[daybyday]

Not stressing the small stuff is also a change i have made with S13 since bomb. It is working very well for me. I'm sure you will get better at it. It involves using much more oxygen. (deep breaths). :-)

[TimR]

Hey glad you had a great day with S. That is so important to them during all this. They need to know we will be there for them. I text S13 good night and I love him every night at bedtime. Most times he responds and it makes my night. You should be proud of the mom you are and I am sure you S is too.

[broke]

Thanks guys! It was a great day with S12 - bball games all day, then Survivor marathon with pizza. Off to mass with him this morning and then back to championship bball game.

Stressing a little bit because I have 3 things that are time sensitive that I have to text H about today….I am waiting to see if he will text me first on the 10-hour car ride home from his golf trip with S15. If he doesn't, I will have to text him…..It is all about the kids, so I will just make it businesslike and to the point. But, I am not sure why I am the one constantly having to remind him about things regarding the kids…..completely messes up my detaching :-)

Enjoy your Sunday everyone!

[AU Bob]

Nothing to stress about, you just have to do it. It's about the children anyway.
It's all about them, everything else comes second, the organisational side of their brain goes on holiday when it comes to their family.

[daybyday]

Glad you had a good day with S. You cannot beat a full day of hoops. NCAA bracket time shortly. Have a good one Broke.

[HopeRB]

Thinking about you broke. Hope you and the guys are out being awesome!

Oh yeah, let us know how you decide to handle the time-sensitive situation b/c I have to do the same thing. I guess H thinks these taxes are just going to do themselves.

[JujuB]

Broke and Hope,

I do not think that contacting spouses regarding kids or logistical stuff means you are not detaching. It's only when you are using that stuff to make contact with walk away spouse which you are clearly not.

WS has no problem contact us when they need something and they are clearly detached right?

Detachment is a state. I am currently faking it, because I am heart broken and depressed. However, the need to know how my kids are doing or some logistical fact overrides my need to pretend detachment... Just keep the conversation polite and all business.

[broke]

Detachment is a state. I am currently faking it, because I am heart broken and depressed. However, the need to know how my kids are doing or some logistical fact overrides my need to pretend detachment... Just keep the conversation polite and all business.

Couldn't agree more, JujuB. I am faking it, too. I just wish I didn't have to feel like a nag for reminding him about stuff regarding the kids. But, you are right - needs to be polite and businesslike.

I planned on sending a text. However, H just dropped off S15 from their weekend golf trip. H actually came in with S15 because he needed help bringing all his stuff into the house. H came in, dropped off the stuff and then I told him we needed to split up to take our kids to different activities tomorrow after school and that we needed to sign the contract for S12 to attend his school next year. Kept it businesslike and polite. We chatted about how to accomplish the two things and he left. It was completely fine.

So, why do I feel so empty? It just stinks that my H can just walk out on 25 years and a family. We interacted absolutely fine tonight, but there is just no feelings from him. I can't see any emotion - it just feels so cold. How can the man who supposedly loved me for 25 years be so indifferent and nonchalant? I just don't get it…..it feels like he is DB'ing me. That just means he is detached and not faking it….and that just makes me sad. I feel like I am hanging on for nothing.

How do I stop faking being detached and just detach already? Drop the rope for real? I am just tired. Tired of detaching, validating, setting boundaries, watching what I communicate, how I communicate, how I look, my GAL activities, my 180 goals, being the best mom I can be when I am heartbroken etc. I am just tired of hanging on to hope tonight. Sorry just frustrated. I will reread the DR book, but I just don't see any real progress for the DBing the last 5 weeks.

[TimR]

Broke, I am sorry you had a hard day today. You are mind reading though. You can not be sure what H thought and felt. Maybe he felt nothing or maybe he is a good poker player. IDK, but you cannot be sure either. I wish I had better insight but really I do not. I am sorry.

What insight I do have, is you are a strong intelligent woman which means you have the world at your feet. You can and will make it through this. Your H will see the truth and seek your love or he may not, but who ever does end up with your love will be one blessed man!

[broke]

Thanks, Tim, for the support. I really appreciate the kind words - you are a good friend.

It really was a great weekend with S12 with a momentary interaction with H that caused me to feel frustrated for a couple hours. I decided that I shouldn't mind read and just to continue what I am doing and not let it affect me or the fun weekend I had GALing. (Sometimes, I need to make a conscientious effort to not take the dip in the roller coaster)

I hope all the DB'ers have a great start to the work week tomorrow!