So I would link to my old thread, but I don't know how. A synopsis, my W and I are High School sweethearts. She left me in College, moved, got married, had a kid and got together with me while she was divorcing her 1st husband. We have been living together for 8 years, married for 5. My wife initially backed away from me because she was unhappy with the distance and coldness she felt from me and she felt like she desreved more out of life. She also started to think I was cheating on her (which she corroborated with two different psychics) which had her comletely lose it to the point where she needed anxiety meds. I made many mistakes during our time together but cheating isn't one of them. Still on he couch 9 months after the S.
Saturday morning and I am here with the boys S7,4. My W is upstairs in my D11's room dorking around on her phone, like a teenager. I am feeling ok, not great, not terrible. I was wishing I could just hold my wife last night. Nothing physical, just sleep next to her and have her in my arms. I think one of my many barriers to successfully DBing is my lack of confidence/respect for myself. I am my wife's BFF. In my mind it's because I want her to see that we can have fun and be friends and then lovers. However she has no desire for that or for me. She is comfortable. I recently read an article on divorce in Men's Health magazine and it scared the he11 out of me. In it the guy was blindsided by his W wanting a D and he pined over her. They physically seperated and while the kids were unhappy, he continued to be there for his W. He would even watch the kids at her house while she went on a date with her new BF, and would sit and talk to her on the couch afterwards!! I would never want to get to that point and could totally see myself unwittingly doing so. I need to grow a pair, as my cousin always says "Mel you are all brains and no balls." Otherwise my W will never respect me and I won't respect myself.
I need to grow a pair, as my cousin always says "Mel you are all brains and no balls." Otherwise my W will never respect me and I won't respect myself.
Couldn't have said better myself.
Instead of thinking of how much you want to hold her, sleep next to her, etc., picture yourself being strong, masculine, sexy, and independent.
This may seem a bit silly, but try it. Do you have a favorite screen actor who shows the male attributes you admire? Imagine how he would handle a situation like yours.
A few years ago there was a man who came to the boards who had the name of Stuck. I am not good about remembering names, but I remember him. He still shows up here to help newcomers. You may know him by a different name. His new name became Bond......as in James Bond.
And, FYI, there was another man who use to go by the name of Chocolate Eyes, then to Puppy, and finally he became known as Starsky. Does that tell you anything?
There have been others, these are just a couple of my favorites.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Had a discussion today regarding living arrangements. The W suggests that we move in to the same apt. when we leave our current house. It makes financial sense for everybody. Ithe would be very difficult for me to pay my rent plus child support and it would be near impossible for her to pay rent, car, insurance, phone and the other utilities. It doesn't make emotional sense for me, I don't want to live another year in this limbo.
SoI'm trying to GAL and I'm terrible at it, my ride got to my house and I had to tell my W that he was there and she came downstairs and said, "well don't keeping him waiting." Then as I was leaving, she said "have fun!" Terrible!
Had one of my W'said family members ask me if we are separated, he said someone told his wife that I cheated on my W with someone. I told him that I didn't. I am really tired of having to defend myself for something I didn't do. My W started that rumor, she is the only one that believes it, and now her family members are running with it. I have to answer questions to MY integrity. This is ridiculous.
