Darkness. What I mean is sometimes when I'm in NC and giving her her space and not being around she will seek me out in the house to have a conversation. Like she missed me or something. That's all I meant by my statement. I know I have a long road ahead of me.
Thank you for all the replies I really appreciate them. I just get a little uncomfortable on boards like these. Trying to relax and learn.
I have a question. I'm not reading anything into it and it was all about her last Saturday during a cancer walk for the cure. However, she did introduce me to two of her co workers as her husband. I was a little taken back by that. Anyway after the walk some of the friends we were with were talking about going to a Halloween costume party at a local pub. If this comes up again should I go also? I'm just confused on that situation. Thank you.
"However, she did introduce me to two of her co workers as her husband. I was a little taken back by that."
Don't be. LBS's will tell you stories about how even after the D, their XW refers to them as their H.
"Anyway after the walk some of the friends we were with were talking about going to a Halloween costume party at a local pub. If this comes up again should I go also? I'm just confused on that situation. Thank you."
Do you want to go? If you do, then go. Don't base your decision on whether or not your W is going. Put it this way, did you always go to everything she wanted you to and vice versa?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Hey Dfresh, I'm an old timer and only came by today because an old friend passed. I read your post however and thought I would throw a brief response from a guy who has been where you are.
First of all relax and breathe, a lot!
Do you have friends and social activities ti keep you busy (Hobbies)? If not find them and start doing them. One mistake often made by people going through this is they forget that they have a life to live.
Regardless of how your situation turns out you have been given an opportunity to focus on yourself. Find those things that mean something to you and get involved in them. Many times our marriages define us and we forget to live for our own cause, instead we live to be married.
Your spouse will make her way through this on her own. Nothing you do or say to her about this will help because you are the big question that she has conflict with inside herself. She has to work through her issues in this manner because right now you are simply a reminder to her of her own failures and infidelity.
When a marriage hits a fork in the road or stumbling block like this it becomes a battle of conscience. For her it is about working through her actions and figuring out how she lost her way. For you it is about focusing on yourself and learning about forgiveness. We fight the hard fight to save our marriages and sometimes in the end do not have the ability to forgive what we thought we could.
Read, read, read. Post when you can. Focus on you and your life.
For god's sake do not look for reasons for her actions. I promise you will drive yourself nuts over analyzing them. Be polite, treat her with the respect that your wife deserves. Be a man of character who can look back at all of this no matter how it turns out and have respect for himself for always being in control.
Understand that marriages go through rough patches and sometimes one partner has to carry the torch for the relationship while the other struggles through their demons. In the end, whether your marriage is saved or not, she will know that her husband stood for her and tried as hard as he could to keep his promise.
Our own integrity and character are the only things we can control in your situation so stay focused and keep yourself busy.
Thank you this post Ian. I needed to read this today. I'll read it everyday. I messed up this morning and texted her if she wanted to spend some time together tonight. I know that was a mistake. I'm learning a lot.
