She's gone. Living in the now 2

[Vanilla]

I feel your pain. You should feel proud of the fact that you have been there for your son and that you are still alive to rebuild a new life.

Yes and this

V

[Scrant]

Just checking in. Contact with W continues to be minimal, only by text and purely about S. I've received an invite from a married female friend to join her and husband and other friends of theirs for some Christmas drinks at their house next Saturday. She texted me to say she had two nice ladies she'd like me to meet! My closest friend is urging me to go. After so many years I feel really nervous but it surely can't do any harm. Best case scenario is that I meet some nice people, boost my self confidence and have a bit of a social life for the first time in a while. Worst case is that I make a complete mess of things and go home with my self esteem even lower than after W left me!

[Sotto]

Go for it Scrant! Relax and enjoy meetings some new people. You may not be ready to consider dating, but it may be nice to meet new female friends. I've made a number of new male friends over the past couple of years and that's been really nice.

I'm always upfront that I'm not open to dating at this point. I'm also careful about 1-1 activities and lifts - but otherwise I still accept all invites..

Go & have fun xx

[Scrant]

Last weekend I did a bit of GAL, met some new people via a friend of mine. We had a few drinks and a chat on Saturday night. It was fun to talk to new people for the first time in over a year. My friend texted me after to say that a couple of the women I chatted with thought I was a real gentlemen. Don't have contact details but maybe something to follow up in the New Year On Sunday I lunched with W's aunt and my sister-in-law turned up by surprise. W and OM ( who used to be W's boss) are using sister-in-law to front a new shop as his old one is closing down and he owes plenty of money to people. His flat isn't even in his name. Not my problem what they get up to. W resurfaced to ask if she could collect books she left behind . I took the remaining books down to the flat's garage so she doesn't have to enter the flat. Tomorrow she is eating with S so I suggested she collect them then. Today she texted to ask about ideas for Xmas presents for S. Gave her a couple of ideas, making it clear that I'll get something from me. She asked did I want to come for lunch with her and S tomorrow as the next day S and I are off to my parents for Xmas. Haven't replied but I don't think it would be a good idea.

[Sotto]

Good for you with the GAL Scrant - sounds like those ladies have impeccable taste!!

I'm going to offer a gentle word of warning about social interactions with single ladies (if they are indeed single.) IMHO, either we want to try and save our M's or we want to move on. If we want to move on, we can file for D, finalise our D, heal and then think about dating when we are in a healthy place once the ink has dried and the dust settled.

Some may find me a little uncompromising, but that's where I'm at and I'm nervous of slippery slopes, you know? If you are in any doubt, Google relationships and entanglements. I have never forgotten what I read on this.

Anyway - enough of that...OM - well, good luck to SIL with that venture? Lunch with W? I imagine you may have other plans that day?

Hope you have a nice Xmas...do you have some fun plans??

Xx

[Scrant]

Don't worry they are single ladies! I'm in no hurry to pursue any relationships or entanglements at the moment. S is my main priority but it is nice to have a few adult conversations and a bit of GAL. As I've said before I don't expect W to come running back any time soon as her relationship with OM has been over a long time. I just refuse to be the cake she'd like to have! I'm going home for Xmas with parents as I need a change of scene then a quiet New Year. I've work to plan then start to think about 2017. I suppose the most positive thing is that even on the darkest days I believe I'll be all right and what ever happens I've tried to be as honest,loving and fair as I can. I have a wonderful S, a good job and some nice people around me.It has taken time and still isn't over but I've accepted W is unlikely to be in my future. It saddens me, 25 years is a long time but I always said I couldn't be her friend. I suppose D will come eventually but for the moment it suits us both to leave things as they are. Tomorrow will be uncomfortable but at least S will be there which will stop W going overboard with the lovey dovey stuff she still likes to do if we meet up alone. I won't lunch with her, just a handover of books and a Merry Xmas

[Scrant]

Well saw W yesterday.We meet in the garage with S helping load her car. She was super smiley, laughing and joking around. Surprised I hadn't met her for lunch! Asked when our flight was, don't spend too much in the sales! etc. We might have to meet up at our bank just before the end of the year to sort out some financial issues but otherwise the talk was light. She left giving me hugs and asking after my aftershave! She continues to live in her own dreamworld because after all of the smiles S told me he said to her that he doesn't want to go with her to visit her parents in January.It always seems weird to meet her and watch her seem so happy with her family then drive off again.We have only met five times all year but each time she seems so pleased to be back.I could easily go into best friend mode, she'd be delighted but I won't. We have different paths now. Oh well back to our lives and some Xmas fun. Today we travel to my parents.

[Scrant]

Back home after a nice week with my parents. Only contact with W was a message to tell her we'd arrived safely and a bit of info about S. Texted her to today with a bit of financial information. She phoned to ask cheerfully about our holiday as S hadn't told her much more than a couple of pictures. Chatted for a while about S and I asked what her New Day's plans were for her and S (It is her birthday). She told me that she wasn't going to met S but she'd like for the three of us to meet for lunch sometime the week after. I didn't confirm anything, she's texted this afternoon asking could I confirm which day would be best. Haven't replied. It seems to me to be cake eating. New Year's Eve and day with OM then family during the week. Over the yearI've told her that meeting up doesn't work for me but the delusion still seems in place. Or I am overreacting and a family meal would do no harm and possibly help normalise S's R with his mother?

[Jug]

My feeling is that this is part of detaching and making it clear that you aren't her friend or family while she is doing this. Stay strong.

[Sotto]

Hi Scrant, it's always up to you of course. But I suspect if you do meet up, your W will be suggesting she cooks for you at home on a weekly basis etc, etc...

Really, I would do what works for you, given all circumstances. If it doesn't work for you to meet up, don't do it - I don't think you are having an over-reaction.

Glad you had a nice festive visit with your family and best wishes for the year ahead.