MLC W and preparing for S or D in the new year

[SM34]

Bingo. She's going to need therapy to get overcome that before she can be stable emotionally. But that's for another phase in her life.

So OM isn't much of an OM at this point. She's in a full blown fantasy. Even delusional as ForGump said.

What do you think you did to contribute to her feelings?

Do you think she's been unhappy that long or is she re writing history?

Does she have siblings? How is their married life?

[SM34]

Has she ever talked about any feelings of wanting to hurt herself or her children? Does she seem to not want to be around the kids? I'm only asking this because it's a sign of post parting depression. Has she ever mentioned thinking that she's depressed?

[Gordie]

She suffered post partum depression after #3. She does not show any signs of wanting to hurt herself or the children. One sibling in a stable marriage. She started making major changes in her appearance, beliefs, friends and ambitions five years ago. My failure was not being her cheerleader during this period. I supported her in providing funds for her to travel, take classes and start her business. She is appreciative of this but she says I could have done so much more, which is true. I didn't appreciate all the positive changes she was making in her life. At my worst, I either ignored or was critical of her changes.

[ForGump]

It was through her own therapy that she was able to slowly realize that she was the one who had issues.

Was she always open to seeing a therapist? Or did she hit rock bottom and realize she needed professional help?

My W so badly needs help... but thinks she's just fine.

[ForGump]

she almost certainly is suffering from prior trauma.... When you trace the history of crisis people there is always something in the past that caused this.

Great point, SM34.

I might add that effects of trauma manifest themselves as anxiety, depression, insecurity, OCD, etc.

I'm not a psychologist. I just play one in this forum.

[Gordie]

Overall, this was a good weekend. Date night with W, activities with the kids, family time and helping W with her work. No R talks. Last night, I get in my side of the bed and W says I can come closer to her. I do and we snuggle and she says thank you for all of your help this weekend and as we drift off to sleep my mind is racing, asking all the questions that can't be asked.

[Gordie]

A small detachment victory:

W asked me a S question. I got that knot in my stomach. I suppressed the feeling. I kept a friendly tone and appearance and answered her question without emotion! I think this is a first for me. We then moved on to a non S topic.

[SM34]

What was the S question?

[Gordie]

What was the S question?

Question about selling the house...

[ForGump]

Gordie -- you asked before why my situation has become closer to yours. I don't know if you gathered the answer ... but it's because my W recently wrote that she loves me and that I will always be a part of her life and she wants to D but live in the same house for up to a year while she gains some economic footing. Her professing love and wanting to stay together ... that parallels yours. Also, there is a very strong MLC component to my W's existential crisis ... she has never been able to take control of her life (especially in a healthy way), so she's always felt boxed in by life, I think. Now that she's going through midlife, she's rebelling against those perceived constraints, and wants to experience wild passion.

There is a part of me that is very envious of your date night w/ W, the snuggling, etc. But another part that says I'd be so torn up inside to do that while the W is asking for a divorce. Seems like torture.