Hi Phoenix, it's amazing when work stuff like that is going on at the same time we're working on this bomb and post-bomb stuff in our M's isn't it? I'm so glad that you have a better boss now, it sure makes a difference doesn't it?
I'm going to hijack your thread to tell you about the job stuff that I was going through at the same time as the R problems.
I started working at my present location almost 2 years ago. I was to work as a paralegal for an attorney here and had a two-year employment contract. At first the attorney seemed rather high-strung and had some control issues, but it was nowhere near like my old boss, so I blew it off.
Slowly, I started noticing that she couldn't hide some real mental and emotional instability problems anymore. She was able to hold herself together in front of the higher-ups, but with her staff, she would go off on these rages and make strange paranoid accusations against us or complain to the higher-ups that we were all incompetent. She wouldn't pull it with me, but she started berating and humiliating some of the younger women (my staff).
I was beginning to seriously wonder how the heck I had gone from the fire into the frying pan with my job.
In mid-January, I began having some dreams that told me what was going on with my H. On January 27th, I confronted H and all heck broke loose.
Now here's where it got really weird. I began really throwing myself into my work to at least have part of the day distracted from what was going on at home. After a few weeks of that, my boss calls me in to give me a 1-year evaluation and gave me a large (unexpected) raise.
I did (somewhat) confide in one of the other women about what was going on at home. One morning, I had a conversation on the phone with H on my way to work, and started crying. My eyes must have been a little red and puffy when I got in, and my boss asked my staff if something was going on with me. One of my staff told her that I'd caught my spouse cheating and had kicked him out.
You would think that another woman would have some empathy for such a thing, but immediately my boss started freaking out on me. She put me on probation because I came in 15 minutes late one morning (I specifically had flex-time as a term in my employment contract) and stated that I was using "excessive sick time" (I had used 4 hours in the prior 3 months and had asked for time to go see an eye doctor after I broke my glasses).
It got weirder and weirder and was very obviously some kind of personal vendetta. She called me in one day and told me that she was giving me 2 weeks notice that she was voiding my contract. She stated that she was letting me go for "non-compliance", but couldn't state any specifics. Huh??
What happened when word got out was that the higher-ups offered me a different job, in fact they created a new department and made me the director of it.
After I changed jobs and got a great new boss, I found out what the real problem had been with my old boss.
About 15 years ago, she was married and had started seeing a MC with her husband. She started having an affair with the MC as a way to thumb her nose at her H. She continued having an affair with this counselor (who was married) for 5 more years. When she demanded that the guy leave his wife, he told her he wouldn't and had never intended to.
The affair ends and she begins counseling with a new guy. She begins having an affair with the new counselor. He also won't leave his wife.
She goes to a new counselor, a woman this time. The woman counselor tells her that she has been very damaged by the previous two counselors who had violated ethics by having an affair with their patient. New woman counselor tells my boss that she should file a lawsuit against both former counselors and the federal government agency that paid their salaries (Indian Health Service).
My boss "attempts" suicide, commits herself to a psych ward for awhile, then gets out and files the lawsuits.
She was awarded approximately a 1/4 million dollars (after fees and expenses). She took the money and went to law school to become an attorney herself.
When I found out about all of this history, I read the court cases and it was very obvious that she took great pleasure in gettin revenge on the two married men she'd had affairs with.
It became very obvious why she was treating me the way she did--my sitch must have brought up major stuff for her.
Most of all, I wonder why she ever bothered to become an attorney. She seemed to have a very lucrative career going on with all that suing of married men she was having affairs with.
SHE WAS A PROFESSIONAL OW!!!!!!
P.S. She had a major meltdown in front of the higher-up two weeks ago. She was asked to resign the next day.
Problems with my relationship are one thing, but I take pride in doing a good job. So, I feel especially vulnerable to my former boss, because I'm trying to build my reputation as a competent/hard worker.
Thank you for sharing...I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but I'm relieved to know that I'm not the only one this crazy work stuff happens too!
Part of the problem with my former boss is that she hired this guy friend hoping she could create a position for him. When she couldn't create a position for him, she fired me in an attempt to keep him. (Once my position was vacant, he could fill it. She wouldn't have to create a position.) I appealed to the legal department and told them what was happening. The legal department told me I had no recourse as I was still within my probabtion period. She could fire me without cause, despite the fact that I had never been written up for doing anything wrong.
However, I suspect that my appeal prevented her from filling my position with him. He's no longer working for her. So, she lost us both.
He had been divorced for a year and was still wearing his wedding ring. So, as a good devotee of DBing, I had approached him and told him about the book. Told him there was still hope. He promised to get the book from the library and begin reading right away. He absolutely lit up when I told him there was still hope.
He might even be lurking on this board for all I know. If you are Tim, please know I was never angry with you. I thought you were a gentleman. In any case, I suspect that she wanted to be more than just friends with this guy. I don't know if she knew I was encouraging him to try again with his wife.
So, her meanness doesn't really surprise me.
But what goes around comes around. And I'm sure she's a very unhappy person inside. Not that that's any excuse!
I'm surprised you got through the whole post, it was a long one. Anyway, yeah it was a very crazy time, and I'm amazed that I got through it all with grace & dignity.
It sure felt for awhile like my life had suddenly become a bad soap opera or some episode of the Twilight Zone.
There's some real whacked-out vicious ones out there, aren't there?
You've grown quite a bit since you started posting. Congratulations - that's hard work. You've always been a sweetie but now more of the real you shows. Your character, your strength...
I don't think you've been in training for a long time. But you can't have my username .
We joined my parents in seeing a play and dinner before the play.
We saw Rosencrantz and Gildenstern are Dead. It was pretty intense. My parents and I discussed it the next day, and the message we walked away with is this: Who is your audience? Your in-laws? Your spouse? Yourself? Others in your life?
Gave me lots to think about. I need to go read the play, cause some of it was over my head, and I'd like to read it to see what I missed.
In any case, my husband comported himself well with my parents.
And I noticed a neat thing: If we stopped touching for more than 2 minutes, he reached for my hand. Now, normally, I'm the touchy one. It was nice.
Lots of good signs.
He is begining to seriously consider moving in with me now and commuting to his current job. It's an hour and a half commute. He hates commuting, so the fact that he's considering this, is another big baby step!
His boss has told all the managers in his store that begining soon, they will all be working 9 am to 9 pm 6 days a week. He's even more motivated to get a job in my town now. He's already working long hours and I can hear in his voice that he's exhausted. He's had no time to play. Poor thing.
His mom had continued to pressure him to get a job and move to her town, despite him saying he's committed to moving to my town and living with me again. I don't want to get into a tug of war, with my husband in the middle. We will all lose. Well, now she's been fired from her job and might be getting a job in his town or getting a job out in Colorado. Either way, she can no longer guarantee him a job where she's working. Which I feel guilty for feeling relieved about.
But, I'm keeping in mind, that my husband is my audience. It doesn't matter what she says/does, I must continue to play my role with dignity and grace. I remember what it was like when I lost my job back in April...very scary. And I was only jobless for a week. She has a house and kids to take care of. Plus, I have a new understanding of her. Her husband traded her in for a younger model. After she had 5 of his children. She's still bitter and they had a horrible nasty divorce. I know how tough this past year has been for me. How much more horrible was it for her? I can only imagine.
I'm DBing her. I must stay focused on the babysteps. She IS emailing me.
If you are Tim, please know I was never angry with you. I thought you were a gentleman. 
. 
