Husband cheated, left, trying SO HARD to DB

[kech]

Starting a new thread. Hopefully the vets will add my thread links here.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2812686#Post2812686

Sep 19th and i am TRYING very hard to become the best version of me. Hoping in this new thread I will start to speak a little more positively, not focus SO much on H and his actions, and maybe if I turn my words a bit to more about ME and what im doing, my fake it till I make it will work.

Thanks so much everyone

[ED133]

Kech
Yesterday morning I was so fed up with my ww. I told her to call the lawyer cause im done. We actually got out paper to split the finances. Ww would actually have to pay me in the D. After a long argument I told her again I didnt want it but she could do what she wanted. She laid down for a nap and by the end of the night we were laughing and she mentioned something about taking our new dog to a hotel we go to. She never called a lawyer.

I think you are doing fine. I think his anger is a good thing. He sees you pulling away.

[kech]

Wow thanks so much ED. Perfect timing too because he just got to the house to see D. He didn’t say much to me, I didn’t say much to him and then I headed out. I think he knows I just leave every night to give them some time alone, but that’s ok. I wasn’t as outgoing tonight as I normally am at all, trying to pull back a bit I guess.

I get very nervous when I pull back because it feel SO unnatural not to speak or start a convo when we’re around one another. And I feel like the more and more we lose our connection, the more he will connect with OW. The more we pull away from one another, the more he will forget who I am and why he fell in love with me.

I of course hope that is wrong. But I know I deserve better than all of this. I’m going to kind of take things easy the rest of the week. Not make any big changes, just kind of let things be and see where he takes it and me just kind of take a breather. This is so tough and it’s all so emotionally exhausting. I think I enjoy my nights so much because I’m finally just home with the baby and know I get to relax and let my mind rest. Between work and this sitch, my mind doesn’t seem to catch much of a break.

I’m so happy for you that that you called your WW on her crap and it seemed to have give her a bit of a wake up call. that Seems to happen on here sometimes. I appreciate you taking the time to tell me you think I’m doing fine and his anger is a good thing. That helps me feel better!!

[BluWave]

I get very nervous when I pull back because it feel SO unnatural not to speak or start a convo when we’re around one another. And I feel like the more and more we lose our connection, the more he will connect with OW. The more we pull away from one another, the more he will forget who I am and why he fell in love with me.

I promise this is not the case. I worried about that too. You are taking care of your needs, creating space and removing yourself from his plan B. This is best for you, and that is the priority. He also needs to relearn how to treat you and that you value yourself more than just to wait around for him. It's okay if he starts to wonder if you are moving on. It's a good thing if you really want this dirtbag, I mean guy, back. Please trust me in this one! Don't even give OW head space, she is worth so much less than you can even imagine!

Kudos. Now enjoy your evening!

Blu

[kech]

Thanks so much Blu! I’m glad to know you had similar feelings when pulling away. Such a hard thing to do.

Had a nice cry in the car but not in front of him so that’s good! Feeling better now!

[ED133]

Its so confusing doing the opposite of what you want to do. I few weeks ago I struggled with taking back the MB. She has to get up early for work so it was more reasonable that she have it. After ready all the recommendations on the LBS taking back mb I finally did it and im glad I did.

Follow all the excellent advise. You will be surprised!

[kech]

I do recall reading your sitch and everyone commenting that you should take back MB. I am sure that’s so hard. It’s weird that things you’d never think would be hard to assert yourself about, now seem difficult. At least for me. I’m so afraid of HIS reaction. I’m not doing what I’d normally do because I’m so scared to piss him off, and in our marriage I wasn’t like that and I think he loved me more for it. For being who I am no matter who cared.

Good for you for taking that back! You deserve it!!

[LITB]

kech,

You are getting some great advice from Blu. I agree with what she has conveyed to you.

I realize you have only been here a short time, so we have to give you some grace. It is much easier to see from the outside when emotions aren't involved.

Do you journal? Have you set any goals? Do you have a GAL calendar?

[kech]

Thanks LITB,

I do journal. I was a creative writing major in college so writing has always been a good outlet for me. I set goals while reading DR the other night. She said to write down short term goals, but it was more for your marriage goals. The goals I’ve set for myself are to stay off social media to keep myself from looking at OW, don’t snoop, don’t drive by the bars he frequents. These are all goals I have succeeded at so far.

Some other goals are trying to stop thought when him and OW pop in my mind. It’s hard. I do my best with that but it’s not always successful. I’d like to start GaL a little better, but it’s kind of tough since we haven’t really told people. I’m still doing a lot on my own, but not doing as much with my friends as I normally would be if H and I were in a good place. But I am really soul searching with my free time, reading a lot.

I need to set some more goals for myself, I have a lot of things I have to do and I need to make sure I’m doing the things I need to do and not just thinking about his time. We will see. One day at a time!! Taking a breather from over thinking, it’s been such an emotional time. Hoping if I just chill out for a few days and not think too much I can regroup and keep pushing forward with this.

[ovrrnbw]

Make yourself do 20 pushups, or situps, or squats every time. It will be a good release!

Just go GAL, your H hasn't "told anyone" b/c it would make him look bad. Don't go to discuss your sitch, but to really have fun. Hard to have fun when you're talking about your sitch.