Husband cheated, left, trying hard to DB 3

[kech]

Previous Thread:

Husband cheated, left, trying SO HARD to DB 2

links will be put here to my previous thread.

I will try to keep this thread a little more positive. Balance out my days. I do have a question though. I feel kind of a block in my mind. I am starting to feel very much like my H has lost all love for me. Nothing significant has happened for me to feel this way, I think I just am feeling SO disconnected from him while I am pulling away, because our communication is much less now. Is this a normal feeling for a LBS? To start to just feel like the WS has forgotten everything about our relationship?

Throughout these long months I have always kind of had a bit of hope, (I think), I always felt like he would come around. But now that I am pulling away from him, I am feeling like all will be forgotten. Now that Im typing this I see that its pretty similar to what I was feeling last night. Now that I am pulling away and "letting go", its like no one is fighting for us and we will not make it if no one is fighting for us.

But the response was that this is me surrendering, which is what has to happen in order to move forward I believe. So maybe this is just me finally really letting go. Letting go of needing to feel like im holding on to us. Letting him go and hoping he will come back but finding myself in the process. Is this how it feels to let go? You start to feel like youre really just giving it up to God? Im scared because I feel like my H has just forgotten what we were, so as I let go its like im just letting us go and im not fighting for us.

This post is all over the place. I dont even think I am being clear. Im going to take a breather! hahah sorry

[Ready2Change]

Kech,

FYI, there are a couple new post on your previous thread.

[burned]

I can only speak for myself but I started "going dark" last week and went even darker starting a couple days ago.

And just before I read your post I got this yucky cold tingly feeling, like W has lost all love. But maybe it's my own fear, not the reality. That's why we can't mind-read. It only makes US feel worse.

Maybe we have to act as if they really have lost all love?

This stinks.

[burned]

... I am feeling like all will be forgotten ... Now that I am pulling away and "letting go", its like no one is fighting for us and we will not make it if no one is fighting for us.

^^ this.

This is why it's hard to DB, I think. It just puts us WAY out of our comfort zone.

[Phoenix9]

kech,

I have had the moments in which I feel that W has lost her love for me. Truth be told, I still have moments in which I believe she loves me and "in love with me". She has not told me outright one way or the other nor do I expect her to do so right now. I know that time will come eventually, however my sitch ends. I don't think your WH would be expected to do that either.

kech/burned, ask yourself...how toxic do you feel your R was before bomb drop? Was everything blissful and happy then just all of a sudden BOOM?

Or were you sensing that things were off?

As hard as it will be, look at yourself and your contribution to the sitch. Learn from it.

And very important...DO NOT MAKE ANY DECISION OR SAY ANYTHING WHEN YOU ARE EMOTIONAL!!! Such things NEVER end up good.

[Ready2Change]

Now that I am pulling away and "letting go", its like no one is fighting for us and we will not make it if no one is fighting for us.

You are the one working to repair the M. Think of it as a vacation.

During this vacation you are going to:

- improve how you communicate
- improve how you interact
- improve how you respond
- improve the way you let other treat you
- improve how H sees you


This is all about personal growth. I could keep going on with more items to add to the list. Only you can make these changes. Only you know what changes need to be made. What needs to be added to the list?

Listen to these words very carefully:

"How hard is it to change your own habits? Now tell me this : How hard is it to change SOMEONE ELSE’S habits?"

You want to save the M. You are putting in the work. H may come around. Again, No guaranties. Just faith.

[job]

kech,

Do you know how to link your threads? Here is the thread link that will assist you in linking your threads in the future.

How to link threads

The moderators will link the threads for a while, but we then turn the linking over to the posters. For some, who use cell phones or other devices, whereby they can't link, we are more than happy to do so.

I have linked your threads, however, I would like for you to try to do them in the future. If you find you have difficulty doing so, then please ask Cadet or myself. We are more than willing to assist all posters in learning how to use the system.

Also, you need to think about new titles for your threads or putting a number (Pt. 1, 2, 3, etc.) behind the title because people will get confused if you continue to use the same title throughout your postings. I will put the correct number on your title, i.e., just as I did previously on one of your other threads.

[Phoenix9]

This is all about personal growth. Only you can make these changes. Only you know what changes need to be made.

This. Print it, enlarge it, put it on the wall as motivation and a constant reminder.

[Ready2Change]

If he doesn't come by I will send a text just saying "I have to leave at 5:30 tomorrow, can you be here by then?" or should i word it differently?

That works.

Other option:

"H, I am sorry this is last minute, but something important came up tomorrow and I would like to know if you can be at the house by 5:30pm? Let me know if this works for you otherwise I will make arrangements with Mom. Thanks! Kech"

[Ready2Change]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1710573#Post1710573