Back again

[job]

Would you like for me to try to locate your older threads so that posters can read your history? If so, do you remember your former ID?

[Waves22]

Job, at least for now, would that be okay if i didn't? Being found out on here is not good.
Thanks for the hugs every body, feel free to ask me anything if I can be of any help.
I recall (somewhat) reading how to differentiate between temp checking and actually being ready for possible piecing (oh, that dream of so long ago)

But this, right now, doesn't look good. The sobbing voicemail i got yesterday about how sorry he is about everything. Now I need the time and space to think. I'm really thinking that I never got to detatchment. I never fully detached after all this time.

[Gordie]

Waves22

Wow

Best wishes to you

Take all the time and space you need

I wish I had some advice to offer

But think you are more than a vet

Wow

[DnJ]

Hello Wave22

Thank you for your kind comments regarding me and my thread.

I understand your reluctance to link your past threads with the previous inference from OW. Staying anonymous is a good idea.

I'm really thinking that I never got to detatchment. I never fully detached after all this time.

I am wondering why you think so, or why you feel so.

Do you mean detachment? Or indifference?

Did H’s voicemail cause an uncontrollable emotional response? That would look like a lack of detachment.

Or did you just feel something which did not completely overtake you? Then indifference is what you have not obtained.

To me, reading what you have shared so far, I would say that it is indifference you are referred to. And that you are almost fully detached.

However, it is your assessment that truly matters. You are still the most important person in all of this.

DnJ

[job]

It's not a problem at all if you don't want your threads linked. I offer up the suggestion because some old timers come back and what their previous threads linked to the new ones for the history.

[JujuB]

Hello wave

You are in a situation many of us dream about... regardless of whether or not you decide to try to make it work with your ex, it certainly must feel nice to hear that validation and remorse. Even if its not sincere. Or is. None of us know. And should not project either way.

Our left behind brains want to desperatly say "yes. He was suffering all those years ago. He just didnt feel safe to come back. Was afraid of rejection and punishment" but thats our thoughts. Theres also a good chance that they were having a ball back then and villified us enough to not care. They have the grass is greener brains and now you have become the other grass. So i would be careful.

You mentioned that you are dating someone new. What is he like? How serious are you guys?

Also do you have children with your ex? If so how has he been with his children?

[Waves22]

Hi Jujub, yes. I am at that place we all dreamed of. Me too. dreamed of for years. There was no ball back then, as we have been told and still don't understand. couldn't come back because of fear. but the biggest thing, in this case, was that he never resolved his childhood issues: his realization. But he still hasn't. so we are in a weird place.

I'm dating someone new, very close, but have not talked about marriage or anything if that helps you clarify how serious we are. Monogamous. Very sweet and emotionally available. No kids with me or with ex. We fur babied

Thank you jujb to warn me. i agree, I must be careful on this path. It does seem dangerous.

[devvo]

They have the grass is greener brains and now you have become the other grass.

This.

This is what I think any of us who see the MLCer come back might somehow try to process.

Once a leaver, always a leaver. If they don't see a problem with detonating your life once, why wouldn't they do it again?

These thoughts would make reconciliation so hard.....

[peacetoday]

I have a friend who's mlcer xh is dating/living with 3rd girlfriend since Bomb

and trying to come back while living with his current new girl


Hes been trying to come back for years and they are just friends now-

It shows you his level of integrity with his new GF

You say your new BF is emotionally available--That is a trait not easily found

definitely a hard choice and only you know how good your M was pre MLC and if this is worth sacrificing your current new available BF for another chance with XH

Did he know about your new BF?
I wonder what his new interest in R is at this point since you are happy in new R?

[Waves22]

Hi peacetoday

I told him about new BF. He just wanted to reconnect, he says, and he respects my choices and not asking to come back. He just wanted to talk. He said i was the only person who ever understood him. We've talked a lot about what happened. I think he just wanted to apologize and knew that I'd moved on. (of course seeing if there was a chance perhaps) But he knows me. He knows I won't mess up what I have now. He's still lost in the depression. It is sad to see. I learned more about what happened, and more about OW. Oh boy did he affair down. And paid for it times ten.