My story 2

[neffer]

It takes time. Your time. As Cadet says, use that time wisely. Keep learning, keep moving forward.

WW mode comes in cycles. You don´t need to be on that. Free yourself to a healthier environment. Be the healthy parent.

Stand strong there MJ

[AnotherStander]

Couple things that have happened.
She hasn’t had anything negative to say about me.
She noticed that I have been working out regularly and commented on how I look.
Last night I was out with some friends and she texted me asking if I was having a good time.
She also waited up for me. She said some one was banging on the door and that she was scared and glad I was home.
This morning she asked me how I slept and tickled my shoulder as she walked by.

All nice baby steps!

The D is still moving forward at this point. We are the discovering finances stage.
She hasn’t discussed counseling any more after she brought it up. I haven’t asked about it any.
No relationship talks in a few weeks

Unfortunately baby steps aren't enough to stop the wheels of D, but nevertheless they are good signs for the future.

I still believe she is still in WW mode.

I'm sure you are right. You've been removing the pressure through your DB'ing and so now she feels more relaxed around you, but it doesn't mean she's changed her mind (yet). Just keep doing what you've been doing!

[MJ1980]

Will do.

She hugged me before I left for work today and gave me a squeeze. She hasn’t done that in months. I’m not reading anything into it. But it was different that’s for sure.

[MJ1980]

So last night I was watching tv and she came in by me and told me she didn’t want to be alone and if she could sit next to me and work on her computer. I didn’t care either way so I said that was fine. So she did, she talked to me a bit.

The. This morning her phone was going nuts with pings. I basically am at a point where I’m not bothered by what she does anymore. It’s her life and she is in control of it. Well I happened to see one of the pings and it was from tinder. So i guess she got tired of the loser neighbor and is now looking for someone else. That does explain why she told me twice there was banging on the door or window and she was scared. It was probably the dead beat neighborhood who has a criminal record. Either way at this point I’ve been moving forward with getting things in order for the D. I don’t want to be with someone who acts this way towards the person they supposedly love. I will continue my DB. But I don’t think this is going to be salvageable at this point.

So that’s all for now.

[neffer]

DB is for you MJ. Save yourself first.

[MJ1980]

DB is for you MJ. Save yourself first.

Yes I understand that. I’m doing DB for me. I’m happy with all the progress I’ve made. While this is a difficult situation, I know that I will be ok either way no matter the outcome. It’s just becoming more clear these days what that outcome probably is. At the end of the day nobody knows what the future will hold. So one day at a time.

[DS9]

Some encouraging small developments there MJ! Keep up the DB and good luck in achieving even more positive small developments mate. Cheers DS

[MJ1980]

So today she asked me if I wanted to come with to Michigan for thanksgiving with her family, her and the girls. I told her at this point I needed to think about it. With the way she was acting with all the tinder stuff and pushing forward with the D. I don’t particularly want to go. There is probably going to be a lot of awkwardness. Or do I suck it up and do it for the kids.

[MJ1980]

So my wife has not been happy with me getting a life. She has been making all sorts of comments about me being out galavanting and that she wants to go out too with her friends. Or so she claims. I already know she is on tinder plus the previous A. So who knows what is true. The other night I was late coming home and had car trouble. I didn’t check in since everyone should of been asleep. Well she claims to have woken up and was worried about me. I think I ruined her sneaking out plans. Plus I wasn’t about to start waking people up until I had a plan for what to do. I ended up limping the car home it just took a real long time. The next day she blew up at me for not returning her texts. I left the phone in the car by mistake while trying to get the car going. She lit me up about it. I basically said that I was sorry I worried her. I also told her that remember you fired me as your husband which has changed our relationship and that things are not the same anymore. She got pissed off before I could finish and slammed the door. She had a work thing. When she came back to the house she apologized for how she acted. But was still a bit pissy. If I say I’m going somewhere and want to figure out things for the kids. She will say I’m their mother. Which is a funny comment since she hardly acts it and does very little for them.

She also told me her lawyer was going to call my lawyer this week about a mediator.

[MJ1980]

Could use some advice here

So the other day W started a conversation about child custody. We are fairly in agreement on each other having times with the kids. Trying to sort out the details is a bit tricky. She still seems to want more time going to her. I’m adamant on 50/50. That isn’t the advice part I need though. Midway through the conversation she changed subjects and said she isn’t sure she wants to get divorced anymore. This was a bit surprising to me.

She had said that this is a lot harder and longer then she thought it would be.
She said she was sad about everything
She said she doesn’t understand why she keeps making stupid mistakes.
She said she doesn’t feel in control of anything in her life except for it she is going to cheat.
She apologized for lying and cheating
She said that she thinks I’m happy about getting divorced.
I told I’m not happy I’m just ok with both outcomes and that I have accepted both outcomes
She said she noticed I’m going out a bunch and seem happy.
I am have fun going out with friends. I’m much happier about the state of things.
She asked me if even wanted to stay married.
I told her there are specific things I would need to even have the discussion. But that I was not open to having a open marriage and that I want someone who loves me and wants to be with me. I don’t want to force someone to stay with me.
She was in tears for a good chunk of the conversation.

Things I noticed
It was a very I focused conversation about her
She did apologize for some of her bad behavior
She did not say anything about pausing the D
She didn’t offer any info about weather her other A has ended
She didn’t offer anything to what I said I needed for a good marriage.

I valadated and listened and told her I needed to think about things

So is this more WW control stuff or a legit turning point?

This was Tuesday. Weds when I came home she was on the phone talking to a guy. I don’t know who nor did I ask. She has been actually acting sweet towards me at times. I’m not to sure where her head is at right now.