Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Don’t be too hard on yourself for why you can’t leave him.
Love Kids Family Finances Security History Fear of unknown Commitment
Thank you LH19, it’s really hard. I mean it’s been 2 years, it baffles me why I still love this man. When he decided to cancel his relocation and said it was because he didn’t want to run and wanted to work on things. I had hopes he was finally turning the corner.
It’s like he’s torn, part of him wants to try to make things work and the other part still finds bachelor life alluring.
Over the past 2 years he’s had 3 opportunities to leave and hasn’t left. Each time he’s decided to stay. This last time when he was planning on relocating, I told him I wouldn’t stand in his way. I knew if he decided to stay the choice had to be his.
Well he made the choice to stay...only to say he wants a divorce. Whew!!!!!
And the crazy thing is, we’ve been communicating very well. He’s even said it. He’s said, I like how we’ve opened the lines of communication again.
LH19 my biggest fear of leaving him is the fear of making a mistake.
I know I’m all over the place but the last few weeks, I’ve felt closer to him than I have in so long. It’s all just weird. I wouldn’t wish this stuff on my worst enemy.
I’ll be fine though. I’m just allowing myself to feel these emotions. I share here because I can’t share this stuff with him.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
It’s tough because this could go on for years. Then you have to piece everything back together which will be tough.
I know one thing for sure and that’s moving forward in any relationships and there is infidelity or unsureness I am out the door.
It’s a tough road in deed! I’m not making any rash decisions today. But I am starting to think about my long-term strategy and I know for a fact...I can’t stay at this for years. That’s not happening.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Yeah definitely get through the holidays and revisit your strategy.
That’s certainly the plan! Thanks a bunch!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Do you have a goal for the relationship to get better? Are there measurable positive signs?
Quote
"He said he hopes he doesn’t make things worse.
Sounds like he has a goal of making things better.
Have you researched retrouvaille? My understanding this is a great tool for helping get R back on track.
I have many goals Ready2change and I’ve slowly been chipping away at them. I also have goals and hopes for a better relationship.
As far as signs, there are days when I see good signs and days when I feel like he intentionally pulls away.
So I would say that there are some positive signs but there are still some negatives as well.
I wasn’t sure what he meant by not wanting to make things worse. I asked him to clarify and he reminded me of a time when I came back from therapy and I snapped on him. I totally understood his point after that. I assured him that I wouldn’t lose my cool. I’ve definitely got to work on my anger and controlling my emotions more. I do very well but sometimes I let him press my buttons. Still working on that.
I have never heard for Retrouvaille, but I’ll be sure to look it up. Thanks!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Living do you think maybe he is happy with the situation? I mean this usually is a complete nightmare scenario for the ones who are being BD'd but for the spouse they kind of have the best of both worlds. They have a spouse who is improving, hoping for R, likely walking on eggshells around them, hanging on any little thing they do and this gives them a feeling of control. They also have their single life they get to enjoy with very little consequences. Perfect world for them and nightmare for us.
1st BD December 26, 2008 PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008
2nd BD May 23, 2019 Daughter confirms EA Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
