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I've noticed some days show little movement on the board. I just wanted to remind all our newcomers that they don't have to wait for an "update" to give us. I'd hate for anyone passing through to take a look at the forum and think this board has dried up........thereby, choosing to find another one. I'm not complaining......just concerned. This is a special place to me, b/c it played a significant part in helping me get my head back on straight.


((hugs to everyone))


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I'm just going to add my voice to the choir here. I'm happy to help others and give back to the place that helped me so much.


H 34
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Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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I wonder if the technology is too old, but then again I am old and things pass me by so quickly.

Maybe people don't use online forums anymore.


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I think that this place has in some ways been overtaken a bit by other venues such as Reddit for those who are computer savvy.

I don't hang out in Newcomers any more, but the MWD team also used to be a lot more proactive in offering counseling and support to those who come here in pain and with a lot of questions. Christy's quick offers of support and direction on where to go were usually one of the second or third things people would see.

A few years ago I and another poster speculated on some of the metrics on the site. How many new visitors, how many got help from MWD, how long people stayed on here for etc. If they have those stats that might reveal a bit more.

MWD's team should already have stats on file on how people found this place, key search terms etc. I expect that some of the alternative sites both with similar and different messaging are perhaps getting the traffic first. I used to joke that having a site on the interwebs is like putting a billboard on your front lawn. Marketing, getting those search terms promoted costs money, takes time and from a business point of view, that investment needs to have some payback. Without that though, people don't find you.

Just my 2 cents.


On BD
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I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
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Originally Posted by Cadet
I wonder if the technology is too old, but then again I am old and things pass me by so quickly.

Maybe people don't use online forums anymore.


Interesting thought. I know in my sitch the first things I sought out were videos and podcasts. Eventually, MWD's video led me to this site and to this forum.


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I loved her videos. It breathed some hope into me when I was really down.


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It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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I think there is something wrong with the website. For the last week or so, if I type "divorcebusting.com" into the browser on my iPhone, the site won't open and it says "Safari cannot open the page because it could not connect to the server." I can access it from my computer without issue and I can actually directly access the forums if I go straight to the forum page, but the home page doesn't open. However, I know a lot of people only come to this site via their phone... I think that might be the problem. I believe this happened last year too but was fixed more quickly? IDK who can help--cadet, job?


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I'm going to piggyback on May's comment. I have noticed that since Friday (when I tried to post an update to my sitch) the site does not function properly. I myself tried posting 3 times and none of the times my post showed up until Monday morning. In the past my posts would show up immediately. I also noticed that other users' posts would be published during the weekend, but mine would not.

I hope things get fixed as quickly as possible. This forum really does provide an invaluable help and support to all that frequent it.

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may22,

There have been times that I can't access the site at all and then I fire off an email to Virginia and/or Cadet to see if they are having problems. The moderators can only pass on problems with the software. We are not part of the IT office, nor part of the main office staff. Cadet and I are (remote) volunteers only and there are times that we have issues with logging in or taking care of requests, i.e., just as the posters do. In a pinch, I've had a few posters actually message me on my personal FB page because of issues getting into the system, which in turn, I fire off an email to Virginia to see what the problem is.

There is no rhyme or reason as to the "slack" in what is going on right now. However, it may be time to do a purge and get rid of some of the "older" postings and actually go through the User listing and those that haven't posted in 6 years or have multiple User Names need to be removed from the listing. Once a system bogs down, it becomes a "snail".

I recently mentioned to Cadet that the software is old and needs to be updated and the site needs to be cleaned up. We aren't allowed to post other links to videos and sites or mention other sites that may be in the same field as this site. Also the "messaging" button, as far as I know, has never been activated.

Maybe the weather and other issues are getting more attention than the forum at the moment. I do not have an answer to the "snail" pace, but I've seen it before and then all of a sudden people begin to post when the seasons change.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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sandi2 Offline OP
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We don't seem to get the steady amount of newcomers as fast as we did in the past.........for whatever reason. My other concern or question is why some people who are in the thick of things in their sitch, go for days or weeks without posting anything on their thread. I'm not talking about the people who have been around here for a long time, and who want to help someone else. I mean actual newcomers who desperately need some guidance. I don't know how many times I've written a response on a newcomer's thread, and never hear another word back from them. I don't know if they even looked to see if anyone wrote to them, or if they checked and didn't like what was said. Also, and I won't call any by name, but we've stuck with certain people very diligently, while they were going through terrible times. Then, at what seems to be the most critical point .......they fell out of sight and we were left hanging. We never know what happens. Maybe I'm just silly, but when I invest time trying to help someone, I would like to know if they are okay, at the least. I mean, we're strangers but we share very private details of each other's lives and for the most part, I think we care what happens. That's why we stick around this place. I still worry about a few that I personally spent many days mentoring them as best I could, and suddenly at the most critical point.......they'd vanish.

Maybe they can't handle criticism, or they think we are too harsh. I've been shocked when reading a board member's post to a newcomer, and see nothing that stands out as "harsh"......but the newcomer will sometimes remark that it's rather strong or harsh. Here's the kicker, the ones that stand out in my mind were not women. They were all new guys that showed up for advice. I always thought men could take it, but, go figure.

I will confess that there have been periods where I would be getting very frustrated with certain ones, and I could see my tone was a bit sharp, so I would back off for a couple of days and try to soften up before tackling it again. (LOL)

BTW, I wanted to explain why I was not able to do as much posting for what seemed light a long stretch of time to me. Various health issues prevented me from keeping my normal pace on the board. I went nearly a year with serious neck problems where I couldn't sit, stand, bend over, or much of any position for over a few minutes, except lay flat on my back. Not fun! Then when the neck got better, something else fell apart (story of my life). Like, overnight my hands froze and my fingers wouldn't work. Here's the thing.....I'm sure I brought it all on myself by overdoing. Plus, you guys may laugh when I tell you that I learned to type on an old manual typewriter back in high school (not an electric typewriter, and not the keyboard we have today,....... and don't ask me how long ago it was). Fingers had to be very strong to type those old typewriters back in the day. The teacher of the typewriting class (yes, that was the name of the course) had us do finger exercises to strengthen them, else you couldn't press the keys hard enough. To this day, I strike the keyboard so hard.........and if I am somewhat passionate in what I'm typing, my poor fingers are stomping these keys as if my life depended on it!!! laugh After all these years, you'd think I could retrain myself to be a soft touch on the keyboard. But as you might guess reading some of my posts in past times......it's just not my nature to be a softie. So, there you have it. (LOL) If you don't see me on the board, just assume I must be out of commission, but I will return as long as my old hands hold up.....such as they are.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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