24

[Maturin]

Funny that she put wife in quotes - perfectly summarizes the fact that she is wife in name, not in behavior.

Stay strong, Rock.

[Boat14]

More confusion because your actions and intentions have not been clear. I would call her bluff and say ok let me know where and when to meet with the mediator.

[Rockon]

I am confident we can agree on good terms and I will of course have L look at it.

[Rockon]

Not in a rush to respond. I want to stay disengaged and avoid R talks.

I do want to STFU and listen and keep moving forward.

[Valeska19]

Response just in.

W:

“Hi Rock,

My original proposal was that we could be friends that would enjoy spending time together and maybe even have meaningful conversations about our relationship. It makes me sad that you cannot spend 2 minutes with me anymore, but thats okay. Although it does leave me confused when you say you are married but are unable to have a coffee with your “wife”.
My new proposal is that we talk to a mediator instead of lawyers since it will save us a lot of money as we move forward redefining our relationship.

Sincerely,

“

I'm a little confused by this email. I thought she had already informed you about mediation so why is she proposing it again? Did you use the word "lawyers" or did you say that YOU will look it over.

I agree with Boat here about you being a little confusing. I think you have good intentions but that because you worry about conflict with your wife - you don't turn your intentions into actions.

Stop being so vague.


If you agree with the mediation route.

Here's a sample response

"W - Let me know when you have found someone and the timeslots they have available and I will check my schedule"

[Kind18]

Obviously she wants to manipulate you.

. It makes me sad that you cannot spend 2 minutes with me anymore, but thats okay. Although it does leave me confused when you say you are married but are unable to have a coffee with your “wife”.

That R2C is a pretty smart guy, isn’t he?

Your wife is incredibly manipulative. Your interactions with each other are easily explained by googling “Theramin Trees Transactional Analysis 1” and then watching the three videos in the series. The communication between you two is a train wreck of flip flopping between parent and child ego states and games/gimmicks.

Still not sure why you’re trying to save this marriage. Based on the small amount of info you’ve shared on how she manipulates people, I’d be glad to be rid of her.

Don’t reply. Zero. Nothing. Wait for the proposal via email like you said. Otherwise, radio silence.

[SteveLW]

Eh, the friends thing. Do not even acknowledge that or the thing about coffee.

I like V's response.

[Rockon]

Hi Valeska Yes she had sent me an email invite to mediation. I have not mentioned L.

I said I will review it.

I am open to mediation but I believe it’s best for us to negotiate first and then to go with mediation if needed.

I think if she’s really in a hurry to get this done, she might be open to a fair or favorable to me deal as DnJ has said.

[Rockon]

I am closer than ever to your perspective Kind. I really am not wanting her to have any part of me. I don’t want that M that led to this and I don’t want to be around her at all.

I am about DB. I don’t know for how much longer. I haven’t gotten to that decision point yet.

I am loving my freedom. I still wear my ring. Helps to remind me of my vows and reinforce my integrity. I get tempted to stray. There are friendly and attractive women all over the place.

At times it’s very hard to imagine if and how the M might be restored if ever and it might not. That’s not the point of my actions now.

I am acting like that won’t happen and I still remain open at least for now and hope for restoration.

[DnJ]

Good Morning Rock

Hope you had a great weekend, and are headed into the work week with head held high and a spring in your step. This business is important, yet not all consuming. Especially if one lets a lawyer do the back and forth.

Some comments, suggestions, advice:


STBXW: My original proposal was that we could be friends that would enjoy spending time together and maybe even have meaningful conversations about our relationship. It makes me sad that you cannot spend 2 minutes with me anymore, but thats okay. Although it does leave me confused when you say you are married but are unable to have a coffee with your “wife”.
My new proposal is that we talk to a mediator instead of lawyers since it will save us a lot of money as we move forward redefining our relationship.

She is being purposefully vague and dancing around things. Likely waiting for you to fall into her trap.

Personally, I see very little sincerity in her words.

“we could be friends that would enjoy spending time together and maybe even have meaningful conversations”. Huh? She’s had two years and hasn’t showing that. Her conversations have been confrontational and manipulative. Remember when she thought she should have the bed from the house? Like her back is more important than your’s. Like she shouldn’t have consequences for her choice to live at her Mom’s place.

You asked her to send you her proposal and she purposefully took it the wrong way. The proposal on how to split up assets, not some proposal on how our relationship is going to be going forward. That is pure gaslighting and manipulation. She initiated this divorce talk conversation, then “misunderstands / misinterprets” your response to try to get you to take lead; to lob the first volley.

“It makes me sad that you cannot spend 2 minutes with me anymore, but thats okay.” Really? Is she okay with it. Do you feel, think, or believe her intent was a nice sweet conversation and mean ol’ Rock ruined that? She attempting to play your emotions. “But”, pure deflection and misdirection.

I’ll get back to her meditation comments in a moment. First:

I am open to mediation but I believe it’s best for us to negotiate first and then to go with mediation if needed.

Why do you believe that? If you believe that why preface it with “I am open to mediation”?

“But” muddles things, muddles thinking, justifies things one knows are not good for them.

Mediation is dispute resolution through the use of a third party. Dispute resolution. Her suggesting mediation indicates there is a dispute, which she feels will not be resolved easily or well.

If she gets you into mediation, I think she’ll run right over you. And in some locales mediation resolution is legally enforceable.

Consider this:

STBXW: My new proposal is that we talk to a mediator instead of lawyers since it will save us a lot of money as we move forward redefining our relationship.

Rock: Needless fighting is what will waste our money. Send me your proposal of how you see us splitting up our marital assets and I will look it over.


Then, take it to your lawyer. If her proposal is ok, have your L write it up, you sign it, and your lawyer sends it to her L for her signature. If her proposal requires tweaking, your L will draft up a response proposal, which is usually signed by you, and has an expiration date, and they will send it to her L. The, the ball is in her court. She can agree and sign, or counter propose.

If she is truly open to not wasting money, and the intent and spirit of mediation, then mediation is not required. It’s only a few hour of your L’s time.

D