Trying to piece at last

[Heywyre]

We have a tendency to think all our spouses are mind readers. You are questioning him WAY TOO MUCH - you need to let it go. Unless it is REALLY something I desperately need to clear the air about, I don't initiate any R talks (my H does them all - he didn't at first but is getting really good at bringing them up himself now)

There is a time and place for everything. You are just getting pieces of your life back - don't blow it!

[stillme]

The way I am seeing at the moment after tonight and the way he ran out on me Fri night he isnt really trying to pice this marriage at all. Did you not say in your very first post that you had a control-issue thing in your M and that was (one of?) the reason H felt he needed to leave? (Hey, I can spot a control-freak - even a 'sneaky' one - a mile away: I IS one!) I know. I know. But the "are we okay" and "can you stand me until D Day" convos still come under the "NO R TAlK" rule, even in Piecing. Nikki makes a great point about what a newly-dating person would feel/think about you if you had those same needy convos. Let it go. Just Do It. You are doing so well. The lols & fun times are coming along great, but the expectations of H - not a good thing. You want to show him the New Improved You, remember? (The first thing I thought of - which is of course only a guess - is that maybe H wanted to stay behind (instead of jumping up to walk you/girls home) in order to share the good news or get support for the 2 of you. (And, if so, how would your expectation & attitude may have changed what he said/thought. . . Again, just one of many poss. reasons)

BUT as I always say tomorrow is another day and things may change. (hopefully) You bet! Tomorrow IS another day; and things WILL change! Things that you have control over (yourself, your thoughts, actions, feelings) WILL change. Good luck. I'll keep checking back, H. You really are doing well. [[hug]]

[hurtingbad]

Yep yesterday was another day and it was much better for me and the kids today lol. We didnt do much did a bit of visiting then came home had tea then we all had a lovely warm bath and put pjs on and watched tv in my bed.

Today the oldest D had to go to school to do course work so me and youngest D went into town went for some dinner did a bit of holiday clothes shopping and have came home. I've just prepared tea and we are gonna go swimming then have it when we come back in. We bought some goodies while we are out so have set up the tv for when we come back and we are gonna eat candies in my bed and watch tv again lol

Much better lol

Hugs hb

[hurtingbad]

(The first thing I thought of - which is of course only a guess - is that maybe H wanted to stay behind (instead of jumping up to walk you/girls home) in order to share the good news or get support for the 2 of you. (And, if so, how would your expectation & attitude may have changed what he said/thought. . . Again, just one of many poss. reasons)

No still this was not the reason because we are not telling anybody about us trying again. we are keeping it between me and H as we dont want to get kids hopes up and dont want anyone to intefere if you know what i mean

Hugs HB

[hurtingbad]

Just a quick update me and my d been swimming and am now shattered lol. Havent seen H since Monday he hasnt called or TM me. Im not sure if I should call him or just give him his space. Wish he wouldnt go cold like this. He hasnt even called to talk to kids, not that he ever does. will see H tomorrow night when I get in from work as he has the kids, will have to just act casual I suppose as if nothing has/hasnt happened. Jees I wish we had stayed as we were lol at least I seen more of him then.

I know I shouldnt be feeling this as all I ever wanted was him back, but I feel he has changed in to this person that isnt my old H, he is sooo different and hard faced I'm not even sure I like the new him. I also feel like it is me doing all the running again, me who is asking if he wants to go somewhere with us. except for last saturday when he asked if i wanted to walk MIL dog with him, he hasnt asked us (me and kids) to do anything together. And we certainly havent had no us time just me and him.(not sure how to broach that subject)

Still got my pma for me and the kids just bumming a bit when it comes to H. but hey I can do this

Hugs HB

[NikB]

HB - sorry you're bummed out. Sounds like it's time to step back and detach again... stop doing the running, and see if he steps up.

[hurtingbad]

Thanks for popping in nikki. You are right and i have been detaching again. Havent called or tm him since monday night. Didnt ask him to come swimming with us last night which i usually do. Found out of his mam today that he had mentioned swimming to her last night and she asked if he was going and he said i dont know if they are going so his mam had said well you have a phone you know her number call and ask her but did he? no he didnt. Seen H today at teatime while I was at his mams just made casual conversation and went to work. He still hasnt contacted me and am not waiting around for him to come over have plans to take the kids and my nephew to the park tomorrow and have a picnic and feed the animals and ducks hoping the weather is nice

Update tomorrow night

Hugs HB

[hurtingbad]

Well I was right (as usual) lol. My H wasnt trying at all. He gave me the it wont work again speech on friday. Then we sat down and talked and talked again. I explained it wont work if he dont try. H e agreed he wasnt trying cos he just doesnt think it will work. Told what everybody says on (not told about forum just what people say) the love took a long time to go away and its not just gonna come back straight away. He said he underdtood what I mean and said maybe we will go back to the origional plan then try till after the holidays (12 weeks) then if not one thing has changed call it a day. Which I have to say seems long enough for him to realise if he has feelings or not. Guaranteed the love wont be back by then but if he is going to feel something for me (ie affection, care) it should be there by then. Then if it isnt we will just call it a day for trying but will remain good friends, cos I personally think if he feels nothing by then he wont ever and I will know he has tried because now we have talked things have changed between us and things are on a much better footing.

Hoping things go well now

Hugs HB

[stillme]

I'm sorry for your setback, H. Others more knowledgeable about this (Piecing) will help but I'm thinking your H is STILL following his script. You weren't expecting it to be a steady downhill pretty easy roll along to Love Again, were you?

Aside from what HE was doing, What was it that YOU were doing when it was going well, and H was wanting to try again?

Ok, you've Talked enough. Now give the man some space. He said, he wasnt trying cos he just doesnt think it will work - Well, he's still thinking w/that mixed-up brain that's trying to sort thru all his confusion and, yeah, pain. Let it go, just be the best person you can, & see if your Little Bird gets to hopping closer to you again (curious about your life, your changes; feeling safer that you won't press or scare or harm him. . .). (Did you hear the Bird analogy I borrowed from some Archived thread?)

[hurtingbad]

No still i didnt think it would be downhill from here, But H obviously did lol. He must have thought everything would fall back in place and he would feel like he used to. Once i explained the theory he understood what i meant. I know its going to be hard and am taking things one day at a time. things are looking good at the moment (touching lots of wood lol) i'm getting calls and texts from h and he even let me know he wouldnt be over as he was playing golf (where last week he just didnt turn up) so things are going ok.

will update later

Hugs HB