Quote: You talked about doing this and that (like a job) to keep yourself busy. Do you think if you really went after it, it would be the same as when you acted "as if" to get your H back? In other words, do you think by doing your own thing, it will bring your H closer? Seemed like it worked before...
it was a bit easier for me to do my own thing before, because we were separated and h came to "visit" the kids, when he came (after I realized it did no good to play happy family) I'd leave, I had every tues and thurs night free, every other sat night free, and every sunday free to do my own thing!! now it seems I need permission or need to make a request, hell h left yesterday morning at 9:30 am and still isn't home and it's 6 pm the next day, yes he did stop by some time round 4am to plow our driveway but it's me and the kids as usual!!
so last night on the phone h made a big boo boo!! he was rambling of what he had to do and said then I'll have to come up their and plow "your" driveway, when I said I wish you hadn't said that, he said oh I'm sorry s's driveway. even worse, so then he had to go..I called back and said, "what'd ya go plow her driveway and get sucked back into that world that this is my house?" he had to go, the truck was stuck.
well when h did come in at 5 am he did apologize but whatever.
I really don't know if I can live with all this. I'm trying and sometimes things are going well and other times I think the only reason I am doing this is because of the kids. but if h is still seeing or talking to or thinking about ow, why bother????
oh do I need a life, and I think the next time I see SI i'll have to give him a good whack for his 2cents comment..sheesh of all things to pull out of my posts...way to go boosting a fellow dbr's pma SI good thing you don't have your own thread cause I'd really tear you a new one right now!!
Quote: just let go, take care of you, make yourself a better person and leave the rest up to the guy in the sky!! accept that whatever happens happens and you will be ok regardless!!
I just read this on one of your posts here... and I think it might be along the lines of how I am thinking right now. I just feel like I need to "let it go"... accept that it is over, and get on with my life. Is that a bad attitude to take?
Quote: I just feel like I need to "let it go"... accept that it is over, and get on with my life. Is that a bad attitude to take?
certainly not!! it is the only attitude to take. acceptance is key. accept that whatever happens happens and you'll be ok. that way your ready for anything!!
yes jw, when I finally just "gave up" and accepted that h just wasn't comming home. That is when things started to change. that is not to say that I stopped "wanting" for h to come home, or gave up all hope that he ever would, I simply just accepted it. Hell I even started to worry what if he decides to come back and I'm not sure if I want him to, what will I do then? luckily enough h decided to come back before the point of no return (if there even is one).
Thanks LL, I just wondered. Because I am inclined at this point to do just that. I think it will give me more "peace". I still would like for her to come back, but thing I will function better if I just let go.
Quote: I really don't know if I can live with all this. I'm trying and sometimes things are going well and other times I think the only reason I am doing this is because of the kids.
I hear ya, LL. Boy, do I hear ya...
In terms of doing things you want and getting out of the house, can you not make some demands? I mean, I know the weather drives a lot of your H's work, but what the hell? Can't something be worked out? I can't help but think this would help both of you...
I am tired, tired, tired!!! there never seems to be a "right" time to talk about things, and honestly I don't think h wants to talk about things. he seems to just want to go along merrily and let things just be! wtf? you can't just put things under the carpet, there are obviously issues in our r that need to be worked out, talked about, dealt with etc. or we will simply find ourselves in the same place again!
there just never seems to be a right time with h and it is bothering me.
so h finnaly made it home tonight at about 8pm after I had put the kids to bed. I had asked h to bring home milk for dd for the am, he did but he knocked it over in comming in the door and called for a mop. I told him to just leave it there and I'd clean it up before I went out to get more milk. h came in, I made his dinner, he sat and talked about how much snow we have here and that he'd probably go down to work area tommorrow to get the bobcat to clean it up (yup we got that much) I said nothing, then h said well maybe I can have employee bring it up cause I really don't want to leave tommorrow . h said his head was spinning, I asked why, he said so much to do, I said well don't worry about here you have enough to worry about. I then got ready to go get the milk, h thought I couldn't get my car out cause his truck was in the way...thought for a sec then said I suppose you could just take it...let me know I'd have to back down the driveway cause he didn't plow the turnaround, was ok by me. then all of a sudden h (who couldn't clean up milk) decides he's gonna turn the truck around. ya whatever go run and erase the calls from your second cell phone. so then I ask h when he last spoke to ow..he says a while ago I don't know (ya whatever) I said honestly when. h says a couple weeks ago...no no about a month ago before the first snow to find out about the drive and where to put the snow...like he hasn't been plowing this driveway for years???
so that's that I leave in his truck..(btw ow's h still living at house he answered when I called. shame on me I hung up, I need to grow up don't I)
low and behold there lies h's plow list and the lists of his employees as well...yup you guessed it contrary to what h says to me...her house is on his list clearly defined as "my list"
whatever...I came home and told h I will not trust him as long as he keeps lying to me.
before I left I let h know that I am seriously considering getting a job and putting the kids in daycare..I do not want to pretend to be a happy housewife when I am not.
h's response what did you think it would be like having kids. you knew you'd be home with them.
h wants to live his life and apparently if I am not to make waves in it I am to live his life too or be made to feel like less of a woman.
honestly how many women today stay at home alone in the woods all day long with nobody but two little kids...waiting for somebody to come home who she never knows what his mood will be??
I feel like a kept woman and I don't like it. why should I have to live under his thumb? why should I if I want to have something for myself have it only at night??
should I just be like him and his mother...make the decision all on my own and just tell him??
obviously I am a bit angry right now. h has tromped off to bed angry. to my bed. great so now when I want to go to sleep there'll be a sweaty dirty (unless he stopped at his lovely little appartment to take a shower I noticed that the truck has already been swept out from the storm) grumpy man!
LL, take a deep breath..relax..don't let the weather,cabin fever two small kids get the best of you.(Boy that all does sound depressing!!)You have been doing so great..so strong..Your h is home..if he still wanted ow do you think he would be there??? You have to give both of you the chance to heal and mend your hearts, your marriage,your trust, everyting that has been broken...take a day at a time..slowlee.If you really want to get a job..go for it.. Are there any kind of "Moms Day out" programs near you to leave kids a few hours a week? Anything to give you alone time..I remember those days, but would not trade them for anything. Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.. Sue
tommorrow is always a better day for me, but unlike h, I am not good at just putting yesterday behind me without resolution. h can go to sleep and fall asleep (I cannot never have been able to even before all this the day just re-plays in my head) tommorow I will wake on eggshells with h, not knowing what to expect. h will wake and "act as if". I just want a real r, if this is real I don't like it.
I just want peace!! I want to breath! I want to know that I can run over to my h and hug him and not have it be "persuit" I just want to be me damn it!!
. h said his head was spinning, I asked why, he said so much to do, I said well don't worry about here you have enough to worry about. I then got ready to go get the milk, h thought I couldn't get my car out cause his truck was in the way...thought for a sec then said I suppose you could just take it...let me know I'd have to back down the driveway cause he didn't plow the turnaround, was ok by me. then all of a sudden h (who couldn't clean up milk) decides he's gonna turn the truck around. ya whatever go run and erase the calls from your second cell phone. so then I ask h when he last spoke to ow..he says a while ago I don't know (ya whatever) I said honestly when. h says a couple weeks ago...no no about a month ago before the first snow to find out about the drive and where to put the snow...like he hasn't been plowing this driveway for years???