Trying to piece at last

[stillme]

H? How are you hun? j.

[hurtingbad]

Hi all just a bit of an update.

Finding it real hard at the moment. Gone semi dark not contacting H at all, ignoring calls and TM if i get them. Only contact I'm having with him is to drop kids off.

Tonight was the first time i dropped them off and came away on my own. Boy was it hard. I sat in car and cried. He brought them back home and just popped in gave kids a kiss and went. H hasnt mentioned anything about the hol since we ended the trial so I am assuming he is assuming he is still going. I think I have to let him as its not fair on him as he paid for it and not fair on kids cos they looking forward to spending the time with him. i myself however am a bit scared for the hols, how am i gonna cope spending 2 weeks 24 hrs a day with him without wanting to reach out and touch him? What about sleeping arangements it look like the kids are gonna have to have the double bed and we take the 2 singles that is gonna hurt real bad.

i just cant seem to get out of this yukky feeling. I'm having more ups and downs than a yoyo.

But as I always say tomorrow is another day and who knows what tomorrow brings

Hugs for now HB

[stillme]

Hi {{{H}}}. I'm so sorry you're finding it so hard right now, and I hate that you're crying after dropping the kids off w/H. I hear that you're semi-dark in that you don't contact H, but are you doing the 'semi-dark'ness stuff for yourself as well? Are you (still) GALing, doing something(s) fun or new or not-the-same? You need to take care of yourself, H, and use the semi-dark to get the focus back on yourself. (Here's an example of something I did today. A b'day party at a local attraction: S wanted to play laser tag. The rest of the kids & a few parents had done it already but S & I were finishing up s omething else & didn't make their team. I really didn't want S to go in by himself (tho it was quite safe) w/all strangers, so I suited up as well. Never played laser tag in my life, and the Old Me would have thought of every other possibility before even considering playing myself. But I did, and it was FUN (and I did damm well!) So, what I'm saying is, even if it doesn't sound like "you" or what you would normally like, try it - be open to new things, new people, new experiences. Find what makes H happy again, and let her grow.

On the holiday issue: Besides the fact that you will miss D's awfully if you're not w/them, why would you want to spend a 2wk long "holiday" w/a this man, w/the sitch the way it is? What kind of "good" can come out of it? Can you think of any alternatives, or options regarding the holiday?

{{peace}}, H; and, you're right: Tomorrow is another day. j.

[stillme]

H???
What's going on, girl?
Talk to me
j.

[hurtingbad]

Well its been a while. But thought I would come back and let u all know whats happened over past 4 months. I did go on hol with H and we had an absolutely fabulous time it was great. The best part when when we got absolutely plastered and he apolgised to me for what he had put me thrugh then went on to exlain that he had lied about not loving me that he had found that everything in the world was getting at him and on top of him and the easiest way to stop it all was to walk away from it.

So afer that night we didnt automatically jump back in there we stayed seperated whilst we were away (well as much seperated as u cna be sleeping in same room which i was relived to find had all single beds lol and spending 24 hours a day together). We didnt have any me time we spent the full hol doing things as a family.

When we got home he asked to talk again at which point he said he wanted to make a fresh start and start all over again which meant putting our house up for sale and getting a new one.

Well its now October we have spent all our spare time getting the house up to scratch and it is now on the market. H moved in the day after we got back from holiday and has been here since. I am still being the calm collective me that i learned to be while he was gone and even if i say so myself things are real good. We now as of last week have our wedding rings back on and we do things now that we never used to ie nights out meals etc

So fingers crossed and touching lots of wood my divorce is definately busted.

I would like to thank everybody here who helped me especially stillme ( i will be looking u up on forum girl to see how you getting on)

Thanks everybody and keep up the good work

Hugs and lots of kisses Ang (previuosly know as hurting bad

[JAK58]

HB,

You sound wonderfull.
Im'e in piecing and hope someday that my H can fully committ his heart to me. I also know i'll be ok either way.

JAK