Hey all....today was as odd a they come. W went to church early today for choir. The boys and I got there later. I waved at W as I walked by her. I went about my biz, and she came looking for me on 2 or 3 occaisions. Each time was for inane, unimportant things.
After church, she came over to work on the garage sale. After she was done, she "invited" herself over for dinner along the way. When the work was through, she read her book on the couch and then took a 2 hour nap. This is not unusual for her on a Sunday. I went about my business throughout the afternoon.
After dinner, S6 and I went to Bball. As I was leaving, I gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek. She didn't pull back, but she didn't respond either. She then went out to say goodnight to S6. After she did, she was smiling and I told her how nice her smile looked, and walked away.
I feel like it was a good day, but I still have nagging suspicions that it is an act. But then I think about how much time she spent here and could have left.......
Smiling and waving.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
MC, It is definitely a surreal life, my friend. Still it sounds like a lot of baby steps in there.
Just one question for you to think about: Do you think the hug/peck on the cheek is helping you to reach your goals? From here it seems like pursuing/not showing her that you are prepared to move on.
SD.
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Good question SD....It has become "habit" to give her a hug when our date or whatever is over, so don't feel it is pursuit. I don't know if it is helping or hurting my goals. I think she is aware of my ability to move on.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
I thought a lot about your question last night. One of my W's "issues" with me has been a lack of affection over the years. Kind of a taking her presence for granted thing. I am using a simple hug, touch on the shoulder etc to re-establish a physical, not sexual connection. So to answer your question, yes it is getting me closer to my goal.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Question for all you experts. With Mothers day coming up, how much do I do for W? S15 and I are refinishing a plant stand that belonged to W's grandma, at W's request, for Moms day. Also, over the course of the last week, W has been looking for new jeans that are affordable. She loves "Lucky" brand jeans, but they are expensive and she doesn't want to spend up to $100 for a pair. I am contemplating getting her a gift card for the Lucky store from the boys. She will obviously know it is from me, as they have no $. Good idea? Bad idea?
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
MC, Glad you took my question to heart. It sounds like in your sitch that the hug/kiss is a good DB technique (180). In my case, W has had intimacy issues for years (maybe always?), so I had to completely stop all of this as part of LRT and it has been one of the keys to some of the baby steps we have taken.
Concerning gifts, this gets really complicated when kids are involved. Again, ask the same question, will it bring you closer to your goals? My W has issues with my spendthrift ways, so when she requested to go out for a very expensive dinner with friends for her 40th, I said, if that's what you want for your bday, then let's do it. It turned out to be a great PMA booster for me and also was the first time that W has said (lovingly) "Thank you SD" in front of her friends in a LOONNGG time. Think about your history and the techniques you are experimenting with, will it be seen as negative (maybe using money for control?). Or will it be seen as a positive (really thinking about her). Of course the latter could be pursuing as well! Just have to make the call for your sitch, which is different than all of ours!
Good luck, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
I think that a gift card would be fine. It's for something that you know she wants (the thoughtful part) but it's still a gift card (the impersonal part). Yup.. I think that is just fine. Can you get me one, too? I've never had a $100 pair of jeans. Just GAP/Old Navy for me
