Sashaying thru Seperation II

[lovelyolive]

Straight from the DB coach - Totally normal behavior for your W to come forward then retreat. Until she is decided on what she wants, any closeness that she starts to feel for yo will make here retreat!

[mcojh]

LO- I am confused. Do you mean that if she starts to have feelings for me, it will make her retreat? If so, what should I do? Keep doing what I am doing or is there a diffferant strategy? It seems odd that her having feelings for me pushes her away.

[SuperDad]

MC,
This is related to her uncertainty in the permanancy of the changes she sees in you and also in her feelings toward you. Remember, not long ago she was convinced that getting away from you was the key to her happiness!!! Imagine how confused she is feeling to discover that she might have been wrong.

My advice is to re-read Step 3 of LRT in DR and do it! Give her space and time, focus on your GAL activities and BE PATIENT. She will get interested again if you can demonstrate that you have really changed.

Oh yeah, and most of all just... smile and wave!
SD

[mcojh]

I think she is definately interested. She just stopped over and dropped off some stuff for a garage sale. I was Mr Cool. She has been teasing me about stuff and joking around more and more. She even mocked me a little in jest.

I think I need to get photos of HB, LO and YoYo and put them on the fridge to really get her interested.

[lovelyolive]

MC - your W is confused. Like SD said, not long ago she thought that true happiness was without you. Now, you are rocking her world and she has to step back and think. Just stay off her roller coaster and keep doing the things that are bringing her closer to you. Stop doing those things that are pushing her away. Sounds simple, doesn't it?!

[lovelyolive]

oh.. and about the photos for your refrig, I don't photograph well so it's best to stick with HB, Aud, and Yoyo!!

[mcojh]

LO-I will let the photo comment go. I am willing to bet that you are being overly modest. As far as the other comments. When you say, quit doing the things that ae pushing her away, that confuses me.

Your DBC said that getting closer to me pushes her away. Does that mean I shouldn't try to get closer? Or do you mean keep doing what I am and she will get closer, but don't pursue etc?

[lovelyolive]

Keep doing the things that bring her closer - look for the signs - the baby steps that HB always talks about. But, don't be surprised if your W freaks because she feels like she's getting too close. Then, you give her space and start to slowly do those things that bring her closer to you again. You're right - don't pursue aggressively since that pushes her away. It's going to be a push-pull drama until she makes up her mind.

[Heartbroken]

I will do the photo thing if you will!!! I have such a hard time imagining what everyone here looks like!

MC - you are doing AWESOME and I just want to re-state what Lovely OLive says - do the positive things that bring you together. If you work from the heart - meaning you are doing what your gut feels is right I believe you are on the right track. My H and I seemed to spend more time together after he moved into the Apt.- your W is now trying to figure out what she thought was her path (leaving) she is weighing her options - the NEW MC or the OM that she really does not TRULY know!!!

BABY STEPS!

[mcojh]

If you picture a combination of Matt Damon and Tom Cruise, that is not me.

The positive things are what I am trying to continue. I have started to periodically send her funny emails, and she seems to like that. Last night, when she was leaving, I told her to be careful of my Suburban, because we were parked close and this spring she broke the mirror on it accidently. She smiled and made a comment. I started to say something, but just smiled and waved as she backed out.

I struggle with pulling the pursuit reins in when she pulls back. With Olive Oyl's insight, it makes it easier.