Riddle me this y'all. Could my W's recent reduction in calls to me be partly what LO said, that is, her confusion. What I am wondering though, is prior to moving out, she was real big on the "you never talk" part of the LRT. She would follow that with "I assumed that you didn't care." Now I have dispelled the I don't care part, but do I need to be aware of this and initiate some of the conversation?
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
I need to vent a bit. I am really confused right now. W seems to be so interested in being around me at times, and yet so recently she was so sure she was out the door. I am quite sure that her relationship with the FOM is status quo. I assumed that when she moved out, she would be gone with the FOM all the time, and yet she isn't (she is around me). Tonight, she brought up changing our kid schedule after school is out for more stability. It would result in more stability but is that really her motive? But then again, do I care? I don't want to, but sometimes I cannot help it. My biggest downfall is the recurring issue I have over their contact, which is mostly at work and phone conversation. Based on the e-mail from the past, he is this sappy ILU etc etc type, that my W never has been.
I know that the FOM is supposedly her soul mate (gag), but she told me this 2 months ago. What is the status now??? I know this would be wrong, but I almost feel like it is time to make her choose. (This would be wrong right???) Tonight I feel like resolution, whether good or bad, would be easier than this fight. I would at least have closure.
I think when she is around me more, I get crazier and more worried. I had a beer while she was here and it helped some to calm me, until she took a sip...when I looked at her, she said, "I only want a sip."
Hard to Smile and Wave......but I am trying.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
MC, Try re-reading ch. 9 of DR on "Pulling it all together". Also reference Frank_B's case. If you look at the time lines of theses sitches, you see that you just have to be patient.
Will forcing the issue bring you closer to your goals? Probably not I would say. You need to detach, detach, detach. Focus on you, maybe new GAL activities or renewed focus on these would help? Are you spending too much time alone/hanging around when W is there? Maybe making yourself less "available" would help you to focus less on what W is doing?
BTW, I got to ask from your "y'all" where are you located? I am from Texas and living in Florida (at least for now).
Smile and Wave INDEEED!! SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
No I am north of the Mason Dixon line ......I just get weird sometimes. And you are right. I need to work on my detachment, especially when she is around or trying to be around.
Crazy W called to say that she was stopping by on her way by because she forgot her left over chow mein. she took longer than I thought to get here, and when she did, the kids were not with her. She told me that S6 insisted on being dropped off first.
It was so important to get the leftovers I guess. I am so confused lately. Up down up down.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Good morning MC - Here's my 2 cents again (whether you want it or not!). First, I agree that it is too soon in this for you to either give up or make demands. Look at my sitch.. I've wanted and tried to do both and luckily my H has actually reeled me in! Obviously, neither strategy has worked either!
Unfortunatley, these things do take time and I believe that you are seeing some positive movement. Take those things and go with them! If she craves conversation, give her some in small doses and see how it goes. She obviously likes being around you and you are doing excellent in giving her just enough of you to keep her coming back. It's a fine line to walk... In the end, your hard work will be worth it.
I'm here with you in the exact same place.. trying to be patient
Thanks Olive. I know that it is too early to do anything rash, but the ups and downs yesterday really got to me. Part of me problem is I haven't been able to work out for a few days, but I am healed and hitting it hard today.
I keep thinking that the progress we are making should be faster. Some days my patience is thin for some reason. And yesterday it was really thin. The thought of the fact that she is around the OM during the day crept into my mind and the fact that she is playing both sides right now is extremely frustrating.
When she came back for her "leftovers", I was better, and able to be much calmer.
Trying to smile and wave.....
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Another thing that is bothering me about yesterday. W was "inspecting" my house cleaning, which isn't perfect, but the house looks pretty good. She only had criticism about stuff. Stuff like a bookshelf being dusty and the area behind a toilet being dusty/dirty. Afterwords, I wanted to tell her to go F herself. I work fulltime and am busy.
Just a little more venting. It feels good to vent.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Of course she is playing both sides right now but you are beginning to replace om and the reasons she goes running to him. Just takes time before she believes in you.
Next time she complains about your housekeeping abilities.. just agree with her.. Like you said, who cares anyway?
