How long does Replay last?

[still hoping]

I've been reading up a lot on MLC. Along with MLC, I think my husband is suffering from masked/covert depression. I read that Replay can last from 6 months to 3 years. My H is extreme in everything he does. Is 3 years extremely long or average? Can replay last longer? I've already given up on our M, but I still love and care about my H and want to learn everything about MLC so that I can be there for him if he needs me. I think he's been in replay for about 18 months, but seriously in it (or maybe revisiting?) for about 6 months now.

Any information on Replay and masked/covert depression would really be appreciated.
Thanks!

[braveheart]

Good question, difficult to answer, some NEVER leave replay. I would say the average, if there is one, is about 2 years or so.

[Rollercoasterider]

Replay lasts aboiut two years. Replay IS Covert Depression. The only cure for Covert Depression is Overt Depression.

Many suffer from Covert Depression--especially men. The best book out there is I Don't Want To Talk About It by Terrence Real.

Giving UP on your marriage is a choice. But why not try Giving IN first.

Giving IN means you are letting go, realeasing. Whereas Giving UP is a complete lack of Faith and no Hope for anything ever.

Replay: Life's Bachelor Party

HUGS,
RCR

[Struggling_Husba]

I am just reading "I Don't Want tot Talk About It." I highly recommend it. I identify with so much of what he describes as covert depression and I definitely fell into the trap of using addiction to keep the covert depression from becoming over depression. Good book! If your H seems withdrawn, addicted, etc. give this book a try.

[still hoping]

Thanks bh, rcr, sh...

I certainly hope that H will not be one of those who never leaves Replay. After reading RCR's thread on Replay, I feel like he's still trying to keep us on the backburner. He hasn't taken all of his things from the house (ours or his mother's) - also doesn't have money to buy new clothes, just wears the same outfits over and over again even though he has a whole wardrobe at his mom's and our place - and denies there is any R with OW to me even after 9 months of S. His behavior is baffling, but I'm starting to understand it more, the more I read.

About Giving UP or Giving IN to my M... I'll have to think about that one. Your description for giving up is really final, and I've said that I can't say that I will never consider being with him again. So my decision has been to give up FOR NOW - is that actually giving in? Spoke to someone today and told her how I'm giving up on my M but not on my H, and she said I should give up on H because by not giving up on him, I'm still hoping there is a chance for our M. I didn't agree with her at all - I think I can separate the two, but I am I just fooling myself and setting myself up for another disappointment? Another question for me to seriously consider.

I've been reading some articles online from Real. I'll try to get the book this weekend. Thanks for the recommendation.

[still hoping]

Another question:

Assuming I decide to give IN instead of give UP, aside from lovingly detaching, is there any point for me to DB anymore given the state of MLC he's in?

I'm dying to see how he will be towards me tomorrow when I see him. He messaged me on my b-day 2 days ago saying "Happy Birthday! I didn't forget..." - but that was it since he "introduced" me to OW (who he denied was OW) last weekend when I showed up unannounced at his restaurant. I have a feeling he will either be really nice or will not be at his mom's at all to avoid me. And WTF did that message mean anyways??? He's been so distant with me that the "I didn't forget" part is the most personal thing he's said to me in such a long time, in the sense that it shows some kind of R between us (because he thinks I'd assume he'd forget). Or could be nothing at all. One more thing I just remembered - at the restaurant, he intoduced me to another staff member as his wife. Back in October when he introduced me to another staff member, he totally left that part out. No idea what it all means, not that I even care anymore.

[MidwesternGirl]

Still Hoping--If it makes you feel any better, my H still has all of his tools and different things in our garage, has all of his books here, and even keeps a few bags of clothes in his trunk. Has done that for almost one year now.

If these guys were serious about moving out permanently, they would not have items scattered here and there.

[still hoping]

SF,
Funny you should mention toolbox - that's the one thing he DID take with him! Which is how I figured out he got another place. STILL claims to stay at friends' place when not at his mom's (friend has told me he hasn't stayed there since bomb in July 06). If he really wanted it to be over, wouldn't he have told me he's getting his own place???

[MidwesternGirl]

These men............

Mine and OW finally moved into their own shack in March after living with her daughter, son in law and little kids.

Actually, I am kind of glad this happened because now it is just the two of them, no interruptions or diversions, no phone calls from me or the kids, nobody to cook for him (still!), he still has to do his own laundry................

I wonder why mine did not take a toolbox? Gosh, if I wanted to see all of this stuff, I could make thousands........Oh yeah, he even has a lot of car stuff such as oil, brake fluid, coolant, etc.

[still hoping]

To add to my above Questions (they're never ending!):

If depression stems from unresolved childhood issues, and my H is now disowned from his father since our S, does that mean he will not come out of replay until those issues with his father are addressed/resolved?