I am strruggling to keep a PMA right now. W has been here all day long. We have done fine, but other people were around as well. When we finally got alone, she started talking about what her mom had said to her when she was here earlier and that spun into a R talk. Her mom asked her how she was doing etc. W told her and told me, that no one understands that it isn't about the OP. That it is about her eating disoorder and how we were with each other.
The R talk then followed. She told me that she is having contact with the OM (duh) and that she sometimes feels that I am following her She doesn't talk about the OM because it hurts me. She also said that she knows that we feel differantly about the times when we go out etc. She told me that she likes it because it is comfortable due to our history. She also told me that she knows I am looking for more out of it. She told me that people think it is odd that we do stuff together, and she thinks it is odd sometimes too.
Am I wrong for getting upset inside????? I told her that I have also enjoyed our "dates" and hoped that it would bring us closer. She replied that she knows that we will always have a relationship due to the kids and she doesn't want it to be a hatefull hurtfull thing.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Been there, I am still there and will be there again. Do something for your self. Go get an Ice-cream or do something besides think about it. I'll be buzzing along and then it hits me again I feel down for awhile but when I start doing something I forget and feel better until the next time. Tonight I would rather just stay home but I am not because I want my W to see me going out and having a good time.( I was even thinking about maybe sleeping in the camper tonight and then noisily come in the house about 7:am.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Of course you are upset. Just like me, you want the baby steps to lead to this big huge epiphany where your W turns and runs to you and says how wrong she is and begs you to take her back. The very small steps forward are hard. You know what you need to keep doing..
Believe nothing of what she says and 1/2 of what she does. She will talk in complete negatives because she is hurting and confused. Remember that part of the book? I got that same speech about how it's not about the OP just last week.
IMHO, people who are hell bent on splitting up don't date at all.
I agree Frank, on the availability piece. My problem is that I have two flawed thinkings. 1 is that if she is with me, she can't be with the FOM. I think that every moment with me and not him helps me. I am not sure if I have the strength to "abandon" her and be unavailable. 2 is I can't resist her. I truly love her and want to be with her. I never appreciated how much until this mess started.
Then you combine that with the A, and I really start to lose my mind. I know she is seeing and/or talking to the OM, and that really drives me up a tree. She went to a co-workers house for a few drinks tonight, and I am fighting my inclination to drive by and see if the FOM is there as well. So far I am not going to do it. When she told me what she was doing tonight, I told her if they got too deep into the margaritas, to call me rather than drive. As she left, she told me that she would call if she needed me to drive her.
Trying my best to smile and wave.....
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
MC, I swear it's like you read my mind. I have often too thought if he's with me then he's not with her. I also get paranoid that when he's not here, he's doing something with her. Dang, this is hard! That's why I have such a hard time with the detachment too, I believe.
Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
