Well I hope everyone gets something out of the articles on that site. I found it interesting that the basic premise of the author is almost identical to DBing techniques.
Anyway, after consulting with my mentor Theo, I have decided that I am in no worse shape today than yesterday. In all actuality, I am probably in better shape. I grow stronger each day and win or lose this "battle" I will be a better person.
I plan to continue with the path that I have been on, with the addition of the "subtle" absences. I need to be less available on an "always" basis. A good example of this still escapes me, but I hope I see it when it is there.
This morning when I left was hard for some reason, although being alone at work is somewhat calming. I had the urge to pursue and did my best not to.
I still feel like this is a dream, the flip flops, mixed messages and lying wears on a fellow. I am unsure if I will bring up doing something tonight or if I will let her bring it up. I had initiated that so if I don't she probably won't either. Oh well just gotta wing it and quit over analyzing evcerything...
Smiling and ready to wave
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Well I got home from work as the garage sale was wrapping up. Perfect timing for once.
I decided that I would not bring up going out tonight. I decided that if she brought it up, I had a plan in mind and would implement our date, but I wasn't initiating.
After we cleaned up, she asked what time I was picking her up? She suggested a chain Mexican place to eat and I said, "No, I was planning that we would go to XXXX to eat and walk around by the river." Howwwwwwwwlllll am I alpha or what. If I could just get this being unavailable thing.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Good for you MC... I just finished doing some reading on being an alpha male. Keep it up. Make your W chase after you. I am not there yet in my sitch but I am hoping that I soon will be.
Ah yes another sucessful date night, IMHO. We went to a small river town about 15 minutes from our house. It is a town that we always have liked to go to for an evening out, but with busy schedules, never made enough time to go there.
We ate at a nice Italian restaurant. A little spendy, but I didn't care, the food was great. We had some good conversation and an overall good time. During our talks, she made statements that I describe as "seperate" statements. Referring to me having to do stuff in the future without her around. She also tod me that she asked S15 if the fact that we do stuff is confusing to him. He told her that he is glad we are able to do stuff together. How can he not be confused????? Why did she tell him we were doing stuff together when we agreed from the beginning not to tell the kids.
Anyway, we stopped for a nightcap on the way home and I brought her home. We hugged and as she walked away, I was talking to her and she smirked and hit the garage door openner. I stuck my foot out and reversed the door and jumped in my truck, stuck my tongue out and left......
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
I'm new to the forum, but have just invested HOURS catching up on your saga. Man, you are one tough dude! Seriously, I admire your courage, strength, persistance and mostly, your values. Your dedication to your family is inspiring and at the end of the day, the example you are setting for your boys in terms of not giving up on your family will be with them forever, regardless of the situation's outcome.
I am unfortunately in the early stages of all this. Essentially, the W is saying there is no hope, never really loved me, never will and all that. So reading your posts and the incredible responses you get from a very caring cast and crew here provides much needed guidence during this dreadful time.
It looks as though your situation is improving to me, just in the fact that your W is "dating" you, even though she sees it as something else. Yeah, right. I believe much of what you are dealing with is similar to my problems. My W didn't like the fact that I didn't stand up for her with a sitch we were involved in (even though she told me not to). BTW, my W did the eating disorder thing too before we were together; it never truly goes away I think. Also, I just have not been an Alpha Male in her eyes, and that is a big mistake because my W likes men to be strong. I'll read the book and see how that goes.
The DBing thing is brutal. Detach? Hell, I want to grab her and never let go. Wrong move, don't I know. That's what I've been doing for two years when she has been screaming for space. If I only knew then.......
Big kudos on the weight loss thing. My bomb was 4 1/2 months ago and I've gone from 225 (at 5'11") to 175. At first, I just couldn't eat, but then I hit the gym, got a personal trainer, entirely changed my diet (how do you keep eating wings and drinking all the beer?) and just put a lot of energy into making positive changes. Of course my wife screwed our kid's swim coach (her 38 / him 23) who is a young, well-built guy - happened over two years ago (only once). That revelation on bomb-day woke my fat a** up! This getting-in-shape thing at least let's me have control over something, and something important.
Keep being an inspiration to us newcomers! I'll be checking in regularly from now on and hope I can add a nugget or two of insight. In the meantime, I'm going to read up on the sitch's of the others in here that have provided so many good words. I know I will learn more there as well.
If anyone wants to chime in on my mess, here goes (can anyone tell me how to cleanly link this to my "signature")
Me: 39 WAW: 40 S10, D7, S6 Bomb #1 - 12-24-06: Move out (ILYBNILWY - admitted '05 PA) Move back: 3-2-07 (W: I still want to be married to you) Bomb # 2 - 4-11-07: (W: Can't do this - never loved you) Move out again: 4-29-07 Dark: 6-8-07
I have to say I'm very confused as to some of the aspects of the whole Alpha Male thing. I don't want to pee in anyone's Cheeerios here, but how does an AM stand back while he knows someone else in moving in on their territory? I know, you get involved and it pushes her to him. I'm dealing with this now myself.
But, what if the opposite were to occur? Some women must look at their not-so-Alpha Male as being very weak if they stand by and do nothing. What man LETS that happen?
I admire MC's restraint when the sitch went from EA to PA. One was just averted in my own life yesterday. I didn't do anything because I did not believe it was going to go physical. If I knew it was going on, I don't think I could sit back, do the DB stuff with a calm and cool demeanor knowing that just hours before or hours later W was/is in some OG's bed.
Again, does the passive approach sometimes backfire?
