Dam it, I'm torn between jumping up and down, screaming, like you just made the game winning touch down, or letting a few tears well up because I know how hard it was for you to send that first email.
Well. End of sappy Corri. You did it. High fives and happy dances for you, all around.
I'm just talking out loud here... but I'm wondering if maybe you shouldn't hold off on confronting her with the EA thing... at least for the time being... and see if she brings it up to you on her own. ??
Anyway... all the stuff you are doing... your attitude and what not... I'm sitting here going... wow...
Choc wrote:"Last nite, on our way back from S14's baseball game, S14, S10 and I surprised Mrs. Choc. by stopping in the gym, as S10 "wanted to say hi" to her. Of course, Dad46 had suggested to S10, "Hey, how about we go surprise mommy?" I wanted to throw her a little off-balance, wanted to eye up the OM, and wanted him -- and her -- to see the tangible faces of her family."
Now we are cooking with grease!
How about a really nice flower arrangement sent to her work. No roses, but something really colorful, big and with balloons. You want everyone to notice it.
Mark your territory.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Wow. That "sappy Corri" is really attractive. LOL Thanks for the cheerleading, and may I add you look great in your skirt and sweater?
You bring up a great point:
Quote:
I'm just talking out loud here... but I'm wondering if maybe you shouldn't hold off on confronting her with the EA thing... at least for the time being... and see if she brings it up to you on her own. ??
As near as I can tell, this has happened twice before with my wife. BOTH TIMES, she brought it up to me and was totally honest with me (which made me feel like a heel, as here I was, logging her keystrokes on the computer, and thinking that I was really finding out her "secrets"). Once was an old flame from high school, which she agreed to meet and have lunch with when he was driving thru town (about 6 years ago), and the other was a guy she met over the internet (about 10-12 years ago?)
My wife has always been honest with me, and I think that there's a very good chance she will tell me this time, too, her "no, there is not 'someone else'..." comment from this morning notwithstanding. She also must just be pretty alarmed that I knew SOMETHING was up with her, anyway, don'tchathink?
Here is something to keep in mind from a tactical point of view while you decide whether to confront or not.
The other man is also going to step up his efforts once he sees you doing so. Keeping what you know a secret merely ices the cake as the middle (your wife) gets played from both sides. Her knowing that you know takes some of the fantasy out of that.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Maybe note saying "'Just Because', to my Hot Wife CPT" (Certified Personal Trainer)
Let me find out when she works again. I think it's this evening, only for about an hour, and then again tomorrow. Tomorrow might work -- give me a chance to talk to her tonite first, and see if she "comes clean" about anything. But either way, this is classic, and I know a great idea when I see one.
You may want to post also in the Infidelity forum to get input on how effective confrontation is about a possible EA at this point in your R.
I think you will find that pretty uniformly it has been UNhelpful.
Give the dust a chance to settle and keep an eye on things for a few days, then see where you are. At some point, you will need to clear the air and work thorugh your concerns.
But, in general, what seems to be the case is that the time to work through an EA is when you are both FULLY committed to growing a healthy, vibrant, passionate M together.
Making your presence known is great, and I like your low-keyed approach. Next time you see the guy, give him a steely glare.
I guess I agree w/ NOP's last post -- if she knows you know that either she is or may have been or even may have been thinking about an EA, and knows that you aren't going to be ok w/ that and it needs to end immediately if you guys are going to work on your M, that would probably be the best. That way, she will know the boundaries, etc. She can't have it both ways. To tell you the truth though, even if they were TM'ing, it may not have been all that serious.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
You've answered my love questions. You love her in spades. That's the first time I've heard such emotion from you. It was all "zero romantic interest" previously.
Good move on popping by the gym with your tribe. Makes you look like even more of a leader.
IMO your W is still on the fence. She was going down a road of mystery and excitement and now she's stopped dead in her trracks eyeing the piece of candy and looking back to that ugly rut she's been living in.
Although your sitch is very tenuous I want to give you a ray of hope:
This from Mrs. Choc:
"We'll talk more. This isn't anything we are going to fix in a day. We need to take time and discuss things and figure out where we are. I love my family with all my heart and being in this place right now isn't anything I have ever wanted to happen. I guess maybe I was living in a fairytale thinking that you could just go through life with no problems, and I was never honest with myself because it would burst that bubble that I always had about what marriage should be..."
The key words here are "aren't gonna fix in a day," "love my family with all my heart", "maybe I was living in a fairytale," and "was never honest with myself."
Do you see the subtext here? If she were 100% sure she wanted out I doubt she would use "fix." Would probably end with "we need to discuss our options that would be fair to both of us." Etc.
The other fairytale and not being honest with self comments are a direct window into her taking responsibility for her foolish "pie in the sky" thinking. This sign of a conscience will go far in dealing with the older woman-younger man scenario with OM undoubtedly circling her thoughts IMO.
-Stigmata-
The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is the warrior views everything as a challenge; the ordinary man views everything as either a blessing or a curse.
-Yaqui shaman Don Juan-
...and that holds 2x true for nice guy wussies, DJ
Here is something to keep in mind from a tactical point of view while you decide whether to confront or not.
The other man is also going to step up his efforts once he sees you doing so. Keeping what you know a secret merely ices the cake as the middle (your wife) gets played from both sides. Her knowing that you know takes some of the fantasy out of that.
NOP, let me be sure I follow you. Are you saying it's GOOD to take the fantasy out of it for her, or it's BAD? I'm thinking it's GOOD, as she's made a bunch of comments recently, esp. to our daughters when talking about their own BF problems, that "sometimes it's good to keep them guessing." It's like she WANTS more intrigue in her life???
LOL Thanks for the cheerleading, and may I add you look great in your skirt and sweater? 