Oh boy ... I feel like hibernating for the rest of the winter 'til spring, when the windows can be opened ... to be able spend time outside after work as the sun shines so I can counter my W's moods that have been sucking me down lately. This past weekend has been the worst so far this season. Nothing I've tried lately been working and out of frustrations, I allow some old behavior to come back yesterday, and that sure enough just made it worse. Sheesh!
Actually, I've been letting my expectations get the better of me. Despite my insecurities six months ago, my W's attention and affections were at a peak I hadn't seen in years. Now, during her better days, I'm expecting them to return, but they are just not there and been allowing that to affect me lately in how I act.
I guess as far as where to go from here, I need to wipe the slate clean again and eliminate my expectations from W until she decides to change something about her condition. (She hasn't listen to any of my recommendations lately...especially to make an appointment to get medical evaluation by a new psychiatrist, since she doesn't believe the one she is seeing is helping her any.)
Sorry for the downer of a post. One reason why I haven't been around much lately ... haven't felt like I have had much to contribute of late.
don't really have any suggestions other than to find some way to keep your spirits up despite the season...w has to come around in her own time and keeping the focus on her and your energies on her is not helping her and seems to only be bringing you down.
try to keep your chin up spring isn't all that far away..seems like we are all having a bit of cabin fever let's be glad we don't live in one of those places where it's six months night and six months day...(god I'd die there)
get back to you make you happy for you if wife wants to follow that will be up to her...you can't help her she can only help herself!! she knows that you are there if she needs you (or maybe you can simply let her know that you are there if she needs you, her plan, her idea, her goal, you'll do it her way instead of "telling" her what to do) that is really all you can do.
I wish I did, my friend. I guess it's like LL suggestion, just do something nice for yourself. You have no control over your W, but you do over your own happiness. What has KAW been wanting to do lately that he hasn't been able to?
Hey, Kaw..great to hear from you..you need to come by and vent..sorry about the down days...wish there was some magic cure for it all...hope your w realizes that maybe she does need to seek help elsewhere..but as you are so patient..it has to be her choice..keep doing the things that work..and keep doing for you! Sue
Well, I'm a bit better today. Yesterday, I felt I had to regroup my efforts and focus on what needed to change to make myself feel better. Yesterday's post served as a send off in that direction. Apparently, my W has also recognized her part to contributing to the streak of bad days that led to last weekend. When I arrived home yesterday, she was definately putting in an effort to make the evening better than recent days past. In return, I let her know how I appreciated her efforts ... so there were lotsa hugs and hand holding. So my PMA is doing better.
Well I feel like a ground hog who just popped out of all the snow around here and its gonna take at least six weeks for it to disappear. After I was done shovelling this evening I saw a wall of snow 5 feet high all around my driveway and it hasn't stopped snowing yet. Temperatures got so cold this weekend, that I had some pipes freeze. With the blizzard, I guess everyone has nothing to do but get online, so the phone lines to my ISP have been busy since yesterday. So this is my first tie back to the outside world.
Valentine's Day was dismal. When my W takes a shower in the morning she takes her rings off. While she dried off, we were sharing the bathroom. I took her rings from the countertop and placed them on her finger again and gave her a Happy Valentine's greeting with a kiss & a hug. She then commented on she was worried at first when I picked up the rings that I was taking them from her?!
It's been nearly two months since we've gone out for dinner because she doesn't like going out while dark, so I called around lunchtime to sweet talk her into going out for a V-day dinner. She seem favorable to going, then at 4:00pm, she called and backed out. I said OK and that I'll be home soon. Now for weeks, I been pondering what to do for a gift as she has been adamant about not wanting anything. I decided to go with a miniture rose shrub and a card, plus stopped at the market for some essetials (milk, eggs, bread, etc...). When I got home she was in bed...(again). I gave her the card and the rose shrub. She read the card and then put it down without reaction, and turned her attention to the shrub. She genuinely seem to like the miniture roses and how it would look great in the garden. She kept them near and smelled them often. She hadn't prepared anything for dinner, so I asked her what she wanted. She said hot cereal and toast. I made it and served it to her in bed. I kinda lost my appetite, so I just forgo making anything for me and made up something quick for my DD. My wife started to claim I will now be angry at her. In prior years, I propbably would have been, on this day I was not and emphasized I wasn't. The anger really is gone, but has been replaced with a sadness that must be how Charlie Brown had felt on V-day. Soon after my W went to sleep.
Saturday was just too darn cold to go out to do anything, so we stayed home and did some chores. I decided to call my sister, whom I hadn't spoke to since the holidays. It turns out she is going through a crisis, so I tried to be as supportive as I could over the phone as it definately seemed she needed someone to talk to. My W was in earshot of most of it. When I asked why sis didn't call me to talk sooner, she replied that because of the hard time I had gone through last year she did want to impose. I replied I was always here to talk no matter what and that things were getting better in that regard too.
While filling in the details to my W, she deduced the meaning behind my "getting better" statement and she got upset and replied. "Its only getting better? I thought we were passed all this." This led to an OR talk which help clear the air about some of what has happened the past couple of months and managed to get her to talk about some of her feeling of depression of late. She also wanted to know why I felt we still hadn't "made" it yet. Well for starters, she was the one who last said we were still working on M and she never told me she felt we "made" it and was secure in R. Add the distancing, decline in affection and her depression, I still feel a bit of insecurity about her commitment to M based on some similar behavior I had seen last year. I brought up I didn't even receive a V card yesterday. She answered she did get me one, but she could find it to give to me.
In the end, it turned out to be one of our most productive talks we have ever had and yesterday and today, she has been much more responsive, attentive, spent less time in bed and putting more of an effort to fighting back against the feeling of depression. This week I will get some of the books I had mentioned during our talk for recommended reading to find more ways to help turn our life around.
First, your wife is now the one insecure...watching you closely, looking for meanings behind your words.
She was afraid you were taking her wedding ring away???
Giggle!!!
That's great!
And she was disapointed that you only saw your relationship as getting better, she obviously hoped you see it as 'fixed.'
Perhaps she's been so wrapped up in herself lately that she hasn't realized how she looks from your perspective. It sounds like that Relationship talk gave her some insight into how you are seeing things.
I bet you feel confused..but I see lots of good things going on for you!
Quoting PhoenixNTraining: ...And she was disapointed that you only saw your relationship as getting better, she obviously hoped you see it as 'fixed.'
Yeah to keep with the theme of this thread, I guess she felt she was back in Kansas, but I didn't get a "Honey, I'm home" from her. So as she seemed to depart from Emerald City, I began to wonder if she was getting lost in the forest again.
After I was done shovelling this evening I saw a wall of snow 5 feet high all around my driveway and it hasn't stopped snowing yet. Temperatures got so cold this weekend, that I had some pipes freeze. 
Soon after my W went to sleep. 
This led to an OR talk which help clear the air about some of what has happened the past couple of months and managed to get her to talk about some of her feeling of depression of late. She also wanted to know why I felt we still hadn't "made" it yet. Well for starters, she was the one who last said we were still working on M and she never told me she felt we "made" it and was secure in R. Add the distancing, decline in affection and her depression, I still feel a bit of insecurity about her commitment to M based on some similar behavior I had seen last year. I brought up I didn't even receive a V card yesterday. She answered she did get me one, but she could find it to give to me. 
