Kaw..sorry about the attack..we have no idea what they must be like...it must be a constant fear of what if it happens..or when..I hope your w will be able to improve as time goes on.. I too, agree with everyone..if I had not found the books and this site. I am almost sure h and I would be heading into d court..(It may still happen)but I know that I would not have handled myself in the way that I have...there would have been things said that you can never take back, and that is what would have pulled us apart.Sometimes I think I should not be here, as I don't have any big things going on, but I need to connect to others, if only to say hi, and have someone who knows how I feel care. Hope your night is better Sue
Have you ever tried reading out loud to your wife to help avert the attacks? My wife found it very soothing to hear my voice as I was reading to her. No "get smarter" types of books, just some of her favorites, to help take her to a different place. My wife's favorite was a silly Bette Middler book. Just a thought if you haven't tried it.
Also, prozac was a very, very, very bad med for my wife. It did wierd things to her both times she tried it, and didn't help with her panic attacks at all. In fact, I think it may have contributed to her having more! I know that different meds work for different people, and sometimes it might be a combination that works best. To be honest with you, I've heard a lot of bad things about prozac, and there are a lot of other, newer meds out there. "We" will never take that one again.
Hang in there, buddy. I/we just got through riding out another wave, brought on by some old family issue demons, which I think she has hit bottom on. We'll hopefully never be plagued with this situation, for that cause, again. I think that things are at a better place now for both of us than they were before. So, it CAN happen!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Quoting hoping : ...it must be a constant fear of what if it happens..or when..
Thanks for dropping by Sue. You are always welcome here. ... and that sums up the vicious cycle in a nutshell!! That constant fear is what triggers the majority of the attacks ... a self-fulfilling prophecy in its purest form.
JJ, alway glad to see you stop by. In general, my W has told me several times she doesn't like being read to, but it might be something to explore as it relates to her attacks. (Jethro, also mentioned how his W likes to have him chatter about nothing of real importance but the sound of his voice soothes her.) She does get a premonition that an attack is coming on. Often she tries to keep it to herself, but if we can find something that soothes her during this phase, perhaps we could ward off an attack.
My W had three really good years when she first started taking Prozac, so she is convinced that the med is the main reason for when she does feel good, but those time have gotten to far between to say it really working. You're right there may be something new out there that may be more effective. This is why I would like her see a new psychiatrist, but she has been procrastinating on this front. My biggest fear now is she might have to be hospitalized again. She mentioned this past weekend that she has had thoughts of suicide again. Not that she wants to act upon them like she did eight years ago when she had it all planned out, but she is afraid that they may persist, now that they have surfaced again. The problem here is she has such a BIG fear of being admitted into a hospital again that she has stated she would rather face death than go back in. Last year during the time when all I ever saw from her was a lot of anger towards me, it was in an early MC session when she admitted to thoughts of suicide at that time. By law the C has to make sure the patient follows up immediately with a psychiatric session. My W just crumbled with the possibility of ending up being admitted that she just clinged to me and pleaded with me continuously not to have her locked up. The follow up only turned out to be an adjustment in her medication, but that wasn't entirely effective which is one reason I would like her to seek a second opinion.
Anyway, JJ, I'm glad to hear that you came out on top of your most recent "surfing" adventure. I do look towards you for inspiration.
Just real quick here, KAW, 'cuz I need to tend to more "preventive medicine" at this house!
Often she tries to keep it to herself, but if we can find something that soothes her during this phase, perhaps we could ward off an attack.
I don't think that the "keeping it to herself" thing could ever be good. I've found that when my wife does this, it just keeps cycling in her head, and growing. This is one area that might take some thought on how to either divert, or release and process, her thoughts.
The suicide thoughts is a very touchy area. Just went through that, too, but fortunately it was just feelings, and not a whole lot of efforts towards action. I wasn't sure what to do, but felt that hospitalization might have made matters worse at the time. We were VERY lucky that I was right. Does your wife do any journaling? This helps my wife to release some of her thoughts, and get them down on paper, no matter how ugly they are.
Meds for anxiety and depression are kinda funny, in the fact that it seems that what works well for awhile often loses it's effectiveness. Don't know if it's a biological, physiological, psychological, or illogical thing. Just seems to be that way.
Gotta run, but will get back to you later, my friend! Hope your night goes well!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Quote: Jethro, also mentioned how his W likes to have him chatter about nothing of real importance but the sound of his voice soothes her.
What're you tryin' to say?
Sorry to hear your W is having an especially hard time lately. When my W had her attack, I simply kept talking about home improvements we could make, trips we could take, etc. Fun stuff. But she wouldn't let me stop! I'm not really a chatter box, so to go on for a couple of hours was a challenge! In any case, maybe give it a try to see how it works. Good luck, my friend.
Quoting Jamesjohn: This is one area that might take some thought on how to either divert, or release and process, her thoughts.
This is where I am hoping the book "Feeling Good" (still wanting for delivery) I mentioned before will help out.
Only when my W gets into a constant state of dispair does she journal. That's one of the reasons why I'm a "snooper", because new entries are a key flag for me to know she is preparing to act upon how she feels. She never journals when she better about herself.
Jethro, I was just making a connection between your experience and JJ's in how the sound of your voices seem to sooth your S's. For the most part, I've trying to coach her thru them. Gentle reminders to breath thru it, telling her it will pass and she will be alright, but for the most part I try to be quiet to allow her to focus on keeping her breathing regular. Maybe its time to take a different approach.
Quote: Jethro, I was just making a connection between your experience and JJ's in how the sound of your voices seem to sooth your S's.
I know...I was just ribbin' you!
My W didn't really wanting me to coach her. She didn't want me to mention her anxiety AT ALL...just wanted me to chatter away... Not sure which method would be better... Perhaps a combination?
Quote: Gentle reminders to breath thru it, telling her it will pass and she will be alright, but for the most part I try to be quiet to allow her to focus on keeping her breathing regular. Maybe its time to take a different approach.
not that I know if I suffer from depression or anxiety or not..(think sometimes I do get overwhelmed with life) but when I get in a mood..especially at night trying to fall asleep and things are spinning through my head...h has always told me to breath and relax...and honestly it does about as much good as a man telling a woman who is in labor to breath...I know h is only trying to help but most of the time it only serves to add another item to the list of thoughts running through my head...like why does h tell me to just breath and relax instead of "activly" listening to me??
I wonder KAW if wife journals...is there anyway she could verbally journal to you?? without you trying to "fix" everything for her...but simply listening and trying to understand and validate her feelings? even if they have nothing to do with you or you don't fully understand them?
I know my h has never fully understood my feelings..because for the most part I simply let too much effect me...the days interactions run through my head and I sit and wonder did I say the right thing..did I offend anyone etc...h doesn't think in this manner so thinks I should just be like him and shrug it all off...and breath...doesn't work for me...all I seek is some affirmation..validation...understanding...
I've listened to his 'relieve stress and anxiety tape.' It's pretty good, but lately I've been sticking with his weight loss tape and his astral projection tape. I like the astral projection tape because it gets into the relaxation exercises right away. I think the relieve stress and anxiety tape starts with an exercise in which you re-create in your mind a nasty situation. His point is that it's in your mind, and your feelings react to what's in your mind, rather than the other way around. However, I don't find it very relaxing and if she is in the middle of an attack, I don't think it would help! If you decided to buy this tape, you could record a copy of it without that first part so that she'll have the relaxation exercises.
Every tape of his starts with, "Hello, Greetings...and Welcome." My dad hears that and he falls asleep instantly...talk about trained!
My mom bought a whole bunch of tapes back about 15 years ago. I've listened to most of them. He has a really calming voice.
I also like his psychic protection because it walks you through creating a 'safe place' in your mind.
Perhaps this would be a good alternative to babbling?
I find it calming to listen to the same tape again and again. And it trains my mind to know that when I pop in the tape, that it's bedtime.
That constant fear is what triggers the majority of the attacks ... a self-fulfilling prophecy in its purest form.
That's one of the reasons why I'm a "snooper", because new entries are a key flag for me to know she is preparing to act upon how she feels. She never journals when she better about herself.
