Were you on other forums like Newcomer under a similar name during the sep or D?
Just thought I recalled seeing you there. We have met so many people in the Newcomer and Separated forums for example, that sounded like their partner was in mlc. But that is not always something we suggest since the WAS is so much like a MLCer.
Their behavior and their script are often indistinguishable. It is their early life and influences growing up that begin to tell the tale. If you start a thread, tell a little about what you think her early years were like with her parents, mostly her dad. It can be defining for later years. You will read a lot about the effect of low self esteem (visible or invisible) playing into the crisis.
Be certain that too many times people want to find something to hang on to when they are drowning. We often want to label our WAS or X as mlc since that gives hope that there is some eventual end in sight. This is not always the case. Even if you were to determine in your mind that she was/is MLC, they do not all try to return in the end.
Some will never accept the blame or return to live each day with the guilt of their own actions and damage done. Things written say that many will try to return, and that half are then rejected by the LBS. That can be for many reasons. Maybe they did too much damage that the LBS can't forgive. Maybe they stayed away in crisis too long and the LBS finally let go and moved on; perhaps to someone who hasn't destroyed them before.
The last one should be of no surprise even to the folks that support standing for the M in support of unconditional love. It can become hard to do that if the crisis consumes the M in a D and the WAS/MLCer seems to have moved on happily into their next life. We read about letting go and GAL. We preach about GAL and sometimes that will lead to moving on.
I think it is fair to say we all believe in DB basics that include GAL. Sorry to meet you here but hope you find good insight into what your X may have been going through and how to interact with her in the future.
Nice post! You know, to this day my father has never apologized to any of us for his behavior so many years ago. Needless to say my interaction with him is very limited, although I can tell a difference in him after all these years, but it seemed like a VERY long time, much more than 5 years, seemed more like 10. Anyway, my mother has still not gotten over what my dad put her through, don't know that she ever will. When someone that you love treats you badly, it leaves scars, and he never apologized or tried to come back. Funny thing is, they are both still alone after this time.
Some people never apologize for their actions. They somehow assume that you 'know' that they are sorry. They may try to make amends in other ways. My ex started sending us money, after he became engaged to the ow. But I think you know enough about my situation....or ex-situation,lol.
Your father might open up to you if he had the 'safe place' to do that and you would hear an apology. I believe that you are okay with things the way they are...but only you will know if this opportunity would benefit you. You may not be ready at this time to even consider this.
Anyway keep 'dodging the advances' of the crazy moms and enjoy the attention. It lets you know that you are still attractive to the opposite sex. My D16's bf's tease her and tell her that she better hope she looks like her mother at 50. My S18's friends make comments and he just chuckles and shakes his head like you know she's not even listening to you. Her best friend calls it 'moxi or mojo.' I enjoy hearing how they look at life and seeing them learn what is important.
Wow, 50 next year. I don't feel it, but it does stun me to approach that milestone.
You will be ready when the time is right to let some lucky girl into your heart.
Thanks Mickey! LOL You know, some of the opposite sex can stay where they are! LOL I'm not into the psyco thing! We will see what happens! I tried to P.M. you, but your box is full. Let me know when you can recieve P.M.'s.
Yes I was most gracious and appreciative. He said he knew that I would appreciate the gesture. He mailed money to us each week for about a month. He then started wanting to drop it off. He wanted to continue the cake-eating even tho he was engaged at the time. I did not know of his engagement until afterward. I wasn't going to see him.
My stitch is different. We were engaged and in counseling to prepare for marriage when he met ow. I had to approach it differently than you should your situation.
Your faith will get you through this. I so appreciated the dream that you had about the out of control bus. Keep praying, Dear One.
