Cincy, he's angry b/c (in his thinking) ~I caused him to fall out of love w/me b/c I didn't love him ~I ruined his M, and am forcing him to do something he swore would never happen: D me ~I am the reason he will be living apart from his kids at least 50% of the time - but mostly ~I will be taking $ out of his pocket that I don't deserve (b/c of the aforementioned Bad Acts), and not only that, but ~I have failed & refused to keep to our "original agreement" that, when D started K, I would "go back to work" so we could afford - whatever he has been thinking of. In his mind, despite my saying otherwise for at least the past 3 yrs, that meant going back to a FT legal sec'y position. He has in his mind that I could earn X amount and now, if I'm not doing that & earning my 'potential', HE will have to pay me more than he 'should' or whta I actually deserve (again, going back to the aforementioned Failings of Mine). I am taking money out of his own pocket (or, as he says, out of the mouths of his children) In his mind, it's all about the Money, when in actuality (according ot both my own C & DB Coach Laurie), he HAS TO make it all about the money to support his Position (that I'm Evil & hate-worthy & that he has no choice but to D one such as I) so as not to allow any thoughts of, possibly, HIS own failings or unwise or unworthy actions pre- or post-Bomb.
Yeah, that's a bit of venting, but mostly accurate. I'm tired of thinking - and there's thunderstorm starting - so I'll be off for a while. Will check in later tonight.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Me: 45 - WAH: 36 S8; D6 M: 11 yrs 07/06 Initial Bomb 10/06; D Bomb 11/06 - DBing begun 1/5/07 - H moved out 03/16/07 To date: No papers filed; H not seen a L; trying to convince me to MUTUALLY file for D
I talked about that same topic with C today...how long to keep going with this... And for me, it still comes down to two major things;
1) My kids deserve both of us, anytime they want/need us, forever... (H will talk about how he can't bear the thought of not being with them; i can't bear the thought of them not being able to be with us). This is a primary motivating factor at this point;
2) Deep, deep down there is so much good, so much of our life and our story together that it's worth not giving up...
So for now, I'm still in there pitching... and i gather so are you.
Nothing deep; just wanted to give you a (( )) and say, hang in there...
L-- That is EXACTLY what I am holding onto at this point!! Well said. J, good vent. Sometimes it helps to write it out again; makes our subconscious stop beating ourselves up.
You are the Queen Receiver of the Alien Spew. Probably not a title you ever wanted, but oh well. I think Nomopo is right in that this reaction should have been expected. You come to him asking how you can help, he comes back with every spewish reason you have caused all the trouble here. I am sorry you have to deal with this so often. You are a saint for not taking a frying pan to his head.
As for why you don't give up, I ask myself that a lot in my own sitch. But here is the thing for me-- I don't ever want to look back on this and be able to say that I didn't do everything I could have done to keep this marriage from ending. If I get so angry and hurt that I decide to file, then I didn't do everything I could have done. If I give into all of my hurt, angry emotions and lash out at H everytime I interact with him, then I didn't do everything I could have done. I am going to have to live with myself for the rest of my life and my kids are always going to be my kids. I wouldn't want to live with the guilt that I didn't do everything possible to keep my kids' family together.
Just 'cause you might need and extra one....(((still)))
Yup, H's a Spewer of the First Order. It's actually (in an out-of-body kind of way) kind of interesting to hear what kind of garbage will come out of him next. Amazing. But - weirdly - yeah, predictable and - OMG! - understandable. (Did I just SAY that????)
Just as I think (now) that he's give up on our M; he won't try to fix it; won't look at his own actions/inactions as possibly wrong choices; and I don't believe *much* of wht he says (And, yeah, I know the term is "Nothing" H says, but I'm thinking there's some grains of truth or, better word?, honesty in that Spew) -- H, for longer than I know, felt I had given up on our M; I wouldn't try to fix [what he was telling me was wrong w/me]; I wouldn't look at my own actions/inactions, only pointing back at HIS; and he now KNOWS me as a liar (that whole "going back to work when D starts K" thing). . .So, yeah, understandable -- but still cr@ppy.
THANKS SO MUCH for all the {{{Hugs}}} and kind words. Y'all mean so much to me - and my sanity. Kat, your post was right-on exactly right! Thank you. And Sunny, I'm sending {{hugs}} back at ya. I'm sorry you're down in the dregs w/me right now. But ya know? As much as we are reeling from our H's anger & self-rigteous spew, the acid doesn't just affect us - & our H's must be - they've GOT to be - getting eaten alive by it themselves. I can hold out; can H?
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Me: 45 - WAH: 36 S8; D6 M: 11 yrs 07/06 Initial Bomb 10/06; D Bomb 11/06 - DBing begun 1/5/07 - H moved out 03/16/07 To date: No papers filed; H not seen a L; trying to convince me to MUTUALLY file for D
