HS - that makes a LOT of sense...and I'm trying to get myself there. Thank you!
Rob - not a chance buddy. I'm fully aware that I'm comparing apples and oranges. I totally understand that. Right now, I guess my take is that saving my M really is no longer an option. SHE has made that decision for me. This is about me accepting that and moving forward with my life. A life that isn't nearly as scary as I thought it was prior to Saturday.
Obviously, I'm still a married man and I have an obligation...if to nobody but my kids...to work on my M if that opportunity presents itself. Not sure if it would ever work between us...but I would at least have to try.
So...I talked to my "friend" last night and filled her in with what was going on with me. It went really well. We talked for almost 2 hours. Having gone through this herself....she was able to give me some good insight, etc. Just a really good conversation.
Here's the thing that struck me. Something I forgot about her. She tends to come across as a bit of a ditz...however, she is very intelligent. Well...the ditz thing is kind of a card she plays for some reason. Not sure why. Well I forgot that she can drop that and actually have a really meaningful, intelligent conversation when she wants to. Well she did that last night.
Haven't REALLY known her for 20 years...so I forgot this part of her and it just kind of surprised me I guess. All the more reason to take this super slow.
Talked to the W briefly this morning about logistics, etc. No biggie. She reminded me that our D's dance recital is this Thursday...that was the night she was trying to schedule a meeting with the mediator...never heard back on that but I guess that won't work.
Something I forgot about her. She tends to come across as a bit of a ditz...however, she is very intelligent.
.... because things are ALWAYS not as they appear to be...
My D6's dance recital is this weekend too. I am so looking forward to it. I am sure your D will look beautiful and it will pull at your heart strings as you watch your little girl grow up a bit more. enjoy.
Me: 41 H: 42 Married: 13Y, together 24 Kids: S11, S9, D6 Bomb: 7/11/06, now piecing
Hey Eddy. I'm glad you had a good convo with your friend. Sounds like she is looking even more attractive to you? Is that why you say....
Quote:
All the more reason to take this super slow.
??
I think you should use all the reasons you can to remind you to take this super slow. I think it's great that you are opening yourself to friendships with the opposite sex. I think it can be very healthy. Just be careful and know your plan, so that you know your boundaries and you can reach your goals.
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
Thanks F21. Yeah...she is. And I'm kind of wrestling with this a bit. I think there is no mistaking that I'm attracted to her and I have little doubt that she is attracted to me. She sent me an email yesterday (before our talk and a big part of why I had the talk) saying that she was envios of my W and that my W was very lucky. And there have been a lot of those types of comments. So...I felt it necessary to let her know what was going on...although she probably had already guessed that something was up.
I made it very clear that if my W wanted to work on the M, that depending on where I was, that I would probably at least try and work things out with her. I still feel obligated to "try" I guess. So as long as she understands that going into this...and as long as I don't move any faster than I am comfortable with...I think we'll be ok.
But you are also talking to a guy who was just...uhhh..."re-born"...so that temptation to move more quickly is...well..there. Gotta think with the big head is all.
Ok Swashy, here we go. It is extremely important that you recognize what this is. You layed this out there as a friend that you were hanging out with and I believe that's what you had in mind....sort of. I believe that you may have needed to see if you could be around a female with "interests" in you and be comfortable with it.
Now you need to figure that out. I think it's great you called her and filled her in on your sitch. She needs to know 100% of where you are at because after the fiasco that you both have been through itr is imperative that honesty and being up front be a huge part for the two of you even if it does end up just being a friendship.
So what did you feel Scott, that's what I imagine all these folks want to know. Was there any spark? Any romance? Any warm and fuzzy feelings in your loins? I am not asking this way just to get a laugh, I want to hear all of it, just as all these folks do. I understand she's just a friend, but reality is that when you have been without the attention of a woman because your wife is so damned closed off for as long as she has been. Feelings occur my friend.
I am not saying you would pursue that or even are looking for that, but it is ok to have those feelings after so long. Hell it may even help you to figure out your wife, I mean really, can she even be that woman and give you those feelings, not today, thats for sure.
Bottom line Swashy, you deserve to have love, you deserve to be desired, and you deserve a female friend. Your wife is none of those right now, she's just the mother of your children and nothing more. Her choice, not yours, but it is reality. She's shut herself off to you and you don't deserve it.
Just my thoughts buddy.... I have a semi just thinking about what a great time you had........
You post on my thread so often and I am not very good at being recipical. When I read your current posts I am at the same time envious and yet glad I am not in it. For me right now I know that I could not deal with it, well at least correctly. My first impulse would be full steam ahead.
I am by no way trying to tell you what to do here, all I am suggesting is to be careful bud. None of us need to make things more confusing than they all ready are. Take care
Thanks NDDT. Yup...it's a pretty slippery slope that I have stepped out onto. And I'm barely on it really. But I guess I kind of felt like it was a slope I need to step out onto to some degree. My W has made it clear that she wants a D. She no longer wants me as her H. I then need to make decisions based on that information. Do I need to date someone..No However, if I want to date someone...I don't think not doing it because I want to hold on to my M is a solid reason anymore. I feel like that is just living in denial.
Ian...my friend...thank you for getting to the heart of it for me. Was there a spark? You bet! Romance? Not sure I'd define it that way. Warm and fuzzy in the nether region???....dude...I haven't had sex in a year and I'm dancing with two hot women...plenty of that my friend.
Can my W ever be that person? No idea man. I used to be fairly sure she could...even though she hasn't for so many years. I guess that as long as we are opposite sides of this...we really can't be comfortable with each other. And that is sad. I feel like if she wanted the M...we could be comfortable and happy with one another...or if I give up on the M...then maybe we can be that way too. Unfortunately is the latter that is happening.
She has shut herself off to me..no doubt about it. Did I deserve it? Maybe I did actually. But once everything was brought to light...I also deserved to have that wall come down and given a 2nd chance...but she refused to let that happen.
And you know what...I am tired of being alone. Our M has been going down hill for at least 7 years. We've both been lonely. She started doing what I'm doing now about 3-5 years ago. So she has had someone. I marched on alone. When it all came to light, I continued to fight and be alone. She ran away..and ran back to him. She has now made it clear she doesn't want me as her H...how much longer do I have to be alone?
