Dazed and confused

[Iamworththetime]

One other thing that happened last night was, that I told her that My dad probably wouldn't be able to make it to Concan (where we're going on vacation) until Friday or Saturday (he's a VP of a oil/gas drilling co, and is also a workaholic) because of his work, and she said "that's just an excuse", I didn't say anything right away, but about 2 minutes later " well, it's just that they've been having some problems with their rigs and he doesn't want to be up there where there is no cell service in case something happens", and she said "oh", I think she was baiting me into an arguement, but I didn't bite.

I feel like I have two people stacked against me, one is her recently divorced forend, and the other is my soon to be ex-sis-inlaw, my wife is really good friends with her and I know my wife talks to her daily and she doesn't exactly like my family right now. How some people could get off to destroying someones family, I'll never know.

[Iamworththetime]

excuse my typing.

[delia]

I'm all with the previous poster. It's MAY be harder than hell to DB on your vacation, but there's also the possibility that you could really shine, in your W's eyes. There's even a slim possibility that you might even enjoy yourself. I say go for it.

If any setbacks occur, as they will, just slide right past them.

Delia

[delia]

Whoops! Skipped about five pages. I meant Nikki.

It's hard not to feel ganged up against in these situations. There'll always be irresponsible people (the politest term I can think of) preaching clean slates and freedom and recaptured youth. In your W's sitch, she'll be actively seeking reaffirmation. Your job is still just to plant the doubts, and I think you're doing well, holding up well after the set-back of the ring off. You can get past that. Seems like rings come off with great regularity on the threads on this board. And a ring off is an obvious needling of your feelings. It may well not express what I expect is the true state of confusion of your W's feelings. Likely what she is feeling toward you is all in a muddle, and so complicated that even she can't plumb the depths of it.

Was I right in reading that she used the little girl voice. Good sign, I'd say.

Hugs

Delia

[ItsKat]

Sounds like you are doing really well, Dustin!

[Iamworththetime]

Was I right in reading that she used the little girl voice.

Yes, she used it. About the ring, I have pretended that I have not noticed, or rather I haven't said anything about it, most likely I shouldn't, right?

[Iamworththetime]

I'm just so afraid that she'll take my actions as meaning that I approve of everything, and as you all know, I don't. She hasn't seen an atty, as far as I know.

[Nomopo]

Yeah, I regretted that as soon as I said it, but it was to late to do anything about it, so I just told her goodbye and left it at that.

It wasn't a biggie. Just wanted to make sure you realized it.

I think she was baiting me into an arguement, but I didn't bite.

Well done! It wouldn't advance your goals.

I feel like I have two people stacked against me

Could be, but you can't control it, so you can't think about it or worry about it. I doubt they are focused on causing a divorce. Just trying to support your W, even if misguided. As she starts to turn, they'll change their tune (if it's anti-you or anti-M now, and it may not be).

About the ring, I have pretended that I have not noticed, or rather I haven't said anything about it, most likely I shouldn't, right?

There is NOTHING to be gained by bringing it up, but it could hurt your chances. Never bring it up, and make your W putting it back on one of your long-term goals. When you see that, then you will know you're moving in the right direction.

I'm just so afraid that she'll take my actions as meaning that I approve of everything, and as you all know, I don't.

She won't. You told her before that you don't want a S or a D, right? You told her you loved her, and that you want to work on things, right? She knows. And even if she did think that, at some point she will say or do something that will obviously give you a chance to calmly state that you do not want to get a S or a D, and you are willing to work on things.

She hasn't seen an atty, as far as I know.

Good, but if she does, don't worry about it. You can't control that.

You're doing good,
Nomopo

[Iamworththetime]

Something interesting just happened, but forst let me set up the story.

My W and kids got home around 6:30 pm this evening and thing were going pretty well forst hing I notcied was HER RING WAS BACK ON! We ate supper and I cleaned up the dishes and my W started baking stuff to take on our trip. Well, I had to go outside to my shop and get stuff for us to take as well, and when I came back in about 30 minutes later she was on the phone with someone and started talking very quietly when I came in and then said "I'll call you back" and hung up. OF course all sorts of crazy things started going through my mind, like an OM, but I kept my cool and pretended that I didn't hear her. I asked her if some friends of ours had gotten back from their trip to Cabo San Lucas, and she said "yes, that's who I was talking to, my anxiety eased up a bit until just like in the movies the phone rang and lo and behold it was the person she said she had been talking to (she lied ), well, the anxiety returned, but I still kept my cool and said nor did anything, just played it off and watched a little tv with my girls.

Well, I put the kids to bed and she comes in later and tells them good night, and then it's just us. I go into the bedroom and start packing my clothes for our trip and I ask her if there is anything else we need to do, and she says" I was going to do the rest in the morning" I said ok. She continues kind of standing there looking at me like she's afraid to tell me something and man did my heart start pounding, she asks me "do you mind if I go out for a bit and have some drinks? Now this is a big deal to me that she ASKED me if it was okay because last week when she dropped the bomb she had told me that if she wanted to go out she'll just get in her #@!*%$ car and go, she doesn't NEED my permssion. I said "I didn't think I had a choice", and she said "well" and that was it, then I asked her who she was talking to and she tells me "Christine" ( they apparently were discussing going out) I then said, " you didn't have to lie to me, and she says " I know hate Christine".

Now, my mind is going a billion miles an hour and I said " I don't hate Christine, in fact I want to like her, I think she's a nice person. She thne says " I won't stay out late" and I calmy told her "Go, have fun, I'm okay with it, really, have fun. She goes into the bedroom and then turns around and comes back into ther kitchen and says " I didn't have time to find a therapist, I've been running my butt off", and I said " I know, it's okay". she then goes to get ready to gout out, and about thirty minutes later she comes out and man did she look good, and she tells me "goodbye", which to me is a big deal because when went through this 3 years ago she would just leave and not say anything, I told he "becareful driving home and that was that. I'm hoping this is a good thing and I'm not reading to much into it but just last week she was really, really certian that we had no future and that she would do what she wanted when she wanted.


I apologize for the atrocious typing, I am very excited about this and I was typing fast.

[Iamworththetime]

She came home, and told me she was sorry for being so late, and then she went to sleep in our youngest daughters room, not the end I had anticipated, but I think it might be progress.