Ugh....so my D6 was in my room about an hour ago crying. Upset because mommy wasn't home. Upset because she doesn't get to see her as much as she gets to see me. Upset because "you and mommy don't get to see each other much and that's not fair". My D6 wanted to be a Nurse just like her mommy...well tonight she told me that she didn't anymore because that means she won't get to be with her family and that's not fair to them.
I know my W thinks the kids are resiliant and she has convinced herself that the kids will be better off, etc. Sucks. The boys seem ok...they seem to be rolling with it pretty well. D is always concerned about who is where. When one of us comes home or one of us leaves she overly showers us with attention. I told her tonight that if she ever had questions or if she was ever sad or anything that she needs to talk to me about it. She said "yeah, but you're not always here". So I said...well then you need to talk to mommy. I can't protect my W from it and my D should be able to talk to her mother about it.
She is such a great little girl and this is just ripping her apart inside. Fing sucks.
Are the kids going to counseling at all? Maybe would be good to be proactive and get them someone to talk to about all of this and to learn some coping mechanisms for it? I have no idea...just a thought.
The kids are going to be okay though. I just know they will be. As long as you love them and have a great relationship with them and a positive relationship with their mom, they are going to come out of this okay.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
Thanks Dana. No, no C for them..but maybe not a bad idea. I called new C for me today. She called me back but I missed her. Maybe I will talk to her about that or about getting them through this when I do finally get in with her.
I know that this will fall on me because my W can't deal with the fact that this does effect them. She called me a couple weeks ago all upset because my parents said something to her about it. "That's just the way she is. It has nothing to do with it". Ok...
So...I'll do my best. I know in the end, they will all be ok. They are not the first kids to have to deal with this.
Please know I wasn't trying to oversimplify it either. This is a HUGE thing and it will be hard for them and a big adjustment and it needs to be thought about, planned, and worked on. But I know you as their dad will do that.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
Hey S2H... Sorry to hear about D6. She and my D are the same age and I worry about her. One thing that has helped my D6 is talking to another child her age whose parents are D'd. They were just shooting the breeze by themselves and it came it so it was pretty surreal, but she seems much better. I also know that my D4 has a hard time letting me out of her sight now, so I try to let her know what I'm doing if I'm going out of eyesight for even a minute. Don't want her to feel any more abandoned than she kind of does.
That all said, I am amazed at how well my kids are adapting. Sure we are going to have tough times. Sure it is hard and rips at my heart strings. But I just keep reminding them I have unconditional love for them and that the invisible string between our hearts has been there since they were conceived and will never break. Kids are amazing. But they do need to see parents who are ok with the sitch. They are taking clues from us. So although it can kill me sometimes, I make a point of being overly excited for their times w/ H.
Ok... just realized I'm rambling. Hope something here helped, if nothing else that I feel your pain. Have a great weekend and keep enjoying yourself!
Not at all hun. Didn't take it that way. But I probably have not been on top of it as much as I should have been. But now that she has really come to me about it...you better believe I will.
Thanks Jules! Very good advice as always. You really are an incredible mother. A C I talked to over the phone once back in the fall said that D6 would be the one to have the hardest time with it..middle child, female, etc.
The boys seem to be doing pretty well. I do ask them once in a while if they have any questions about anything that is going on, etc. But they usually don't...seem to be rolling with it pretty well.
Still hard for me to believe that my kids are going to "come from a broken family". Just blows my mind. Can't control that but I sure as hell can control being there for them.
Swashy, thanks for popping over to my thread. Sorry to hear about where things have gone, but you are very fortunate to have learned the lessons along the way. You are definitely a great dad and person, keep at it brother.
Yeah HS...I hear ya. Nope...not something that I wanted my kids to go through obviously. That said, I also didn't want them going through life with a mother the way she was...so incredibly depressed. She does seem to be doing a better job, so that is the good. I just wished that she could be happy WITH me...that is what would have been best for the kids. Unfortunately she never chose to really try that avenue. That's is why I get upset when I think about not going to MC or anything...if not for me or our M...then for our kids!
