Running around a lot today but wanted to put up a quick post. I feel great today! W, kids and I went to Ikea to grab the boys a bunk bed for the W's house. Then I had to get D6 to a birthday party. Then I went and set up the bunk bed and did some other loose end stuff. Brought her one of our grills, tv, etc. I think the kids are going to spend their first night there tonight.
What a difference a couple of weeks can make. Two weeks ago, I walked in there and left in tears. Today - no problem at all. I just really feel like I am truly starting to move on with my life. I'm happy that she has her little corner of the world over there for herself and the kids. It feels good. I'm excited to get to my place.
I guess...I'm just starting to realize that the way she is right now with her lies, cheating, etc....I really do not want to be with her. I do love her and I know that good person that I married is in there somewhere....but until she comes out again...I just have not interest in being with her. I mean I like to be around her, be friendly, etc...but I finally get it...I really do deserve better. I deserve to be with someone I can trust fully and with someone who doesn't hurt me. And I'm not bitter at all. And I know that seems weird...but I'm not. It's just like - ok go live your life, if you need me, let me know - I'll help you in any way I can...all is good.
I don't know...know I'm rambling...have a lot to do so I'll come back later and clean this up some more...but all is good in the world of swashy.
Just called my "friend's" friend...left her a message. Looking forward to getting out and having some fun tonight. Fishing in the AM. heehheee.
You know waht else...I feel like I am finally being ME around her....because I AM moving on. I feel like we're not really on the opposite sides of the fence anymore...that tension isn't there for me. It was Memphis Scottie today....almost. Not as wild...but happy and fun. AND IT FELT GREAT! YAY ME!
Thanks Guys! Trip - "coming from me"??? What gives girl? I hope you realize how much I appreciate and respect your advice...seriously.
Speed...yup, feels pretty good. I fully realize, that I'll have my ups and downs during this ride..but today was an up. Feels good to be letting go and focusing on me, etc. And I do still love her with all my heart and I am sure I always will on some level...but at some point, you begin to realize you deserve better than that. Is the female attention I have been paid? Maybe a bit. That has certainly helped my confidence. Not sure...but whatever it is...I feel good.
And on that note...she had to cancel...she warned me that she might...so no biggie. Asked for a raincheck. She went out and bought one of those new VW Eos today...sweeeet. Maybe we can take a ride with the top down some day.
Anywhoooo...at my buddy's getting up early and going fishing. Delia - going ocean fishing out of a small town south of Boston. We fish for Stripers. Starting to slow down..but the spring was good....so I hear...haven't done nearly enough.
Oh yeah..ran over and brought some stuff to the new place. Felt good to be in there walking around. I pulled up and just felt a sense of peace.
Swashy, sounds like you are doing well. I haven't had time to check in for a while, sorry abouth that, things are still pretty busy here. Keep up the good work!!!
Swashy, Sounds like your doing good. I'm glad to hear that. You never know what the future holds. As far as Striper fishing goes, I hope you catch a monster, you deserve it. I live not far from the Chesepeke and have a 17' boat that I take down there sometimes to fish for flounder or croaker. Good luck! Matt
Hey Krylos - thanks for checking in. You sound good too buddy.
Thanks Matt. I could use a nice keeper tomorrow. That would make my day. I had a 19' CC that I had to sell this fall...broke my heart. But in the end...it is just a boat.
Just a note to all the newcommer's. I know what I'm writing may be confusing to some of you and may not be what you are looking for. Please realize that i've been at this for almost a year now and things have progressivly gotten worse and worse as far as my M is concerned. BUT...I have really managed to save myslef in this process. I am such a different and better person that I was a year ago. So I could imagine that a lot of newcommer's may come to my thread now and say...jeesh that is sad. Don't. I am a success story.
Swashy, I think you are a success story also. If you are happy and a better person, what more can you ask for. Sometimes I wonder why I hang on...but I do love my W and I don't really think she knows what she wants right now. She said that she has to be happy with herself first. I'm in no hurry to do anything so will see what the future holds. The pain of those initial words ILYBINILWY has lessened a little. I hold out hope but I know I would be okay without her. It just seems like it would be 14 years down the drain sometimes. I'd do it again though because I got 3 graet kids out of it! I guess I would sell my boat also if we decide to split. Do you like basesball? Boston Fan? I can't stand Boston or New York! I like the Orioles.....well that is another depressing story
