Thats pretty good, but how come you could not get that Depeche Mode song about a month ago?
NDDT,
Been reading your thread and can tell you that Swashy's advice is right on the money. He is an intelligent and intuitive guy.
I have been Ded for almost 1.5 years now and asked/did pretty much all the same things you are or have done. All the feelings and emotions you have gone through and will go through, I have seen.
My advice to you, and all the others, is to move forward with YOUR life. Stop thinking and asking about what will he/she do or think if I do x, y , or z. Like the NIKE commercial says "just do it". Get used to thinking and doing for yourself. Actins "as if" is all well and good, but for it to work it must become second nature. Same goes for going dark and whatever else the DB/DR books espouse. Learn to "stop missing" your XW and if things dont work out I can tell you life will get better. I never thought I would be where I am today, but I am here and every day my life gets a little better.
Bottom line is only, and this is a rough guess, only 10% of us will get together with out XW or XH. I am not one of that small minority nor do I want to be now. Good luck to and listen to the great advice you ae getting. Ciao!
One of the most powerful passages i know. If you can identify the source well then that tells you something about me.....
"Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no peace until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. ........... unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."
I had a nap this afternoon with some not so good dreams. Basically in my dream "she" was telling me on the phone that she is getting her own apartment. I believe the root of the dream is in something my kid said earlier today, about how her and mom are going to take the cats when the get there new place......... I believe that this is actually a precurser to what is to come.
Was doing some thinking today about the statement "Get A Life" GAL Something about this statement always did bother me a bit. It is probably just a matter of semantics here. But I remember when I was a kid, if you told someone to "Get A Life" it was meant as and taken as an insult.
Before my situation evolved I had a life. Maybe not the life I was exactly happy with, but a life none the less.
But what I really think when "Get A Life" is said on here and with this program, what it really means is "Get On With Life". Meaning, just because we find our self in these not so pleasant situations we are in. To not just spin our wheels. I know especially in the beggining of all of this, it is almost a natural response to be almost like in a frozen state. Dont know what to do. Oh my God, what can I do. In some cases almost falling to the floor in a fetal position and wailing. <----- I suggest that if the need is there to do that, well then do it and get it out of your system, then pick yourself up and dust yourself off.
But to Get On With Life is to take a "real" assesment of where you now find yourself, and start to figure out what you are going to do next. To find your direction, figure out your goals. To live. To accept this situation for what it is (see previous post). To live. To become a function person at first then envolving into whatever you decide to be. TO LIVE!!.......the best life you possible can!
I mean for how long do you really want to lay on that floor and wail "She (he) left me!!!!!" "Whoa is me" Change is constant, find a way to deal with it. Honestly do you really have any other choice? Live or stay stuck.......I want to live! No matter what life throws at me, I want to make the best life I can. I WANT TO LIVE!!!!
As I typed these words I almost felt as if they were coming from...how to explain.....more than me. Just typing this has helped me alot, and if it even helps one of you then benefits are magnified!!
Yeah GOWL Get On With Life ........... I like it!!!
B42, M15yrs, T16, No Kids 8-06: Buying house 8-8: Bomb 8-16: Served 9-11: D final 9-28: She moved out 12-3: PA-her 9-26-07: Last time I saw her. My sitch.
NDDT, Excellent and VERY powerful stuff! Sometimes just writing it out clarifies & makes the words more TRUE or REAL, huh? Great for you. GOWL!
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Me: 45 - WAH: 36 S8; D6 M: 11 yrs 07/06 Initial Bomb 10/06; D Bomb 11/06 - DBing begun 1/5/07 - H moved out 03/16/07 To date: No papers filed; H not seen a L; trying to convince me to MUTUALLY file for D
Some new ideas I am kicking around. Not saying I am going to do them but just thinking about them.
#1 I have been meaning to get at a deep cleaning and organization of this house for some time now. I have mentioned this before and was advised to do it for me. For the most part that is exactly why I would do it. This will be a project that will actually take a few weeks with my schedule, (and if I manage to spend less time on here) But when I change things around I was going to do it "as if" I am to be living here by myself from now on. Sooner or later she will be by with to drop off our girl. She will notice the changes, and will ask, "What did you do with my ....fill in the blank......." And cheerfully (not smugly, but sincerely) as I can answer "Oh, I have just been stacking your stuff in the basement for now"
#2 Have someone call me when I know that she is walking in the door with our girl. I answer the phone and in a very pleasant way, "Oh hi, glad you called.... (pause) Ummmm, yeah that sounds great.... (pause) Hey, can I call you back in a little bit, I am in the middle of something...(pause) Ok I will call you back in a bit."
#3 Leave a lipstick covered cigarette butt on the first few steps of the sidewalk leading up the house. Where I know that it will be seen. If I am asked about it, have a sort of a "beats me" attitude.
Now I have asked myself the following on all three of these.
"Would it help or hurt my situation?" I still am undecided, although #3 might be pushing it too far.
"Is this being manipulative?" Hell yes it is.
"Are these actions truly letting go?" No....no they are not. But they all are trying something different. I would do all of the above to elicit a reaction from her. To make her think. To maybe jar her into realizing I am moving on.
I would certainly not do all of these on the same day. And I have been thinking of doing the first one for myself for some time now. I guess I probably would need to tread carefully on how I answer as to where I put "her" stuff.......Just thinking out loud here!
I think #1 is a great idea. You will make your house more your own, you will feel a lot better about yourself for doing it, and your W will surely notice the changes.
#2 and #3 both seem forced. You are trying to create these fake scenarios just so your W will notice changes in you. What you need to do is make the changes for real w/ yourself, so that you don't have to create these things, they will just happen anyway. I know you are looking at ways of meeting new people and making new friends, which is great. Keep up w/ that and some time when your W is dropping/picking up D, someone WILL actually happen to call when she is there. You won't have to fake it or force it that way, it will just happen on its own. Don't discount the fact that she might be able to see right through things that you are faking for her benefit.
With all that said, the thought of you putting lipstick on so you can create some cigarette butts for your sidewalk is pretty hilarious.
Well if I put on lipstick, I just might put on some pretty underthings too!!! Who knows....... this might open up a whole new world for me?? I am sure to meet some "interesting" people this way I bet!!!! LOL
