Be grateful! I wish my H OW would do something mean or screw up or something. when (one of the few times) my H has ahd a break down, heart ot heart w/ me he said there were plenty of times he wantedd to come back but knew I would not take him back. I said only when your 100% ready and completely rid of her an d no more sneaking around or else that will be your last. BUt then afer that when I ahve said I don't understand this hold she has on you why can't you jsut get up and go? He said she ahd not giving him a reason to b/c she has only been kind to him. In this past month I have put my foot down and have refused any sexual advances. It's true what the gusy say here that if you keep giving him sex then why on earth should he leave the OW when he can get it from two women? The last time (fri) he made a scene he really thought I would go for it. He has been really pushing me to have sex more and more?? I don't undertand it when he is still living w/OW?
I feel for ya! My H would really feel guilty after and the last time a month ago he said that was it no more. H broke it off with the OW for about 2 weeks because there was too much drama with me and the kids. Not becasue anything she did wrong so about 2 weeks ago they decide to try again. Then finally H caught her. Now it was his doing. I am gratefull H feels bad. H just called and said he was going over to OW house to pick up some things he left over there. She was going to be home in 1/2 hour. OW said why don't you wait at W house. OW is way jealous!! YEAH!!! I said that was fine get your stuff and then you can come over for dinner. H is really mad not becasue she cheated but because she lied to him. Whatever the case I am very pleased! Hope it all works out. I'm not getting my hopes up but it's a start and A LOT more encouraging than the past 6 mos have been. Jsut hope it keeps going. I hear ya on the sex deal. No I have not said, done or suggested any sex in at least a month. Boy does he want it now....I sure hope I have will power. Better yet he doesn't try. That would be easier. Good luck to you! S
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Chicki...it is a matter of wanting what he can't have...the cookie in the cookie jar and you are letting him have "his cookies"....maybe he will begin to yearn for you and blow it with OW...
NAP...my H kept telling me that he could/would never be able to live with me again, said we will never be together again...he said that upto about 1 month before we got back together!!!...that was over a year and a half ago...and we are doing soo much better...but like you I had to keep my mouth shut and be patient...and like you I wasn't very good at that...I have since learned and am getting better...he knows I am continuing to work on me...for me...but for the benefit of all around me...including him...and he is making some changes too...
So hold on, my Cali neighbor...who knows what will come of all this...but at least you will know you are doing the right thing...
Thanks so much for the kind words! Sometimes when my H and I talk he will say I'm not ready to come home yet..I laugh to my self and think well which is it yet or never :}. I think ke was a little shocked that I said have fun getting your stuff and I'll see you in a little while. H E doesn't mention my changes but I know he sees them. Yes, I have my new roll of duct tape and I look really good in gray! I agree. I think if you don't keep giving it to them they may miss it. I do however think that it was a good idea in the beginning to do it to keep him connected. Espec. since it was not very prominate in our relationship before. Now he is like wow what is this. So I think not doing anything for a month was a goodthing. The other weird thing is that he would never kiss me before ( while seperated). Said he didn't have that feeling anymore that is why he left. Wow did he kiss me today. Maybe there is hope?? I think h e thinks he's getting more of it tonite when he comes over for dinner. If he ever gets here! I want to call so bad butI WILL NOT. HE has a special ring on his phone when I call and I know she will hear it but not doing it!!. Take care, S
Nice to have a Cali neighbor. Poor South Lake Tahoe is burning up. 50 homes already. So sad. I'm in Sac area and it is already getting smokey.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I rarely watch TV or read the news paper...too depressing for me...I had no idea about Lake Tahoe...I know some people there...I do hope they are okay...we had our bout of fire storms a few years back...just about burned San Diego down!!! and the smoke closed our schools for a week...it was dark outside and you could barely breath...and this would be in day light...we had to keep windows closed and it was soooo hot...and we didn't have A/C!!!
I hope things continue well for you...my He doddled a bit when he started coming back...both from guilt feelings and just being plain scared...of course he also came back with some issues like drinking that I had to put my foot down about and at first I was scared to do so....my bossy attitude had been one thing that he resented (unknown to me)....but in the end he realized that I wasn't going to tolerate the abuse of drinking to our family and sought out help in quitting...so far so good on that... H wouldn't kiss me either while we were separated...and like yours I feel his OW dumped him...but it was a still a long while before he returned (which I am glad for) and a long time before he was able to clearly see it wasn't really love...now he says she is "nothing" to him and doesn't even like remembering that time (which I am glad for too)...
So don't get discouraged if he doddles a bit...just hold your course...
I know fires are so scarey. I guess 250 homes have been distroyed now and it is only 5% contained. So sad.
Well H came over after talking with OW. I guess she tried to blame him for lying to her too. Whatever. H had a lot of guilt last night. For me and D/S both 7. He didn't want them confused about him being here. I said that I have told them numerous times that just cuz daddy comes over doesn't mean he's coming back. hey now that and for now I need them to think that so they don't suffer anymore. My sitch sounds SO much like yours. He is very confused and has a lot of guilt. Good! I am just being very supportive and talking to him about it. I think/know he is a little freaked out that I am talking to him about her. I guess I am too, I really have no emotion about it. I guess so much torture I have gotten rid of it. I did cry about something last night, can't remember what and he said please don't cry you have cried enough inthe past 6 mos. I don't want you to anymore for what I've done to you. H feels a little bad about OW and what happened but talking and looking at him I can see and hear he is really confused about any emotion he has and doesn't quit know what it is and why...probably normal??? I was weak and had no self control last night and well just say good thing I'm not Paris! We'd bee all over the net! We had a great time and when he went home at 1am I text hime and said thank you for the nice time. He said back NO thank you it was great. Our sex life has been pretty boring and so if I can real him back that way, well then??? The communication lines are now open and Ijust have to keep going forward and be PATIENT and SLOW..OMG I need all the help I can get. Thank you again for all your words they really encourage me. Take care, Sally
PS I it all I can do not to call or text him today. I have picked up the phone 5 times. I won't though cuz he expects it so I have to do the unexpected to keep him on the hook.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Thanks NOMO! I think I'm going to have to use the duct tape on my hands or throw my phone in the pool! Tomorrow he is going out of town for work for 2 days. H has to come by to pick up some of his laundry HE, yes he does his own!, that wasn't finished drying last night. I just have to play it cool. I have been writing down everything I want to say so I won't call him. Then if I need or have the opportunity to talk about it I will have it all. I have the worst memory :}. Hope all is going well with you Nomo! S
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Don't force a talk. Frankly, I think anything you are writing down or want to say could wait until after his trip. If he wants to talk, listen and validate. Don't you think?
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
oh yes, I wasn't planning on talking about it with him unless he initiates it. I was just writing it down so I wouldn't call him, like I usually do. It's for future reference.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
