Dazed and confused

[Iamworththetime]

As for the attention...you may want to test the waters...but

Not sure that I understand what you mean by testing the waters. I think I'll contiuue with my course of action and slowly let her realize that we CAN talk and get along and that we do have something worth keeping. I mean, she knows how I feel about all of this and she knows I still want her, now she has to realize that she still wants me too. I don't want to try any physical contact even though I crave it, until I'm quite sure of the end result, or better yet, she initiates it. Right nbow I just need to be her friend and hopefully we can be lovers at a later date.

[Not Much Left]

Dustin R
It is amazing to me that there is someone out there with such a similar sitch.

By the way, Nomo, how do you give all this advice? Do you work? All good stuff, you just seem to be everywhere.

Dustin, I can relate with everything you have said, this is the first time I have read your stuff, but from having gone through this before to Dallas trips by your wife etc. etc., I am in a very similar sitch however I am on my 4th time. Anger issues, her being so shut off I have realized I have never, ever really known what she wants out of life (my story, maybe not yours), very attractive, mid thirties MLC? sound familiar?

Based on my experience with all of this so far and in the past, you may not be seeing the signs we all see. She is no where near as shut off as my wife has been on all 4 occasions.

So, in an effort to encourage and maybe see something myself, keep up the DBing but I guess also try to remain true to who you want to be. Remember, love is a verb/decision not a feeling. Your wife is definitely in "feeling" mode.

Are there any positive outside influences?

[Iamworththetime]

Are there any positive outside influences?

We have friends that love us both and of course don't want to see us split up, so I'm hoping that they are helping instead of hindering but I haven't talked to them because I don't want to appear to be manipulating the situation. I also know that my wife sees that her single friends life isn't what it's all cracked up to be, with stuff like her finding out that her middle daughter is bulemic, and also that a guy that she had been seeing and was in love with had also been seeing someone else, because she has mentioned it to me before. All I can do is hope and pray and continue Dbing and hope she sees that fact that breaking up our family isn't the way to go.

[Iamworththetime]

I also know that I shouldn't focus on her wedding ring, but it just seems odd to me that a woman that has told me that she is "done", and that she doesn't love me anymore, would continue to wear it, last time she took it off immediatley and had it off the entire time we were split.

[ItsKat]

Do her parents know about the sitch --or whoever the Grandma and Grandpa are that she was dropping the kids off at this morning? If they don't know (or even if they do) she might be wearing the ring for show because she was going to be seeing them. For a couple of months, my H never wore his ring around me, but whenever he was around family, it magically came back on. Now he is finally bold enough not to wear it at all, hasn't for months. I don't mean to be a downer to you about the ring--there could very well be other good reasons that she is wearing it. But you are doing the right thing in being realistic about it.

[Iamworththetime]

Do her parents know about the sitch --or whoever the Grandma and Grandpa are that she was dropping the kids off at this morning?

As far as I know, they don't know, so you may be right about that, but I do know that she has to take it off at work and sometimes forgets to put it back on and her parents have seen her with it off before. I may be just grasping at straws but I'm going to keep monitering the sitch and see what happens.

[Iamworththetime]

delia delia
Member


Registered: 04/30/07
Posts: 138 Dustin--

Your W's swings of mood suggest somebody experiencing some level of depression. By tomorrow, her mood may well have changed.

When she dropped the bomd two weeks ago, she mentioned that she thought she was depressed because she didn't have any energy and she wanted to sleep all of the time, it was at that time that I suggested counciling, and it may backfire on me, but I'm hoping it will help our sitch. If it doesn't, at least she may be herself again and be alright.

[swashy]

I suggested counciling, and it may backfire on me, but I'm hoping it will help our sitch. If it doesn't, at least she may be herself again and be alright.

Dustin, you'll never be happy together if she can't be happy with herself first. Getting her help is a must regardless.

[Iamworththetime]

Dustin, you'll never be happy together if she can't be happy with herself first. Getting her help is a must regardless.

Thanks swashy, and I really hope it helps her, and not just for us. But I do carry a lot of guilt in know that I'm the one that caused her to be this way, I am going to go to counciling for me too.

[Nomopo]

Man, this is a fast moving thread. Whew! But you're getting lots of good advice. Manage those emotions, expect the ups and downs, and BE PATIENT. If you had to estimate how long this is going to take, how long would you say? When I started thinking in terms of months, it really helped my patience. I've been telling myself 6-7 months of hard core DBing, then some serious evaluation of where things stand. Of course, I honestly can't predict what will happen then, but I take each day and try to take each "event" while keeping in mind this is going to take at least 6-7 months. It helps me.