Dazed and confused

[Iamworththetime]

I want to let yall know that you are really helping me, I was a big ball of anxiety about three hours ago, and now I'm somewhat more calm.

[Iamworththetime]

I guess I'll go home tomorrow morning and help her get the kids ready and act as if nothing happened.

[Iamworththetime]

One other question, I had mentioned to her about my family reunion this weekend and us going up and Frday and coming back Saturday evening, she seemed ok with it until I mentioned the maid, and then she totally did a 180 on the family reunion. My question is, should I go ahead and go and take the kids, or should I ask her again about it on Thursday?

[delia]

Dang! Floating on the Frio--love that river.

I've just re-read your whole thread, Dustin, and somehow I'm getting the feeling that your wife wants to be found attractive, to be desired, and to re-capture romance. Just a guess. I don't suppose anyone can really know. But there are all sorts of little things going on: the attention-getting tactic of the ring on, ring off; all the mentions of the two of you never talking (and I'm guessing she's not counting the conversations about the Frontline flea killer); the baby voice; the hand on your shoulder: her deferring to you for approval to do this or that.

The problem with your actually attempting to show her some romance, is the likelihood that she will prickle up like a porcupine, and whack you with a tail full of quills.

I'm not sure whether it is proper DB or not to cautiously show some very clear appreciation--and I do think that you must tread carefully. This is a time when it may be helpful for you to seek a good counselor, if you haven't already, somebody to advise you step by step.

The point brought up by Slowly, that you will look good to W if you look good to others, is excellent.

Anyhow, I may be totally wrong about her "acting out" to get your attention. She may be more serious about D than she seems. Certainly, she could BECOME more serious about it.

I'm glad you're feeling a little better. Since you've been through this before, you know there can be bad downs.

Wishing you the best

Delia

[Iamworththetime]

Thanks Delia, I don't think you're worng, at least I hope not. My W is a very attractive woman and although I try and let her know this, maybe I'm not doing it enough. I've got to figure out a way to let her know how attractive she is to me without her thinking it's fake, she's very skeptical of me right now, and God knows I DO find her very attractive, always have and always will. I know that when we or she goes out that guys are checking her out because I've caught them doing so although I never said anything about the fact.

[Iamworththetime]

I've been thinking that as far as GAL, I will start playing golf again, I really enjoyed it when I did play.

[cliffy]

Compliments are always good, showing your appreciation is good. Don't over do! It will definitely appear fake. If she is seeking attention from you give it to her, same thing with space. If she wants space, give it to her.
Pay attention to what works and what doesn't.
As far as golf, good GAL activity.

[Iamworththetime]

Thank cliffy.

[Iamworththetime]

After last nights phone conversation with my W, I was kind of nervous about coming home this morning. I told myself over and over on the ride home that I would not bring up the conversation and that I would be upbeat and positive (kind of hard when your tired as all get out) and if I could I would make small talk.

Well, I got home and did just what I said I would, I came into the house and peered into our bedroom and saw that the bathroom light was on, and then I looked at our bed (our girls sometimes sleep with my W when I'm on nights) to see if they were still in it, and my wife was leaning over the bed kissing my oldest and telling her it was time to get up. I told her "good morning" ansd she responded the same and then I walked up to the bed and asked her if they needed to be dressed, (since they were going over to grandma and pop-pops house before vacation bible school wich doesn't start 'til 08:30 I thought they might stay in there pjs) and she said yes, and then handed me my youngests clothes. As she was getting my oldest dressed I noticed that she was wearing her RING! I didn't do or say anyting to indicate that I saw, we then took them into the bathroom so she could fix their hair and they could brush their teeth and after that I took them to her car while she made a lunch for the oldest.
I stayed outside with the girls for a bit because I wanted to spend a little time with them and then after about 5 minutes I went back inside and I made a little small talk with her, nothing earth shattering, just about where the kids were going to go swim on "water day" at VBS and then I asked her if she saw a note I had left her telling her that a local jeweler had called to tell her that a piece she had being repaired was ready. As she walked out the door to go to work she told me goodbye and I said it as well. Not real big, but seems a little positive, and I was quite happy with the way I handled myself.

In a way, I was kind of hoping she would be gone by the time I got home so I would have a chance to mess up anything further, but now I'm glad that she was.

[swashy]

Dustin - glad you had a good morning. As for the attention...you may want to test the waters...but be careful with it too. If she doesn't want to respond it may just make her feel guilty. Not good.