Dazed and confused

[Trip]

most say depression is anger turned inside. So that very well could be. There are so many factors as to why someone wants out of a marriage and I think you are really get to the meat of your problems now. This is good. Knowledge is power.

[Iamworththetime]

Thanks Trip, I just hoe she wants us to continue after her therapy. This site has made me skeptical of some therapist.

[Trip]

can you find what kind of therapist she will be seeing?

[Iamworththetime]

All it says in the phone book is the womans name and then acronyms like "LMSW-ACP", "LPC", AND "LMFT", and then the statement " The process of reclaiming yourself".

[Trip]

Now there's a mouthful.

I am off to bed so catch up with you later.

You should do the same if you can. Rest is good when you are stressed. Tell yourself to worry about it tomorrow.

[Iamworththetime]

I'm at work, so no rest until 07:00, goodnight.

[Iamworththetime]

This morning after my W left, I started looking for my copy of 5LL, I found it in her night stand, along with a book called "A Marriage without regrets and it had a bookmark in it that was a brochure form Kemah,Tx, which we visited back in March. I don't know if she's been reading it or not, but I hope so. Oh, and I wasn't snooping, I really was looking for my book.

[Trip]

Well, obviously she is concerned and is thinking. Very good for you and the marriage. Definitely see what her C appointment brings.
I can't remember is she on any AD's? If not, and she does get on some this may be a very good thing.

Be patient, get to reading and validate her needs and wants.
At the same time do some things for you.

[Iamworththetime]

Thanks Trip. Yes, she is on an AD, "because of me". I hope that she is reading the book.

There was a thread on here last night where the poster "invisible" mentioned that his WAW was having an EA with another woman, not in a lesbian way, but this woman was recently divorced and his wife was spending a lot of time with her, which is similiar to my sitch because my wife has a co-worker that rcently divorced her husband and my wife is ALWAYS in contact with her and I mean ALWAYS. For awhile I was bl;aming her for all of our problems, although now I realize that's not the case, but I do thnk she was a catalyst.

[Nomopo]

There was a thread on here last night where the poster "invisible" mentioned that his WAW was having an EA with another woman, not in a lesbian way, but this woman was recently divorced and his wife was spending a lot of time with her, which is similiar to my sitch because my wife has a co-worker that rcently divorced her husband and my wife is ALWAYS in contact with her and I mean ALWAYS. For awhile I was bl;aming her for all of our problems, although now I realize that's not the case, but I do thnk she was a catalyst.

Thin of EAs (whether with a member of the same or opposite sex) this way. As long as the WAS is putting energy/effort into connecting with someone outside the marriage they can't put that energy/effort into the M. Or another way to think of it (probably less true with a same sex, non-gay EA), as long as the WAS spouse has "hope" outside the M (of happiness, love, fulfillment, connection, whatever), then that takes hope out of the M. Make sense?

One way to point out to someone that an EA is wrong (despite being non-sexual) is to point out that they kept it secret. If you have to hide a R from your spouse, it is wrong. With a same-sex, non gay EA, the WAS may not always feel like they have to hide. What does that mean? Is it really an EA? Is it really wrong?

Food for thought,
Nomopo