Hey I like the new thread title. It is more upbeat. I have been thinking about changing my handle. Just shorten it from the crying, pleading...."NoDontDoThis" to just NDDT which alot of you call me already......
Why don't you guys live HERE? I live in a vacation destination, and I need people to play with.
And I agree with Care: I want a wax now. Even a Brazilian!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
.... I missed part of this, but somebody said something about an enormous THING. Details, please. I've been a chaste and virtuous Victorian wife for about a billion years, so of course my ears and everything else perked right up.
I don't understand. Swashy, do you drink at work? Where does the enormous thing come into it?
somebody said something about an enormous THING. Details, please. I've been a chaste and virtuous Victorian wife for about a billion years, so of course my ears and everything else perked right up.
I don't understand. Swashy, do you drink at work? Where does the enormous thing come into it?
And away we go...
Oh, the dear sweet innocent lamb.
Someone please look after her, she knows not what she brings upon her....
MRHIGHSPEED , paging MRHIGHPSEED...
S_O_T_S aka: Stoic_On_The_Surface
I can't quite get there cause my heart's forsaken me - KT Tunstall
found out about affair 8/06 H moves out Nov/06 D final 8/07 X re marries OW 5/08 _________________________ Courage does not always roar, sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying... " I will try again tomorrow". -- Mary Anne Radmacher
hey wassss up???? Not much here. having someone work on re wiring my sprinklers right now
found out about affair 8/06 H moves out Nov/06 D final 8/07 X re marries OW 5/08 _________________________ Courage does not always roar, sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying... " I will try again tomorrow". -- Mary Anne Radmacher
ya and then he will install new garage door opener. I just had to sweet talk him into all this. Plus promise him beer and dinner.
found out about affair 8/06 H moves out Nov/06 D final 8/07 X re marries OW 5/08 _________________________ Courage does not always roar, sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying... " I will try again tomorrow". -- Mary Anne Radmacher
Yay! are you cooking or going out? I was going to use some other words there but know some here, myself included, would run with those words. Cooking is bad enough. hehehe!
Glad to see the dirction that my thread took. Sweet. Delia, yes I work for a software company and we have a beer fridge...that the company stocks. Pretty sweet gig. As for the enormous thing....well uhhhh...I'll leave myself out of that conversation and you can talk to the THING master himself HS.
Got up early and moved hay. Oh what a treat. Made $55 for a couple hours work and was served ice tea and homemade boston cream pie afterwards...I'll take it..but that was some hard work. We had 600 of em. Buddy and I were in the top of the barn stacking. phew.
Moved a bunch of stuff into my new place today.. YAY! Feels good to be getting moved but still have a ton to do. W had to get to the dentist this morning. Major cavity, possible root canal and crown. Ouch. Feel bad for her, she's in a lot of pain. She's out right now getting pizza and subs and movie for the kids. We're going to hang at the house for a bit and then she'll bring them to her place for the night. Gonna get up and go for a ride with my buddy in the am. Psyched for that.
Otherwise, not a whole heck of a lot going on. Buddy is going to come help me move more stuff tomorrow.
LOL. Nice to get some laughs. You are all Naughty. Bad, bad, bad, bad, BAD!
Fun, swashy! I love doin' hay. Good times. But yes, some hard work. Sounds like you and your buddy got paid well for it though. Yummm... iced tea. Glad you're feeling good getting some things moved into your new place. Enjoy your sub and movie with the family. Thanks so much for all your support.
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
Hey All! Well that FING SUCKED! The whole night was fine. We hung out, kids watched their movie...whatver. But at the end of the night D6 starts saying that she doesn't want to go to mommy's wants to stay with me. I remind her that she was complaining the other night about not getting to see mommy and that she would be with me the next two nights so i think she should go with her. Well that turned into, I don't want two houses and why can't you come to mommy's house and it's not fair because you don't get to see mommy. All the while my W is in the other oblivious to the fact that her D's heart being ripped out. She was crying - I was crying (although she didn't see it)...Fing sucked. I calmed her down, made her laugh a bit, carried her upstairs so she could brush her teeth before going over and carried her back down. She started to get upset again, W did see it this time but it wasn't nearly as bad and I gave her my hat to wear and bring to bed with her.
She was upset earlier today too saying a lot of the same stuff. I just want to get them into a routine in both houses so they feel a little more secure before dropping the friggin' D bomb on them. UGH!
I'm so sorry about your kids. I know that rips your heart out. There's a lot of that going on over here, too. DD3 is starting to get a little baffled about why Daddy is "at work" all the time. He's hard at work atop a---well, never mind....
Don't suppose you'd let me put H in your beer fridge for a spell? He might be more susceptible to my DB'ing if he chills a bit.
Swash I hear you. I know my daughter is hurt and confused by all of this bullshit going on. She throws little fits when it is time to go, when wife or I leaves. "No dont go.....stay" gets all clingy and that. It is hard and it sucks. I am learning little tricks though, they way I prefer to leave my child is with a smile on her face bragging about all of the fun she had with daddy.....
Just got back from the big firework show.......it totally rocked! Blew away any firework show I ever saw before. Made me feel better, after this afternoons fiasco....lost my ring while swimming.. see my thread for more details. My buddy who I went with, his wife invited her friend along. This friend of hers just found out that her hubby is having an affair. Was kinda sad to watch her call him like 10 times in the 5 hour period we were down there......Managed to get 2 minutes with her towards the end of the night and pointed her towards DR book and towards this website. She was aware of my some of my sitch.......told her that this has helped me alot........
Anyhow, i digress.......just be patient with your kids. Easy to say, sometimes hard to do....take care man
Speaking of fireworks, my H will definitely have to take the kids to a fireworks show. If he balks, he's going in that beer fridge. The OW needs to learn how to play stepmother to raving monsters--Lord love 'em.
Somebody did say "thing", but that person was probably ill-advised. Busted a couple of buttons on my corset.
Sorry, S2H. That does suck. You handled it really well. I know that probably doesn't make it whole lot better. Your kids have a good Dad and are very fortunate. I'm not a parent and I can't imagine how hard this is, but I would think that it would help make the kids feel more secure if you talked to them again now about what is happening... even if you leave divorce out of it for now.?? ((((swashy))))
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
Delia - not sure the beer fridge is big enough for him...and I really don't want him skunking the beer. But I'm sure we can figure something out.
NDDT - Thanks man. Glad to hear you had a good time at the show, helped someoene but sorry about the ring. That really sucks.
Thanks JKD....yup, loves to sleep with one of my hats....but it was also my favorite one..Patriots....better get it back
J - They obviously know that we've been S and that mommy and daddy need some space from each other. Now they are coming to terms with selling the house and getting 2 new places. My D hates that we are renting and not buying for some reason. Then I think we'll tell them about the D. I do talk to them a lot, ask if they are ok and ask if they have questions on anything that is happening. I've told them that no matter what they can and should come to me with questions or if they are upset. Which I think is why my D did open up to me last night. Need to make them understand that the communication line is open.
Well, need to grab some coffee and breakfast and then head out for a ride. yay me.
Sounds good, swashy. Glad you're working so hard to keep the lines of communication open for your kids. They are lucky to have a Dad like you. Hope you had a great ride!
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
J - Ride was great, thanks. Not that long but pretty hard. Good stuff. I'm pretty cooked between the hay, moving and riding.
HS - very kind of you to say. Certainly haven't felt like much of a good dad...especially through my "angry years". Been a lot better since the bomb. Really learning to appreciate them. But I have to say...something I noticed today actually. Now that I'm letting go of all of this and accepting it...I feel so much more patient around them. I think that most of the time when I lost my patience with them before...it would be because I was stressed about my sitch, etc. I am just so much more at peace right now....calm....feels really, really good.
And I have to say, the interactions with the W were better this weekend too. She said last weekend that she didn't think she could be comfortable with me until this was all over..but she seemed more comfortable this weekend. So that's a good thing. I really think it's important for the kids too. They sense it I think and they have been great this weekend. D6 has had a few episodes of sadness but they are listening and behaving really well.
Life is good! Gotta make plans for the 3rd and 4th. She has the kids for the night of the 3rd. Really want to do something. Then she is taking them for the 4th, it's her dad's birthday...but I'll have them that night. So S2H will be on the loose for a while.
Sorry...one more thing. I think I've made the decision that this will be my last thread in Newcommer's. I'll be moving over to Surviving. Only seems appropriate at this point. I actually posted a thread there last week about the mediation. I'll certainly still come around and hang out of course. It seems like most of my original crew have moved on from newcommer's too. Guess I really do hate change.
Thank you to everyone who has seen me through this part of my life. I have a new and exciting future ahead of me and I can't wait to continue to share those details with all of you in Surviving so please come find me!
MWHGC was the first to respond to me...thank you! Had you not, who knows where I'd be right now. Ian and Tyson - you guys have become more than just suport for me...you have become my brothers. So glad that I now have you guys in my life. Rob, Jen, SD - you all have been my inspiration and I'm so proud to know you. Shoe - my sleeping pill...you have gotten me through some rough nites..thank you! HS & Kev - Nobody makes me laugh harder than you guys - YOUR FING THING ROCKS! Dana, F21, Jules, Care, Rainbow, Kristy, Trip, TGH, Neli, Nikki - My sweet, sweet girls...what can I say...you all shine so very, very bright and inspire me want to be a better man. SOTS - you are so unique you get your own section...you have made me look at myself like nobody else. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your wisdom, insight and advice. Then I've got Fender, Krylos, NDDT, FA, Ben, and anyone else form the GSOIA Group, you're all my peeps. Thanks for having my back. There have also been a bunch of newer folks popping on. I'm so sorry that you all find youreselves here and I appreciate that you come to my thread because I know it may not be what you want to see in many ways....but realize that what you see before you is a man who has won his life back.
Now...I hope to GOD that I didn't miss anyone. I actually wasn't going to mention names when I started this...just for that reason...so if I did...I am so very, very sorry.
Sorry...one more thing. I think I've made the decision that this will be my last thread in Newcommer's. I'll be moving over to Surviving. Only seems appropriate at this point. I actually posted a thread there last week about the mediation. I'll certainly still come around and hang out of course. It seems like most of my original crew have moved on from newcommer's too. Guess I really do hate change.
Thank you to everyone who has seen me through this part of my life. I have a new and exciting future ahead of me and I can't wait to continue to share those details with all of you in Surviving so please come find me!
MWHGC was the first to respond to me...thank you! Had you not, who knows where I'd be right now. Ian and Tyson - you guys have become more than just suport for me...you have become my brothers. So glad that I now have you guys in my life. Rob, Jen, SD - you all have been my inspiration and I'm so proud to know you. Shoe - my sleeping pill...you have gotten me through some rough nites..thank you! HS & Kev - Nobody makes me laugh harder than you guys - YOUR FING THING ROCKS! Dana, F21, Jules, Care, Rainbow, Kristy, Trip, TGH, Neli, Nikki - My sweet, sweet girls...what can I say...you all shine so very, very bright and inspire me want to be a better man. SOTS - you are so unique you get your own section...you have made me look at myself like nobody else. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your wisdom, insight and advice. Then I've got Fender, Krylos, NDDT, FA, Ben, and anyone else form the GSOIA Group, you're all my peeps. Thanks for having my back. There have also been a bunch of newer folks popping on. I'm so sorry that you all find youreselves here and I appreciate that you come to my thread because I know it may not be what you want to see in many ways....but realize that what you see before you is a man who has won his life back.
Now...I hope to GOD that I didn't miss anyone. I actually wasn't going to mention names when I started this...just for that reason...so if I did...I am so very, very sorry.
THANK YOU ALL!
Why is it that I feel like I just watched an oscars acceptance speech?????
Why is it that I feel like I just watched an oscars acceptance speech?????
ROFLMAO! Glad to have you back buddy!
SO...kids started camp today. W was at the hospital last night. She has beed doing laundry at her house for us. I could not for the life of me find D6 and S5s bathing suits. Ripped the house apart looking...nothing. So I sent her a text figuring that maybe they were at her place in the laundry and then I went to bed. Well she sent 2 text messages and called and then finally called the house line and woke me up. She was prett pissy..."I knew I should have just put everything out before I left" like I'm incapable of taking care of the kids or something. So I get up at 11:40 and start looking again...still nothing. She had said that if she found them when she got home that she would swing them by that night. I wake up at 2am and there is a text saying she still can't find them and to check the pool fence. I get up and sure enough there is S5s on the pool fence. Still Can't find D6s. So I'm laying in bed all stressed out because she was so pissy and then I thought...good for her. During our M she has never been able to express her anger. Really a big part of what got us here. So although it was hard to listen to...she got it out, didn't bottle it up for once. She really seems to be finding her strength and I'm happy for her!
So I found an old bathing suit for D6 and got them all ready and off to camp this morning. They were so excited. Did talk to W this morning for a minute and she was back to being fine.
Exactly! But you know, I used to get pissy like this all the time. It wasn't really at her, just stressed, etc but I took it out on her. And I even think that is kind of ok to do...as long as the other person is strong enough to realize what is happening, accept it and not take it personally. She wasn't able to do that but I plan to. Next time I will remember this and ask her if everything else is ok. At the moment I was taking it personally.
So i got home from work and my W had made up some burgers...but hadn't cooked them yet. She was going to have one but the antibiotics she's on for her tooth are bothering her stomach. She was running out to a movie so I gave her a hard time because I know that she'll be chowing down on popcorn and candy. Pretty funny. So..the interactions between us continue to be nice and friendly. Glad she seems to be ok around me. Hopefully we can keep it like this.
H texted me - she was in FL and just got back. They have these bonfires on the beach every year here on the 3rd of July...so we may go to that tomorrow night. I haven't been in years. So I'm psyched, should be fun. Want to try and get a ride in first. After tomorrow I'm off from work until next Tuesday.
Closing on the house a week from today - lots to do. Hope everone is good. I'm pretty tired...need to get some sleep tonight. I can't believe it but my W found D6's bathing suit in the hamper that I went through 3 times.
Hey All! I'm in a friggin' GREAT mood today. Just a beautiful day out, dropped the kids at camp, blasted some music on my way in, tomorrow is the 4th and I'm off work for a week. Life is good! Happy, happy, joy, joy.
My one problem is...I don't think going to the bonfires is a good idea. I've been thinking about it and I will most certainly run into someone I know there and the neighborhood is already snickering up a storm...don't really need the whole neighborhood thinking that we're getting a D because I'm having an A. May have to see if we can do something else instead.
Nope - staying in the neighborhood. My new place is about a mile from the one we're selling. Her's too. So I will continue to see these people, my kids will be at school with their kids, etc. Should it matter what they think...probably not...but just not sure I want to open myself up to that...at least not yet.
I've not posted to you before, but have followed your thread for a long time, and really admire your journey. This just jumped out at me; hope you don't mind my $.02.
I would agree with you that as far as you are concerned, who cares what the adults think/say...but those comments all too often filter down to neighbors' kids, and then in the 'out of the mouths of babes' way may well come back on to your kids. Do I remember correctly that you mentioned something along those lines recently? The most innocent parties in all of this are your kids; doing everything you can to spare them extra stress or sadness about your situation at this point might well be worth missing the bonfire.
I understand the neighborhood dilemma. Ran into my old next door neighbor Frank the other day at Home Depot. We use to drink beer, joke and just talk about anything in our garages. Nothing was out of bounds. Now, the only conversation we could muster for our 10 minute encounter was about caulk, paint and drywall screws. He thanked me for the stbx lending him my drill, so I guess I'm still good for something in the neighborhood.
Really awkward anymore when I see the neighbors, her family and I have no clue what the STBX is telling them.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Thanks L! For following along and the advice. That is exactly right. There have been two incidents where S7 has had other kids ask if we were getting a D. Last thing I need is for some kid to overhear his parents saying they saw me with someone, etc, etc and that getting to my kids. REALLY not worth it. Even though I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong...I need to be careful because of the affect it could have on my kids.
So I was supposed to go out with H tonight but she ended up having to go to her mother's house. We're going to try and get together on Saturday night instead. Just a little bummed out. Was really looking forward to getting out tonight and having some fun. I called around and everyone is either busy or staying in, etc. So I'm stuck at home tonight by myself. Ugh...don't like that. Oh well better get used to it I guess. Been on the phone most of the night so far and kicking back a few beers. Gonna try and go for a ride in the morning, then a 4th of July party and then I have my kids back tomorrow night. Want to try and get them to go see the fireworks if I can work it out.
What a great night! OMG, I had so much fun. Her dad has a really nice summer house down on the beach in my town. We basically hung out with her her little brother and sister and all of their friends all night - college kids. So funny to be hanging in that atmosphere. We just kept looking at each other and saying "ahh..youth".
After a while we walked down to the beach and sat on the sea wall together. Just a stunning night. Moon was out, fireworks going off, waves crashing...wow. So we sat and talked for a good long while. We talked about my sitch a bit, her R with this guy that she is seeing, life experiences, family (her mom has lung cancer - ugh - but seems to be doing ok). Ummmm...just REALLY enjoyed her company. More than once she told me I was "amazing" and at one point jokingly said "Oh my God, I think I love you". Just felt good to have someone appreciating me and my qualities. She's an incredibly interesting person. Very driven, intelligent and outgoing. Likes flyfishing and cycling - my two passions - as well as yoga, rock climbing, traveling...the list goes on. I dunno...a really interesting person and I'm glad I got to spend a beautiful evening with her. Did I mention that she looked incredible?
Sounds like we're going to try and get together on Sat night too. Going to go up to her place and hang out.
My buddy just texted me. Going to meet him in a bit for a ride and them I'm off to 4th of July part. Get my kids back at 5:30 and hopefully I can get them to see some fireworks.
Oh yeah...pretty comical. I'm driving home at 1am and I am talking to Kym on the phone...and not far from my house i drive by a small fire in the woods. Well OM was on last night. So I hung up and called 911. Keep driving and as I'm walking into my house, out goes OM. At least I got to wake him up in the middle of the night! HA!
Wow! Pretty powerful words there. I tripped over myself avoiding saying that to my stbx even after a year of exclusively dating her. I was afraid to say it even if I felt it. She was saying it all the time and I just nodded my head or would change the subject for the longest time until I finally said "I love you to" in return.
She must really like you.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
"Keep driving and as I'm walking into my house, out goes OM. At least I got to wake him up in the middle of the night! HA! "
Now I know you are really into the detaching thing because you were able to not kill him and you didn't rant about it. I am very happy you were able to deal with this in a positive manner, you rock and I wanna be you. HS just wants to stick his thing in you.
Me 45 WAW 46 Married 23yrs D22 S18 D12 W moved out 1/12/07 Divorce Final 2/06/08
Hey Tom...don't take that the wrong way buddy. She said it in a joking manner. I don't even remember what I said but whatever it was she was simply impressed by my prespective on it...hence the comment. Not a big deal. Just means she appreciates my view point and the type of person I am. Which in itself is a wonderful feeling.
Thanks Fender! I'm good buddy. She's going to do whatever it is she is going to do. I can't control that or change it...she'll just have to live with her own decisions. Not my problem anymore. I wish her the best and I would love to see her making better choices in her life...but hey...out of my hands.
Hey Tom...don't take that the wrong way buddy. She said it in a joking manner. I don't even remember what I said but whatever it was she was simply impressed by my prespective on it...hence the comment. Not a big deal. Just means she appreciates my view point and the type of person I am. Which in itself is a wonderful feeling.
OIC... Still it sounds as though she digs you! Yes, that's a good feeling when a OW can appreciate you for you. You finally start to realize that despite stbx's actions and words, there are still some redeeming qualities about yourself. Of course, I met you and already knew that, but it's nice to hear it from the opposite sex.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
I think that it is important to be VERY open-minded on that subject. After all, if the lady's the whole enchilada, very chesty, but also quite hairily chested--in places--would you be so unkind as to turn her down?
I think it came into play because Swashy's threads seem to flow naturally in that direction, like a river to the sea.
LOL Delia...it does always seem to head that way doesn't it? Too funny.
Thanks Trip. Well I couldn't exactly let the whole forest burn down could I?
It sounds like he had to come to the house next door to her place last night too to put a bonfire out, etc. Her whole family was over. Pretty funny. He had a busy night. HA!
I'm pretty sure she is out with him tonight. He lives near the water and I'd put money on it that we were on opposite sides of the bay tonight, me with the kids, her with him watching the same fireworks. Kinda sad...but it is what it is.
On happier news, I went to a 4th of july BBQ this afternoon and had a blast. Some old friends and met some new people. Got to drive my buddy's 67 Mustang home with his W. We always have really good conversations, so that was nice.
Came home, good interactions with the W again. Told me about her night with her family, etc. Funny stories. Nice and comfortable...so the trend continues....which is good. Kids were upset that I wasn't there today - hard for them. ugh. We then moved some more stuff over to the new place. They seem pretty excited to get moved in over there...so that's cool. Then, as I said earlier, i took them over to a spot where we could see the fireworks. It was raining a bit, the bugs were out, etc so we didnt' stay long...but at least they got to see them.
Got a buddy coming over tomorrow with a truck to help me move the big stuff. That'll be good. Got a TON to move still...yikes.
Got a text from H about goinng out on Saturday....maybe a movie or mini golf...should be fun as usual.
How brave of her to come forward and post this here. Luckily she is getting some great advice. I see this as an opportunity for all of us to learn...like many of us have from Amy.
Can't wait for that steak and cheese sub to get here....I'm staaaahvin!
So I was supposed to go out with H tonight but she ended up having to go to her mother's house. We're going to try and get together on Saturday night instead. Just a little bummed out. Was really looking forward to getting out tonight and having some fun. I called around and everyone is either busy or staying in, etc. So I'm stuck at home tonight by myself. Ugh...don't like that. Oh well better get used to it I guess. Been on the phone most of the night so far and kicking back a few beers. Gonna try and go for a ride in the morning, then a 4th of July party and then I have my kids back tomorrow night. Want to try and get them to go see the fireworks if I can work it out.