I feel at peace. I went camping this weekend. Oddly, it was something I realize the old me would not have appreciated, enjoyed, or probably have done. I am so glad that person is gone. Can't change the past.... but certainly going to live for the present and be the person I want to be now and into my future. There were fireflies everywhere in the fields, cozy fires, stars illuminating the sky, the sounds and smells of the outdoors, and good friends and family. It was a romantic setting and one that I hope to enjoy in the future with someone special. I can definitely see myself going camping in my future and enjoying that with friends and with a man. I thought last night about how my H and I never did that. I wish we had, those would be memories I would like to have. But we weren't the same then, I wasn't the same then, I had some sadness but reality and acceptance in that thought, and excitement in thinking about my future and what it will hold and what I will make of it.
I feel like some of the things I'm most proud of lately is that I'm really appreciating what I have in life, being grateful for what I have and expressing gratitude for it, appreciating the memories for the past and thanking those in my life for those yet accepting them as the past, and moving forward in my present and future. I am becoming a really respectful and appreciative woman and I know that some strong man (stress this part because I wish to find someone who is really emotionally strong and truly knows himself) out there, is going to get himself one heck of a catch someday when I choose to love again. Just feel like I'm learning so much.
I have those moments of pity and sadness when I feel alone or like I don't have a family, but I also feel great peace at times when I think about my future. I have faith that great things shall come and I know with all I have learned, I will then make and keep things great.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
the world works in mysterious ways... in a moment of fear last night when i was worrying about my future but yet surrounded by the calm of nature, i got a phone call from a v-ball friend inviting me out to drinks. i wasn't in the city so i couldn't go, but it just made me smile. the call came at exactly the right time. i know, i just need to keep putting myself out there and meeting new people and building friendships. in the end, making friendships and finding love in that way, is what will help me be happy and not feel alone while going through the divorce and it is always what gives me great hope for my future. so, one thing i have resolved from all of this and learned, is that i like being outgoing and social and i need to be and regardless of if i get married someday again, i will not lose myself again in that marriage and lose that social and outgoing and balls out person. i lost that along the way in my current marriage. i lost my individuality and spirit. there is a way to have that and a marriage and next time i intend to have both.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
Glad you sound so good! You know, I think the thing we learn through this process is OURSELVES. I, too, would have never camped before, and now I'm begging H to go. (He used to complain I wouldn't be open to that, and now HE'S dragging his heels...ugh!)
Embrace yourself. I think so much is made of the "two becoming one" that we forget who we are as individuals. You don't sacrifice your personality to another person...you accept each other and learn a thing or two in the process.
You keep doing your awesome Dana thang!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
-evenings out with my 'sex in the city friends' -becoming and being a great teacher -a future family, being a wife, a mother -being a sister, a daughter, an aunt -loving myself and the woman I am, humbling myself and growing from the past, accepting my failures and my flaws and learning from them and embracing them -appreciating and accepting and openly stating the things I am good at. Being confident and assertive. -knowing my needs and communicating them effectively -being a good listener -laughter, FUN -camping, traveling, fishing, yard work, taking care of my house/car, yoga, working out, running, card club, guitar, piano, drawing, ....-living in the moment and the present ....trying many new things and learning what I like -seeing the positives in everything and everyone -not judging others -a spiritual relationship with God and church, being active in church, and a marriage built in a foundation of church -being grateful for all I have in my life -knowing more about men and marriage. continual learning. building a great marriage with someone. knowing what someone else needs and meeting those needs and showing love in the way that person needs. continual growth and deep love. -making new friends and enjoying old friends -becoming financially indepedent and owning my home -staying physically fit and having a great body -a better relationship with my family -learning from my marriage, appreciating the great things that were present in it and appreciating the good things my husband gave me and us, and moving forward -respecting and loving full force -traveling, living abroad someday -joining new organizations and clubs and meeting new people and learning new things -being friendly, a spirit/force/light, being open, balls out, treating people like a best friend, loving life, being funny, and a little wild -controlling myself only and being a good friend to others but allowing people to control their own stuff and knowing I don't have to take that on -learning throughout life about myself and others -being a great friend -inviting people to my house -setting goals continually and reaching them -being independent and on my own, and then sharing with someone else eventually (not sacrificing) -good health -putting myself out there -dating again -butterflies, new touches, new loves, new feelings -being romanced, being pursued, being appreciated, being loved -great communication -men who know themselves and what they want and can communicate it -exploring my sexuality
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
I LOVE your list. Have you ever thought of doing a Fulbright exchange, teaching? I went to a great seminar on one from Japan...they are available for so many countries, and you get PAID your regular, US salary :0)
You sound SO good; these are the ingredients for a Great Life.
Great list Dana! I might have to steal some of your Hello's :-)!! Glad you had fun camping. I have never been much of a camper but like you am starting to appreciate all that is around me so maybe I will give it another try! It is funny how being put in these sitch's makes us look at things differently. Personally, I am glad that it has as it has made me a better person. I think the same has happened for you as well! Have a great week!
So, I was talking with my sister today. We were discussing that although I haven't met anyone I would like to date, I know that my marriage is over and that is a next step for me, should the time and opportunity come. It could be months, who knows. But, we talked about the fact that I am still married. I don't want to be someone who is considered a cheater or someone who is considered having an affair. I know my husband ended our marriage but yet, I am still legally married. I do not know when or if he will file. My couselor (who met him a few times for MC) does not think he ever will nor do some of our family and friends. I did not want the responsibility of ending our marriage when I was willing to work on it and try again and start over. I didn't want to live with the knowledge for the rest of my life that I was the one that had to end it (even if it is just the paperwork). I was really hoping if he was the one who wants it ended, that he would take that step. Anyway, my point is, how do you move forward when you are still married? I don't know if that is really moral or okay. I feel like I should be divorced first yet I don't know that I am okay doing that either. It's just weird. Kind of feel like I'm stuck right now between being single and not really single.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
K- I understand what you're saying. I guess my thoughts right now are regarding if I should be the one to file. I feel I have and have to accept that this marriage is over. Therefore, for myself, I need to move forward. That doesn't mean dating right this instance, etc. but that means the marriage is over and I have a future that doesn't include him and I need to move towards that future. I don't think I will feel right dating as long as I am legally married. So, I start to wonder, if since the marriage is over anyway, why I can't get past myself and just be the one to file. I don't know why I'm hung up on that bit. Anyway, because I'm confused I know it is not a time to act... just thinking about it and my concerns.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
Can't change the past.... but certainly going to live for the present and be the person I want to be now and into my future. There were fireflies everywhere in the fields, cozy fires, stars illuminating the sky, the sounds and smells of the outdoors, and good friends and family. It was a romantic setting and one that I hope to enjoy in the future with someone special. I can definitely see myself going camping in my future and enjoying that with friends and with a man. 
