Who knows, maybe you'll decide sometime to go by where he is to give him pleasure. I'm sure you have told him that you are married. Wow, what a real go-getter. What a great person to be available and encouraging to a women who is married. How can you be attracted to someone who would want to break up a marriage?
Is this from the same person who posted the following to stillme a few days ago:
Quote:
stillme, since you live in central FL, I'm convinced that me and you should just hook up. This will make our partners jealous.
It seems that, just like Doc Holiday, your hypocrisy knows no bounds. "Wow, what a real go-getter."
Do yourself a favor -- quit beating up on people here and get yourself some help, bro. Try to practice what you preach to people. For being so close to God as you often claim or portray, you sure don't follow His principles.
Quit bullying and belittling people. It says a lot about your character.
Sorry Sandi and everyone else. I'm just tired of seeing his cr@p all over the place. Just had to witness it on a newbie (gingersnap). Her very first post got a "very welcoming" first response...
Hi Sandi, i just found "your thread" here, after posting to you in someone else's thread. oops!
moving it...
Quote:
I cry because I don't know if I will ever be able to let my H touch me sexually again. I cry because I sent the OM away and I may never experience that kind of sexual excitement again.
Of course you will Sandi...
It wont be "exactly the same", because no relationship is exactly the same. but it will be there.
your excitment follows your heart. You gave your heart to someone else. That someone else is no longer in your life (and thank God for that).
your heart is empty now. there is no place for your sexual energy to go right now. you are in "withdrawal" from your affair with the OM. you are grieving it. it takes weeks, sometimes months.
Give yourself time to recover, without expectations. Just leave your heart open to your husband. let him fill it again. Then in time, your desire will return.
"A watched pot never boils."
Keeping a "watch" on your sexual desire, i think is a sure way to keep it smothered. Just be open to your husband... sit next to him.. hug him if you feel like it... and in time, you will be ok again, if he is treating you well.
It has happened to many many people this way. it will happen this way for you. hang in there.
Quote:
Yes, I believe in setting goals. Right now, I'm not sure of what to set for a goal. I don't have the mindset for it. I guess because I feel so depressed today. I'm just trying to survive a day at a time.
May i suggest: a goal of spending time being "physically close" to your husband, in a simple non-sexual way, every day. 10 minutes of just sitting together, with his arm around you, or vice versa, watching TV, or whatever else. Part of the goal being, to feel good that there is someone next to you who cares about you, and loves you, and that you can appreciate that about him.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
PS: about your earlier post somewheres, about "fantacising"...
I hear that for women, its about the feelings that this fantasy person evokes in you, not neccessarily the person themselves.
maybe you can try shifting the fantasy.
first, without wallowing in it, remember what it was about the fantasy about the other person, got you feeling good about it. Probably, it was the way he treated you, or talked to you, or...
then, imagine that your husband got hit by a personality changer, and started acting that same way towards you.
"but he'd never do that!!!"
well, funny thing.... this is a "fantasy". reality doesnt have to have anything to do with it
give it a try.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Thank you for responding and thanks for your concern. I wish I could just have the desire to sit next to my H on the couch and watch a movie or something. I am afraid to touch him for fear that his hopes will sky rockett. It just doesn't take much for him to think everything is "fixed" and it is far from being fixed.
This afternoon has been really bad for me. I got some very distrubing news and I am feeling so weak in my resolve not to contact the OM. I know that is the last thing I need to do, but my emotions are calling out to him so strongly.
I just need anyone's help right now. I thought last night was hard to get through, but I think tonight will be tougher.
Last edited by sandi2; 07/19/0710:22 PM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Stay strong!!! You have us if you need to vent, get something off your chest, talk, etc. You have been so helpful for many of us here -- now be helpful for you and your M. Weather this new emotional storm. The sun will shine again soon, and you will be much happier and proud of yourself that you toughed it out. Whatever it is that has got you down, I'm sure it is taking its toll on you. However, I know that you can get through this without contacting OM. As you've already said, it is the last thing you need to do -- so find an appropriate way to deal with what you're currently facing.
Thank you sweetie. So, far, so good. I think I'll make it. Just been a really hard couple of days.....no, make that a week....no make that two weeks.....ok, so a month. Always, new problems, you know.......and always will be new ones around the next corner. I hope I have helped someone on the board, as you can see, I am all too human with all the human weaknesses. So, you all have helped me more than I can say. Thanks so much.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi...you made it two weeks now...you are doing VERY GOOD...I know it isn't easy...I know you sometimes think "what could it hurt to just drop a line to him"...but it would hurt YOU...inside you know that if you did that you would feel aweful...you would feel the raw betrayal to your H who is so loving and kind as to give you a chance...
Someone mentioned taking time to sit with him for maybe 10 minutes...before doing this...sit down and talk to him or email him...whatever it takes...and explain to him what you are trying to accomplish...and that you need his support by not pressuring you and by not thinking that all is fixed...you HAVE to employ him at some point into this...he won't know what to do if you don't tell him...and yes, it might hurt but in the long run when he see's the outcome it will be so much better...and the fact that you were able to get to this point without an actual PA will also be of benefit to you both...
How are things with your D...have you had a chance to talk to her?...she might also be in a position to talk to her dad and help him understand the transition that you are going through and how he needs to be in order for you to heal...
You need to vent...it is appearant that things are happening that make you want to contact the OM...you have us now...you need to come to us and find the comfort...we are safe...he is not safe...
You are doing so good...reward yourself in a little way for your BIG hurdle of 2 weeks!
Thanks Lin, did you get my message about last Sunday and how I tried to get a message across to my daughter in sort of a round about way. I was talking to some other folks at the time, but she sat up and took notice. I also had another chance today to tell her that if my family had confronted me about what I had done, like an intervention or something like that, I would have been so humilitated that I would wanted to take my own life. I wouldn't, but would feel like it. She never said anything one way or the other. But I just said that I knew I had to move forward and keep trying to work at it. A couple she went to school with that had been married about 23 years are getting divorced. That wasn't my distrubing news today, btw, it was much worse than that, but I can't get into it. Just pray for our family.
Thanks always for being such a good friend.
Last edited by sandi2; 07/20/0702:37 AM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank you for responding and thanks for your concern. I wish I could just have the desire to sit next to my H on the couch and watch a movie or something. I am afraid to touch him for fear that his hopes will sky rockett. It just doesn't take much for him to think everything is "fixed" and it is far from being fixed.
This afternoon has been really bad for me. I got some very distrubing news and I am feeling so weak in my resolve not to contact the OM. I know that is the last thing I need to do, but my emotions are calling out to him so strongly.
I just need anyone's help right now. I thought last night was hard to get through, but I think tonight will be tougher.
"But if you will not obey the voice of the Lord your God, being watchful to do all His commandments and His statutes which I command you this day, then all these curses shall come upon you and overtake you:
...Your sons and daughters shall be given to another people, and your eyes shall look and fail with longing for them all the day; and there shall be no power in your hands to prevent it.
You shall beget sons and daughters but shall not enjoy them, for they shall go into captivity.
All these curses shall come upon you and shall pursue you and overtake you till you are destroyed, because you do not obey the voice of the Lord your God, to keep His commandments and His statutes which He commanded you.
They shall be upon you for a sign [as a warning] and for a wonder, and upon your descendants forever."Deuteronomy 28:15, 32, 41, 46, 46
Forever is a long, long time and it encompasses your grandchildren, great-grandchildren and even their grandchildren.
If My people, who are called by My Name, will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14
Some would tell you that those scriptures don't apply to you under these circumstances. Oh, yes, maam they most certainly do and unless you want to live out here like I live, like a refugee, you need to get your head on straight. SPEAK THAT WHICH IS NOT AS THOUGH IT WERE. SPEAK WHAT IS RIGHT INTO BEING. It is in line with His Word. Speak it. I'm going to go try to dig up an old post that this has reminded me of...
** I just did a search and the maximum date range is supposedly a year. I searched the term I was looking for for YOU and it came up. I wrote it January 2006. So much for that maximum date range...I'll post it next.
