Most exciting game in college football history, and I don't care what anyone says! Unfortunately, no big games/big names on the schedule. Best game to be played in Boise (besides our Idaho civil war game against the Idaho Vandals, which will be a blowout but fun anyway) is probably against Nevada on Oct 14. We also play a home game against San Jose State on Nov 3rd, which may be a decent game (we only beat them by 2 pts last year -- scary game!). That's about it at home. Washington might be our biggest challenge, though Fresno State and Hawaii will be up there. It'll be interesting how the season plays out relative to last year's miracle!
my personal opinion is that you shouldn't worry about those concerns too much. I don't see it playing out that way. Let me elaborate tomorrow. I'm spent tonight. And yes, i did read your draft and had at least one suggestion, but let me read it again tomorrow.
They are worth the read , It will be some stuff you may not want to read
Believe me bro -- I've been through a lot in my life at the young age of 28. It may hurt, but I do want to read it if it will help me understand my W and where my R/M really is.
Since my last thread recently locked up, I'm bringing some items that are important to me to get feedback on over here from there. Any WAWs 2 cents would be esp appreciated! This is in regard to "the last stand talk" I'm debating about giving my W prior to D day:
DB coach agreed that I should say something to W about the possibility of putting a hold on the D as D day draws nearer. However, she felt that I should avoid saying anything about "the R with OM not panning out." She also felt that I should add something along the lines of "You know the door is still open a little, and no one else has my heart right now," (the rest is my addition to it -- haven't kicked it around with coach or anyone else yet):
"I'd like to give us another chance to work things out with a clean slate, and go nice and slow with no expectations and strings attached. If it doesn't work then we can always follow through with the D at that time. I was a fool to file in the first place and I never wanted this D. I understand that you very well might, but I'd like you to consider saving this M one last time, because I think we can. I know I've made a lot of mistakes over the years, and I can never take them back. However, I have finally owned them and released them. They are the past and I've made a choice to leave them in the past. I've made a choice to leave all of the bad times in the past and to forgive, because that is the only way to move on and have a healthy life and R. It took some time, but I finally realize that I will be okay, with or without you. However, I prefer it to be with you. You've helped me to see what I'm in serious jeopardy of losing, and I don't want that. I'd like us to start over, W, and to do so as equals. I know we can do it right if we give it a second chance."
Okay, this is more or less what I was thinking -- any opinions and/or constructive criticism? It might be too long, and then again there might be more that I want to say but haven't figured out how to do so (maybe something about how the way I attempted to unfile was wrong, and that I should've talk to her about it vs. sending a request via our attys). Also, I'd like some opinions on when and where I should bring this up -- should I ask her to meet me for coffee, or to sit and talk to me when she arrives to pick up the kids, etc? What would be an opportune time for this?
DB coach also suggested mentioning to W at some point during this conversation about reconciliation (maybe if/when W declines the idea of giving our M another chance) what I appreciate, admire, and respect about her, especially in relationship to the hardships endured with me (our hard times), and how I will never forget that about her. Also, she said I should state that I will never talk ill about our M, and I will always say when talking about it that we both learned a lot about ourselves throughout the M, and it has made us better people in the grand scheme of things and better prepared to have a healthier R/M in the future.
Takes on all of this?
I'm still trying to figure out how to best approach my W with "the last stand talk" about possible reconciliation in a few weeks. I'm thinking about doing it 2 weeks from Sunday, so the 29th, but could be Aug 5th too (D day is Aug 16th). My DB coach recommended looking for those moments where there seems to be sadness or remorse for the current state of things (like there seemed to be last week when W and I briefly discussed my attempt to unfile). She said that these are moments where the door is slightly open and when an LBS can make an attempt to "strike when the iron is cold" and W is feeling somewhat vulnerable. So, if this sitch arises, I'll try to be ready to seize the moment and do "the talk" then. Otherwise, I'm wondering if at my 2 or 3 week mark I should a) wait until she comes to pick up the kids and just ask her if would sit down and talk to me for a few minutes, or b) call her and ask her if she would be able to meet me for a cup of coffee when she's free, or c) go with another option I haven't thought of.
I pasted two different posts together in the above info, so it gets a little repetitive at the end (sorry). If anyone has any thoughts I would be greatly appreciative of you time. Thanks.
In re-reading the potential talk above, I think I can word it much better, but want to make sure I get feedback on what kinds of things should and shouldn't be said.
Quick update:
W called this morning and said she was asked to work some different shifts and do some different work for a few days this week. She then said she has to be to work at 5:00 tomorrow morning (implying she couldn't pick up the kids tonight after work). I said that was fine and that I would keep the kids tonight. She then said that she could pick them up tomorrow night, but would only be able to have them that night and maybe Thurs or Fri night (she said she would call and let me know which one). Again I said that is fine, and I'd talk to her then. She said okay, gave me a long sincere "Thank you," at which I responded with an upbeat "Sure. No problem," and then we both said goodbye.
I had plans to watch a movie with some friends tonight, but decided that this change of plans was necessary and that I would have to either cancel the movie plans or find a babysitter for a few hours. I always accomodate W's schedule changes -- even on the fly -- and don't think that she abuses this (and do think that she does sincerely appreciate it). I didn't tell her I had plans, which I think was a good thing too. I think that helping her in any way I can when she asks can only be beneficial to my cause, but I'd like to know what others think about this. Just trying to be that one person she can depend on. That best friend...
I also mentioned that an old friend of mine (she knows him) is getting married and is having a bachelor party in two weeks, which consists of doing an overnight float down the Big Salmon (river near our hometown). I said that I told him it was short notice for W and that I didn't know if she could adjust her schedule in time, but I would ask. She said that she should be able to do it. I told her thanks, and that if it wouldn't work out to just let me know.
So I guess I won't see her this week, and therefore have no chance to subtley meet her WOA LL. Oh well, I guess the more time and space, the better. Gives her more time to consider things, I suppose.
I'd like us to start over, W, and to do so as equals. I know we can do it right if we give it a second chance."
I only have a second GD, so I wanted to give you a quick take on this.
I would leave out the part quoted above. Anything that sort of gives the idea that you not only want to put the D on hold, but also maybe get back together at the same time would not end in a good way IMO.
I think just what you say in essense, is to place the idea that a D is not necessary at this time..... not that you want a full blown reconciliation.
The DB coach has good imput re;the OM, & I think believes a shorter/less said "Last Stand Talk" is a better choice.
Definitely hear from others, including DB coach before implementing.
With the talk I would tame it down a touch for example;
Quote:
I know I've made a lot of mistakes over the years, and I can never take them back.
I would change this to I know We've made a lot of mistakes over the years, and We can never take them back.
Make this a joint issue not just yours , unless you realy are prepared to take her back unconditionaly.
Also with the scheduling , dont be in too much of a hurry to change your plans to accomodate her , surely she can find a sitter if needed. She has chosen to do what she is doing , let her take some responsibility.
Make this a joint issue not just yours , unless you realy are prepared to take her back unconditionaly.
I see your point Dave, and I do worry that I'm generally being too nice. However, that is my 180. I was constantly a critical, controlling, and angry H for the past several years. Don't get me wrong, I had my good moments too, but they were definitely overshadowed by my negative behaviors. I figure that after the D goes through, I'll begin detaching much, much more -- definitely no more financial help after that, and likely less scheduling help too. I will still be kind, upbeat, helpful, etc, but it will be to a lesser extent for sure. The only reason I'm accommodating her schedule so much right now is because I'm currently not working. I plan on getting back into work soon (this month sometime), and that will surely put a damper on my ability to meet her scheduling needs. I'm just sitting back and letting her make her bed, and when the D is final she will be sleeping in it (with OM and not me). Then she will have some opportunity to reflect on her decision a little more critically. And during that time I'll be easy going, fun-loving, Lindy dancin', free-spirited, happy, good-lookin' and bachelor-livin' GD. I'll be livin' it up and enjoying life, and she'll be wondering why this new R and new life she chose hasn't solved her unhappiness like she thought it would...
There -- not so nice anymore, am I? Dang that felt good to get out!
I was really the one who was at the most fault in this M, though she contributed some too. I have forgiven her, which is why I could take her back relatively easy -- provided she profess her willingness to recommitt to the M 110%. She didn't leave me for OM -- he came along several months later. I can forgive her for that, because I was the idiot who filed for D after she left.
Thanks Dave -- I agree that I should likely tone it down a bit, and maybe drop anything that would remind her of the old GD. To tell you the truth though, I'm 99.9% sure this will have zero effect on her for quite a while -- maybe a year or two down the road if I'm lucky. Still gotta plant the seed though...
I think just what you say in essense, is to place the idea that a D is not necessary at this time..... not that you want a full blown reconciliation.
Excellent point! I must say I hadn't realized how bad of an idea combining the two could be until you pointed this out. I will definitely edit everything that suggests reconciliation. Thanks!
Old GD, versus new GD. In just the few weeks of knowing your online personality, you have become an amazing person. I have seen a huge change.
I fell like I'm in much the same sitch. I'll be there, but it can only extend so far. My W if unhappy, I was controlling. But she is also really upset with herself and thinks a new life will bring happiness. Everything I see so far says no, and everything I read says it won't.
My only advice is stick with your gut and hold strong to your convictions. You have a plan, follow it through. Keeps your dignity and self respect, no matter what happens.
Dang that felt good to get out!