Gone Dancin's Dilemma, 3

[Gone Dancin']

You have a plan, follow it through. Keep your dignity and self respect, no matter what happens.

Thanks for the very kind words and the above advice/reinforcement, Atlas. We're all just doing our best with what we've got, aren't we...

I really have gotten to a point where I know I'll be happy without her, but I still struggle with the thought of OM giving my kids advice, helping to raise them, teaching them things, playing with them, etc, when those things are supposed to be done by me. I don't dwell on W and OM's intimacy anymore (should say "very rarely" if I'm honest), and it sure has helped having people (and myself) put that all into perspective. I truly do believe that she will come to find that OM isn't the white knight she thought he was or the silver bullet that would end her unhappiness. I don't know if she will want to come back or not after that, but the knowledge that he alone can't make her happy has given me back some dignity and helped to quell my sense of rejection.

GD

[Not Much Left]

GD
Your on on better man than most
Keep it up
Cva

[Not Much Left]

My crackberry has on on glitch!

[C_K]

GD

I see your point , I forgot that she did not take up with OM until after you seperated. That makes your plan a lot more sense now.

Dave

[Atlas]

GD,

I know the dad thing hurts, I feel your pain. You will have opportunities. Don't worry they know who there dad is and will always love him. Your an incrediable person and have shown that you feel good about you and it shows.

[chicki]

GD,

You sound like you r in a really good place right now. Keep up the PMA!! And thanks for checking up on me((((hugs)))). I understand all too well about them seeing that their OW/OM will not make them anymore happier until they realize only YOURSELF can do that & ofcoarse the Lord.
I think (maybe wrong) but thats why my h made the"i'm miserable comment).

[christarn]

GD...just wanted to say thanks for showing interest in my story...I can totally relate to your story...my parents both passed away, and that put soo much stress on the H, trying to be an emotional support to me...I don't think he knew how/what/when I needed...and according to my DB coach that help to lead my part in the demise of our M. Stay strong...keep up the good work and PMA!!!

[Gone Dancin']

Thanks for stopping by with support everyone -- you are all great too and your thoughts very much appreciated!

CVA,

Your a better man than most.

I don't know about any of that (or where you get it), but thanks a bunch anyway! It certainly boosted my PMA. You're doing a fantastic job, too, and heed wise Sandi's advice -- you're lucky to have her undivided attn right now!

Dave,

I see your point , I forgot that she did not take up with OM until after you seperated. That makes your plan a lot more sense now.

I thought that might help. She does have her faults in the M, no question, but I can't put those on the table until she reinvests in the M 100%. Only then do I believe it will be safe and important to play the "we" and "us" card.

Atlas,

I know the dad thing hurts, I feel your pain. You will have opportunities. Don't worry they know who there dad is and will always love him. Your an incrediable person and have shown that you feel good about you and it shows.

Thanks Atlas -- the dad thing certainly does hurt (immensely). Anyone ever heard the Kenny Rogers song "I don't call him daddy?" I used to listen to it as a kid and now have it on my IPod -- it really resonates with me right now.

Thanks again for the kind words too -- you have also done some incredible things given what W has thrown your way. I'll catch up on your post later today/tonight, but it looks like Nomo is helping right now, so you're in good hands!

Chicki,

You sound like you r in a really good place right now. Keep up the PMA!! And thanks for checking up on me((((hugs)))). I understand all too well about them seeing that their OW/OM will not make them anymore happier until they realize only YOURSELF can do that

Thanks for stopping by and for your support -- I'm glad to see you're doing okay! I know that W will see that her happiness was/is shortlived, and maybe even the fact that we might well have saved our M if she wouldn't have given up on the possibility that I could change. Hindsight will come into play, I have no doubt!

christarn,

Welcome to my fine and pleasant misery! It sure is tough losing one's parents isn't it? I don't know how old you were, but I was 21 and an only child when I lost my mom (never grew up with dad), and was 26 when my last known living relative passed away (aside from my dad). I expected my W to know how and when to comfort me and help me get through it, but now realize that she didn't have the tools or the understanding to do so. Unfortunately I made her pay for that emotionally, and became a stressed out and societally-influenced person as a result. I only had myself as a guide, and I made some serious errors in judgement. Thank goodness I finally sought out some counseling and found this site -- don't know where I'd be if I hadn't...

Thanks again everyone!

GD

[Atlas]

GD,

Your in a great spot and helping a lot with others. Keep the changes going man!

[christarn]

GD...My mom fought a treamendous battle with cancer for 10 years, she finally past when I was 21..I dealt with that Ok, started nursing school half way thru that my dad was diagnosed with cancer...I watched him suffer for about a year when he had had enough and finally said no more...he watched me graduate from school and about 6 months later past away....I still battle the deamons of not having parents to turn to in times of turmoil...such as this crazy mess...i'm sure you totally understand that! My H didn't understand that...he turned to his parents for everything, even jobs when he was laid off, when he was in trouble with the law, he turned to them to bail him out...so he just didn't get the fact that having nobody to turn to his just a huge struggle....good for you for counseling!! It's good to talk with someone/others...who get this stuff, cause I sure don't....keep your chin up...."God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and wisdom to know the difference"...that's been my life line lately!! I'll say one, two or ten for you too!!