Last night went to my Lindy Hop night and there were only 4 leads and about 20 follows!!! Needless to say, I was a little busy! I felt so bad for all the girls, so I just danced every dance and just kept asking different girls so they would all at least get in a couple dances. I sweated like a pig, but my buddy Old Spice High Endurance was there for me! This is why I couldn't stay awake last night to read or post on threads (I think I got about 2 posts in total!). Before I went dancing though I was at a friends house for a steak and shrimp dinner and movie. W called while I was there and asked me about a recent scheduling change we made due to her work. I told her it was her call because she was the one who had lost days with the kids, and to just call me back when she knows what she wants to do.
Today went and got an oil change and replaced a fuse that had caused my truck's DVD players to quit working (the kids were stoked!). Also worked in the yard -- cleaned out all of the weeds in my flower and shrubs beds and have been spreading a fresh layer of bark over it all. Should be done with that tomorrow. The kids helped me by using their toy shovels, and when they weren't "helping" they were playing with the water hose that I had turned on for them. Occasionally they ambushed me with it too -- BRRRRRRRR!
W called a few hours ago about the schedule, and I accommodated. Then I threw out the back to back weekend trips to Seattle and Orlando and asked if she would be able to watch the kids. She said that it would be fine and she could do it, and I sensed a slight bit of curiosity mixed with a hint of irritation. I'm trying not to read into it, but come on: I just went to Hawaii for a week, now off to Seattle for a nonstop Lindy Hop dancing weekend followed by a trip to Orlando (which I also pawned off as being a Lindy Hop weekend too -- couldn't say it was a DB event obviously!). So I'm traveling all over and enjoying life while W sits around the house W smelly OM. It was kind of funny, but when I mentioned the trip to Orlando and said it was another "Lindy thing," she responded in a tiny bit of an irritable tone with "what Wendy thing?". It was all I could do to not chuckle when she said it, so I kept my composure and just said, "No no. Lindy thing. You know, my Lindy Hop dancing." She just responded with "Oh." Gotta say, it was kind of humorous and slightly revealing as to what she might've been thinking. I'd love to see the expression on her face if she could read still's recent post on Nomo's thread about the DB event girl's slumber party now!
I still don't think she'll put off the D when we have the talk, but I do think she'll still be curious from time to time (and maybe even jealous) about what I'm up to and with whom. I read somewhere (and was told in one of my IC sesh's several months ago) that it doesn't matter if the WAS has moved on and has no regrets about it -- when they hear about and/or see their ex with someone else for the first time, they become upset, angry, etc, about it.
Oh, during the convo with W today, I also asked her about work, how it was going, how she's been feeling, etc. Seemed to go pretty well, and I was also the one to change the subject back to wrapping things up and saying goodbye. All in all, not a bad convo. W was surprisingly accommodating for the multiple weekends sitch, and I'm happy about the ability to compromise and be friendly with one another. It's still not where I'd like it to be, but it's better than what it was.
Just keep dancin' you crazy fool. I've got two left feet, and I am sick and tired of being in weddings and not able to really dance when I should, so maybe that will be something I work on.
Love the time with the kids, they always know exactly what to do with that hose, it genetic I swear.
Nice work on being there for the W and her schedule change. HAVE FUN WITH THAT WENDY THING!!! haha. Enjoy your trips.
On the dancing, wanted to let you know that when I saw your screen name, I started thinking about taking dance lessons. Going tomorrow for the first one. Sounded like you had so much fun, what the hell. Give it a shot. Something I had always wanted to try.
And congrats on getting your R with the W to a point where it's mostly civil. I haven't read all of your story, but that's good progress and just wanted to congratulate you. You've got more patience and forebearance than i have.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Yeah, dancin' was completely out of my comfort zone 3 months ago. Now after taking as manHy lessons as possible and going to as many dance nights as possible, I'm totally comfortable with it -- Lindy Hop, that is! In fact, it is my new fav GAL activity! Salsa is next on my list, as is hip hop (though at 28 I'm kind of embarrassed to take hip hop lessons -- I'm not old by any means, but kind of feel too old for that!).
BD -- what kind of dance lessons are you taking?
Yep, despite W practically waving her new BF in my face in the beginning of their R a few months ago, the new GD (you know, the one with grace, respect, and restraint) let it roll off my back and it has made all (maybe most, anyway) of the difference in where my communication is with my W right now, and has also given me a greater sense of self and self respect. I believe it has allowed me to grow into a better person. And, no matter what happens with my M with W, my ability to do this will have forever garnered her respect, which is likely new found in a major way (and I'm definitely proud of that!).
You really know how to make a PMA blossom! I still don't know where you see the charm and wit coming out(maybe on occasion ), but if you're serving it I'll gobble it right up and ask for seconds! And to be honest, I don't think I am able to muster ANY charm and wit around W yet. I'm just too self-conscious to be that comfortable yet. I'm nice -- that's all I've got right now!
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It's enjoyable to watch ya grow & see how it effects your entire sense of self.
If it wasn't for DBing and the many people here (including yourself) both giving advice and providing insight through their own experiences, it's hard to say if I'd be anywhere good emotionally. What a great place this site has been! I see much growth in so many us -- it really is awesome to watch, isn't it!
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If Mopo can wear a leather bracelet, & I can shop in the Brass Plum section(juniors) @ Nordstrom's, you can take any kind of dancing you like.
I suppose -- I just feel like if/when I do take hip hop lessons, I'll be twice as old as everyone else! How embarrassing...
And btw, why aren't you coming to Orlando?! That's just not right (you not being included in the girl's slumber party pillow fights, that is ).
Just checking in with your sitch! A WAW is here to toss my nickel's worth into the bin.
I think at this point with the D coming up, you are almost at the "nothing to lose" stage of the game. I read your pitch for the W and I think you are on the right track. Apologizing for the filing, telling her you regret doing that and taking responsibility for your part of the breakdown in the M is great. Like others have stated I would not press for reconciliation nor would I take all the blame for your M’s trouble. Make the aim to make her think about postponing the D. No mention of OM or you two getting back together. Just a heartfelt talk that this is not what you really want right now and that you have made many changes and still see a chance in spite of the past and see where it gets you. You never know, maybe she doesn’t want to push through with the D either. D is a very big step but from all of our experienced DB’ing friends on here we know this isn’t the nail in the coffin. It’s just another obstacle to overcome.
GD you have lots going for you and sounds like your GAL plan has really got your W thinking about you! Esp. all of these weekends away & trips! Wowzer! I bet she is wondering if there is a little lindy-hopping lady out there that might have caught your eye! Something she may have to think about a lot more if the D goes through…nothing stopping you then…and good dance partners are a hot commodity J
PS: Bob Weir was decent last week. Didn’t play my favorites but still a good show.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
Thanks waw -- your input is always appreciated and highly valued here!
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I think at this point with the D coming up, you are almost at the "nothing to lose" stage of the game.
I agree with that -- I know I said in any earlier post that I was afraid that this "last stand talk" would just set me back in regard to all of the hard earned changes I've made. However, I realize that even if it did, it is worth taking the chance. W does need to know my heart one last time before this thing goes through. I also like all of your suggestions on where to go with the talk, and will work on figuring out how to revise it with these suggestions in place.
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You never know, maybe she doesn’t want to push through with the D either.
I hear you, waw, but how could she not? She denied the unfiling request, and although I feel like it could've been simply because I didn't talk with her about it but instead did it via our attys, she nonetheless didn't talk to me about it. Also, she has now been living with OM at his house, and has told the kids that OMs house is now her house too. She's making more steps toward being serious with OM, and though I sometimes wonder if this is just because she (and maybe he) is struggling financially, it still makes me wonder if there really is any hope to bust this D in time. Also, I don't think W would be willing to put the D on hold because such a move would likely interfere with her R with OM. Your thoughts on the above?
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D is a very big step but from all of our experienced DB’ing friends on here we know this isn’t the nail in the coffin. It’s just another obstacle to overcome.
That's how I see it too, and I believe that the window is open all the way until she remarries. During our conversation where she stated she was ready call it quits (this was after we had already separated) she even said that, "Who knows, we could be back together four or five years down the road. My boss just remarried her ex after being D'd for five years." That statement has always stuck in my head, though it could've just been something to make me feel a little better and nothing more. Regardless, I know that we might just need a clean slate with no pressure or expectations. Of course, for this to happen she would have to end her R with OM, so it's hard to say if the opportunity at reconciliation will ever come about.
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GD you have lots going for you and sounds like your GAL plan has really got your W thinking about you! Esp. all of these weekends away & trips! Wowzer! I bet she is wondering if there is a little lindy-hopping lady out there that might have caught your eye!
Thanks for the optimism! It did seem kind of obvious from my last convo with her yesterday that she was leaning in this direction. I mean, the whole slightly irritable comment "What Wendy thing?" when I told her I was doing another "Lindy thing" was kind of telling. I don't know, I'm really trying not to read into it too much, but also can't help but wonder if the seeds of doubt are actually beginning to sprout in W's mind.
Thanks for your nickel's worth, waw! It's always great to get perspective from the other side of the fence!
GD
Oh, and bummer about Bob not playing your favs, but it is the vibe and atmospher that they all create that makes the show so great IMO!
GD, don't ever think it is over until like you said that she remarries.
My MIL and FIL were divorced for a year when my H was about 9 and they got back together and have been together since.
Geez, wonder if my H is trying to follow in his parents footprints.
Me: 41 H: 39 D: 6 S: 4 M-14 T-16 first bomb: 5-12-07 (M dead doesn't really want to work things out.) second bomb: 6-4-2007 (found note he wrote about wanting desperately to be with OW and would have to give up everything) Kelley
keep on dancing crazy man!!
I still don't know where you see the charm and wit coming out(maybe on occasion 
), but if you're serving it I'll gobble it right up and ask for seconds! And to be honest, I don't think I am able to muster ANY charm and wit around W yet. I'm just too self-conscious to be that comfortable yet. I'm nice -- that's all I've got right now!