I love the light house post and I was doing some research and I think I may have found the person that wrote it, sadly they are not from DB and I am unable to share that information here, however if anyone is interested they can let me know.
Hi, I hope that this is not irrelevant here, but whenever I come across it, I am reminded to adjust my 'perspective'.
I started an online course earlier this year. It was Buddhism and Modern Psychology. However, not long after, H dropped the bomb. I did not realize what I was dealing with as his 'unscheduled anger' & erratic emotions were hurled at me. I felt that I had failed at my M because he blamed me for all that was wrong. Panic, sadness & frequent crying followed as you can relate (which I hid). I withdrew from the course as I could no longer concentrate or do my assignments on time.
Anyway, I found the following thought interesting & would like to share. It was from a thread >What is Happiness? There was a discussion on suffering (which Buddhism appears to be 'obsessed' with for some ). 2 examples of suffering (1 for me, the other for H).
Response 1 - Me/LBS (Post that I could relate to 'somehow') The feeling is that we can use 'mind' to allievate suffering. Pain is from body but suffering is ALL mind. When it was suggested that we do not have to suffer, I questioned about victims of rape & war.
The reply >> that it is the act of holding on to the angst, stress & anger that arose at the time of the crime that created the suffering. HOLDING ON creates the suffering - but we hold on to fear/emotions without realizing it. The poster went on to comment on that emotions are impermanent & can be replaced with happiness at will. Remember the crime has passed - but the act of holding on is continuously present as we cycle the hurt. The pain in the body is a separate component - the 'pain of the mind' suffering, is controllable at will <<<
Although this post is about MLC and not about crime, the response is similar I think. We hold on to the emotions experienced by the 'bomb-crime' & as LBS, we suffer. I see the relevance of detaching here (another Buddhist approach btw), letting go, GAL ... vs suffering, the act of holding on to those emotions associated with the MLCer, their 'bomb-crime' & overall MLC behaviour.
Response 2 - H (Post I associate w/ H) On a related note, another thread mentioned we also 'suffer' when our expectations/goals are not met (This one was big, because H had BIG, BI G, B I G (!!) goals that ALL failed - this was in addition to employment issues & milestone birthday). H believes that I am the reason that he is 'suffering' such a plague in his life - however, as people we set ourselves up - & suffer. At will we don't have to, because suffering is all in the mind.
Why should I include this here? - because I learn from it, its my nts. It's a reminder that I can be HAPPY AT WILL. We all can. DETACH & move on (not easy !!! but possible)
take care, p.
pbetra ---- M: 15 yrs (in 2014) BD: 6/03/2014 Infidelity ('known' from July 2014) Denied PA Feb 2015 2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact. Back briefly 2017 (after family death) Separated 2017
Remember to 'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY! [/quote] [/quote]
Thx u - very profound. I have saved for my 'feel good' file !!
pbetra ---- M: 15 yrs (in 2014) BD: 6/03/2014 Infidelity ('known' from July 2014) Denied PA Feb 2015 2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact. Back briefly 2017 (after family death) Separated 2017
Be someone who listens, and you will be heard Be someone who cares, and you will be loved Be someone who gives, and you will be blessed Be someone who comforts, and you will know peace Be someone who genuinely seek to understand, and you will be wise Be someone kind, considerate, and you will be admired Be someone who values truth, and you will be respected Be someone who takes actions, and you will move life forward Be someone who lifts others higher, and your life will be rich Be someone filled with gratitude, and there will be no end to the things for which you'll be thankful Be someone who lives with joy, with purpose, as your own light brightly shines Be, in every moment, the special someone you are truly meant to be
" an entire sea of water can' t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarity, the negativity of the world can' t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you. "
"Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire,
...to get smoke in their eyes."
Let it go...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
"Once you KNOW you have truly GAL, done your 180s & become the very best
You that YOU can become, then turn it over to God. Let HIM carry your marriage awhile.
There's literally nothing left to do then, but hold your head up, and go in peace."
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Saw this and really liked it. Reminds me of the many great men on this site.
Boys play house, Men build homes.
Boys shack up, Men get married.
Boys make babies, Men raise children.
A boy won’t raise his own children, A man will raise someone else’s.
Boys invent excuses for failure, Men produce strategies for success.
Boys look for somebody to take care of them,
Men look for someone to take care of.
Boys seek popularity, Men demand respect and know how to give it.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
).