Wife gone...Is there hope (Part 2)

[Heimlich]

Thanks, Strange, pulling for you too. If you want your W to know that you're not going to be a pain in the yin-yang, just tell her like you said it here: "I'm not going to make it hard or resist it."

Sounds like you still want this to work out, letting her think that you're indifferent to the D seems counterproductive to me. My 2 pennies and I'm shutting up now.

BD

[strange]

Well today is the first time I will have seen my W in almost 3 months. I called her today to let her know she has some mail, most of it is probably just junk though. In the past I have let her know about it & said I could bring it to her, but she's always picked it up from the house when i'm not here instead. So today I say, I can bring the mail if you like, she said yeah, that would be ok....So Today is the first time I will have seen her in 3 long months.

It's not much, but atleast it's a step forward in the fact that she is ok to see me.

Thanks for reading

Strange

[Atlas]

strange,

great baby step. that is huge. looks like she is seeing if she can see you without the negative emotions creeping up. i'm pulling for you.

[strange]

Thanks Atlas.

Well today went very good. I'd almost forgot what my W looked like lol. I think it was quite positive, see what you guys think.

I met her just outside where she works & it was raining (Again) Anyway she came out to meet me & she was smiling, so that was good. I did expect to just give her the mail & her say a quick hello & goodbye, although the rain was light, it was wet She did'nt, she stood in the rain talking & I could see she was happy & not really wanting to shoot back in. I did say to her, you had better get inside, but she did'nt. She asked how I was & what i've been doing with the bike (motorcylce), i use the bike to go to work & also it's my main hobby. We used to go all over on it together & I could see she had fond memories of it. All the time she smiled & laughted as we talked, so i guess thats more than I could ask for.

I maintained eye contact as much as possible & I could see in her eyes she was happy. I think you can tell with the eyes when someone is mad, sad or happy & she did look happy. I did say to her that she is looking good, which she is. She returned the compliment, saying that i too look good. In the end I was the one to call time though, she was getting rather wet.

So all in all I think that went ok.



Oh she did say that she's going to call me on day next week, I assume to make a time to talk about whatever it is she wants to say about the D...

Thanks..

Strange

[Nomopo]

Hi Strange. On my BB, so haven't read everything, but

Now, here's what i'm not so sure about...Do I tell her it's not my choice to get a D but will go along with it but make it clear that it is her choice.

OR...Should I just say, sure a D is the best idea all round, knock yourself out.

I think the first of these two options is the way to go.

Good luck,
Nomo

[Atlas]

strange,

Go with Nomo on this, if you do the second she might just give you what your asking for. The first will make her take some responsibility, forces her to decide. I know it is a controlling act by not taking control, but this is the one thing I won't budge on. W wants it, well then go ahead and go get it!

[Nomopo]

I think your meeting in the rain went great! Don't do anything to make the "meeting" to discuss D happen. There's a slim chance she won't either. Time is on your side my friend.

Nomo

[strange]

Thanks guys

Done some thinking & i'm going to tell her that although I would prefer a different outcome to D, I will respect her choice & not stand in her way. I will ask her to file if it's truly what she wants.

I won't be calling her to talk about the D, she said she would call one day next week. I'll wait & see if that happens. I have made plans for 2-3 days next week, where I won't be available anyway & I see no reason why I should change my plans either.

Thanks for the input

Strange

[strange]

Well it seems the talk that we were going to have is not going to happpen now. I got a txt message from W today saying that she has spoken to a lawrer today & she has been advised that I file for the D. I considerd this for about an hour then decided to call W, I was polite & carm through out the call. My W was the same although she did sound upset. As you'll see her excuse for not wanting to talk is, she can't find the time. I would just like to point out that she is living about 10-15 mins car ride away. How much time does one need?

This, to the best of my tired memory, is how the call went..

Me: Hi, I just called to ask if you still intend talk about this?
W: Well...erm, it's just trying to find the time.
Me: Ok, that's no problem.
W: Ok, but what hours are you working next week?
Me: 6am - 2 pm all next week.
W: oh..ok....
Me: If you don't want to talk about this I understand..Do you feel there is anything to talk about?
W: I don't know.......I don't know......Do you want me to come?
Me: If you feel there is anything we need to talk about?
W: I don't know.
Me: Ok, let me just say that this is not my choice, it is yours, I would prefer a different outcome to D. However I will respect your choice 100%. If D is what you want then I would prefer that you file.
W: The lawer say's you have to file against me though.
Me: If D is truly what you want then please file for Unreasonable behaviour.
W: But that would not be right, would it? It would not be true.
Me: It does not matter if it's true or not, if D is what you want then please file.

The call sort of ended there as I could tell my W was upset, she was not crying, but I could tell in her voice. I don't have any regret for how the call went. I don't know what to make of it but I do think D is what she does want, but does not want to file against me. I think my W cares for me & does not want to cause further hurt or thats how I felt during the call.

I wanted to put the ball back into her court for her to pick up. I wanted her to see that this is not as easy as me filing against her & her signing. I wanted to make her see that she has to do the work & move the ground to get what she says she wants. As it stands now I don't know if she will file or not, if she does then I will know it is what she wants & she will do whatever to get that.

Thanks for reading

Strange

[thegoodfight]

Sorry to chime in but I think you handled that call wonderfully. I definitely would make her file and not give them any type of sense this is what you want. Good for you! I will be interested to see how yours turns out. I am praying for the best.