so are you hoping to win W back post-D? That wasn't in your summary so I'm curious about your game plan after August.
Yes, that is where I'm at. My efforts end if/when W remarries (at least that's when the line is drawn at the moment), but I suppose that would change if I found someone else that I ended up falling in love with. Difficult to see that happening from where I'm at now, but one never knows.
I haven't made a game plan for post-D yet. I'm waiting for the D to actually go through before I begin really focusing on that. However, I figure that I will pull back more at that point and not help her financially unless it directly relates to the kids. That's all I'm sure of at this point. I've gone pretty dark already for a while now, but stay upbeat, friendly, and helpful whenever she calls or comes to get the kids. It is likely that I will still do these things, but may be less helpful regarding some things. I'm going to meet with my DB coach post-D to discuss/develop a game plan then.
How are you doing? I'll be checking back in with you sometime soon.
Okay, I'm going to be off the BB pretty much all day (as I was yesterday). I'm trying to get a bunch of things done around the house, play with the kids some more, etc, before W picks them up this evening.
I took D3 to get a mini-manicure and full pedicure yesterday (first one ever) and she was thrilled! She thought it was the coolest thing ever, and already wants to go back (of course!). She is such a girly girl, and doing this just made her day. I think I'm going to get one of those kid nail dryers and a few different nail polishs so we can do it at home once and a while. I had as much fun watching her get them done as she had doing it!
Later tonight or tomorrow, I'm gonna hammer out a second rough draft of "the last stand talk" for DBer review. The talk will be a week away from today (7/28). Once it's posted, any opinions will be greatly appreciated.
I don't really have the motivation/ambition to journal right now, let alone turn out a second rough draft at the moment. Just got back from a movie and am going for a bike ride for a while -- likely won't journal until tomorrow. Will say that W asked me to drop the kids off at her "new" place (OM's) for the first time. Got a pretty NMA right now and am just really discouraged. It's hard sticking with the plan to talk with W next week about postponing the D, but I know that I've got to. Don't want to because I don't really see anything good coming from it, and if it does come I don't believe it'll come for a very long time. I'm starting to not want to help W in the settlement (mediation agreement still not signed) simply because I'm possibly setting her AND OM/OM's kids up to live well, vs just her and our kids. I know that deep down it is selfish and and controlling to pull back because of this, but I am so devastated by the reality of this whole thing. I know that I must continue on because my line isn't drawn here. I will not give up -- I just need some perspective right now.
Kind of turned into more than I intended, but I will go into greater detail about everything tomorrow. Thanks for reading my brief vent.
I'm sorry, GD. It DOES s*ck. But you know what? I admire you for not giving up, even in the face of your nma, hurt, discouragement and, o/c, your admitted (and certainly understandable!) thoughts to be selfish & controlling regarding the settlement w/W. {{{Gone Dancin'}}} It is truly mind-boggling the things WAS's ask/demand/expect from the LBS. Anyone but a good DB'r would respond by doing something that would involve the cops, or at the very least, some colorful adjectives and impossible feats of bodily acrobatics.
Get your perspective, do some exercise, try to sleep in a bit . . . and vent & rage & journal as you feel the need, whenever you need. Use those adjectives. Be creative. We know you can do it. DBers Unite!! j.
I have been thinking about your sitch quite a bit. I know you have posted previously about being overly generous to your W in the settelment. I had a lot of respect for you for doing that. You really are a great guy, not many would be that way. Even my own H has pretty much decided since I am the one leaving he is going to make sure he keeps anything I really want (my dog for example) to be spiteful.
Now reading your insights about this setting her up to be in a good place with the OM...I starting to think you should re-think just how generous you are in this case. I do not think you are being spiteful or controlling! The reality is that you will helping her & whoever she is with whether it be this OM or another OM or the milkman. You get my point. You can always dote on her and the children at will in the future, then you have control over your money. Doesn't mean you should give her more than she is entitled to in the D settlement. Thats a permanent solution and you will never be able to recoup those funds once they are hers. I don't know...I hate the idea of you making her life easier to be with the OM.
I am sorry if that sounds harsh, I just think you are right to question this decision before its too late.
Hugs, hope you find your answers to this dilemma soon.
Last edited by waw1978; 07/23/0702:14 PM.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
You've been tremendously strong throughout this whole ordeal, keep it up. On a practical level, you know W and OM are living together, dropping the D there was going to happen. That said, I can only imagine what that would feel like for the first time and you deserve a bit of a funk now and again.
One question on the settlement, I can't remember the specifics, but, if the OM weren't in the picture, would you consider the terms overly generous? I mean, without OM, would you still feel uneasy about the terms? If so, maybe you are being too generous. Only you can answer that one.
Hang in there.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
The funk seems to be spreading around here, but it is normal, and we will all pull through it. I am sure the OM sitch is pulling you down and I am so sorry about that.
