Well the affair is official. I know I'm not supposed to snoop but you all know how not knowing and suspecting just eats away at you. Well, my story has a twist. The other man that I thought it was is actually another woman friend of hers. Thats right I am Ross from friends. My wife has been sleeping with another woman. Here's how it went down. "No pun intended".
While my wife was in the shower I snuck into her room to look at her blackberry phone she is always hiding from me.
I started looking through the emails and found messages from her female friend that I have known for a few years now. The messages were pretty grahic. Sorry guys I'm not going to give any details. So anyway, as I heard her getting out of the shower I quickly put the phone down and started leaving the room. When something inside of me said "you've played this game long enough" (last 6mons). You need to get this out in the open. So instead of sneaking back out of her room. I waited tell she walked in and was holding the phone in my hand.
WAW - Give me that. What are you doing? You had no right to look at that!
M - I'm sorry. I just couldn't do this anymore. I had to know. I had my suspicions, but had to know for sure. I didnt mean to invade your privacy like this. I just had to know.
WAW - Know what? Nothing is going on like I told you.
M - Please Babe just tell me the truth. I deserve the truth. I have been in such pain these last few months.
WAW - Well Im sorry to disappoint you.
M - Oh really. Ok then what are those messages from XXX then?
WAW - What do u mean? Nothings going on.
M - Come on. How long have you guys been together. Do u love her?
WAW - No. I dont love her. I'm just screwed up.
M - Well thank you for finally telling me the truth. And you are not screwed up. I guess I drove you to this. I'm sorry I was such a bad husband.
WAW - Its not you its me. Im just screwed up.
M - Well. I want you to know that I'm going to keep this between me and you. No one needs to know. It can be our little secret. (except for all my friends on Db.com ;))
WAW - Why would you do that? You told everyone before. my family your family when I wanted the sep.
M - That was then. I am a different person now. I was devasted at first. You were wanting to walk away from everything. Me our family our life. I over reacted at first. I just really miss being your friend. And I know with your new business that this wouldnt be good if it came out.
WAW - Why would you not want to tell everybody?
M - I have learned during this time that some things are just out of my hands. Before I thought I had control of my life. Of our lives. I learned that I never did. It was one big illusion. I realize that you would have done whatever you wanted regardless of what I wanted. Like I said before I am glad this happened. I am thankful that you did this so I could go through this and learn about myself and what to become a stronger, better me. I have really changed over these last few months and I want to thank you for that.
WAW - Ok. if you say so.
M - Well. I just wanted to thank you again for being strong enough to tell me the truth. It was very difficult not knowing what was going on. I knew something was going on and that there was someone else. But Im glad it wasnt XXX. He being your coworker would have really hurt since you have been telling me that it was strickly a business relationship. So I am here for you if you need to talk.
WAW - Well ok. thanks.
Then I left for work. Nice way to start the day huh?
So what do you all think? I have read a lot of stories on here about spouses dealing with their cheating spouses and how they worked through it together. How they became friends and that the relationship once it is out in the open doesnt usually last. I'm guessing especially in this case with another woman.
Where do I go from here? She is probably really upset but also somewhat relieved that its finally out. She is also probably going to be worried about me having an A in my sleeve when it comes to getting full custody of our daughter. Dont think the courts will choose her lifestyle versus mine.
I just hope she can now start seeing as a friend again.
J - We have been together for 11yrs. We met in college. I thought our marriage was pretty strong. We just had a child together 2 yrs ago. I figured things were good. I cant imagine her thinking this new lifestyle will be better for our daughter.
Thank you all. At least it's out in the open now. I love her so much. I want to keep fighting for her. We had a 3some when we were in London a couple years ago. She talked me into it. Ofcourse, its every guys fantasy. We were on vacation so I said what da heck? Well, I had no idea it would ruin my marriage. I cant believe how stupid I was. She had a rough childhood. I dont want to be just another man that gives up on her.
I will keep Dbing and see if now that she knows I know that we can work on being friends again.
We had a 3some when we were in London a couple years ago. She talked me into it.
Holy CRAP! That's too much information!
I'm just kidding .
It doesn't have to ruin your marriage and it doesn't change your method of operation either.
Follow the DB prinicples, work on yourself and your own shortcomings/oversights within the marriage, get a life and let your wife sort this out for herself. Don't put pressure on her and don't make her feel bad. Trust me, she already does.
This may be unpopular, but I would not be able to handle this. Each person is different. If you can live with it, good for you. My husband had an A, I'm trying to work things out with him, something that I thought I would never do, so what do I know? This has got to be hard for you.
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