Wife gone...Is there hope (Part 2)

[Nomopo]

Strange,

A few thoughts:

Well it seems the talk that we were going to have is not going to happpen now. I got a txt message from W today saying that she has spoken to a lawrer today & she has been advised that I file for the D.

I just don't understand this. As you know, don't do it if you don't want to. But also, don't push her too much to do it. She knows now clearly that the ball i sin her court, so if I were you I would never bring it up. She may want a D today, but she may not in 6 months. If that is the case, can you wait that long?

As you'll see her excuse for not wanting to talk is, she can't find the time. I would just like to point out that she is living about 10-15 mins car ride away. How much time does one need?

So, so what? She has a flimsy excuse. Don't expose her for it. You might push her into filing which is not what you want. And even if she really does want a D (not at all sure she does), she may change her mind. Time is on your side. Don't inadvertantly push her.

Me: Hi, I just called to ask if you still intend talk about this?

Fine, you called. Don't push the D issue any more. She knows where you stand. She knows it is up to you. As far as your concerned, if nothing happens between now and the end of the year, it's fine. Go GAL!

Me: If you don't want to talk about this I understand..Do you feel there is anything to talk about?

You're pushing her a little here to say it. Do you see that? Give her time and space. Don't push.

W: I don't know.......I don't know......Do you want me to come?

GREAT ANSWER!!!!!!

Me: If you feel there is anything we need to talk about?
W: I don't know.

Again, pushing a little, and GREAT ANSWER!!!! There is a reason for you to be patient, I think. Why not try?

Me: Ok, let me just say that this is not my choice, it is yours, I would prefer a different outcome to D. However I will respect your choice 100%. If D is what you want then I would prefer that you file.
W: The lawer say's you have to file against me though.
Me: If D is truly what you want then please file for Unreasonable behaviour.
W: But that would not be right, would it? It would not be true.[/quote]

This is all fine and good.

Me: It does not matter if it's true or not, if D is what you want then please file.

A little different here. You asked her to "please file." See the subtle difference? I'm sure it's ok, but don't push her.

I don't know what to make of it but I do think D is what she does want, but does not want to file against me.

It may be what she wants now, but maybe not down the road. Wait it out. What have you got to lose? A few months of focuing on yourself?

I wanted to put the ball back into her court for her to pick up. I wanted her to see that this is not as easy as me filing against her & her signing. I wanted to make her see that she has to do the work & move the ground to get what she says she wants.

Mission accomplished. You don't need to do it again.

As it stands now I don't know if she will file or not

Me either. Maybe her either.

Hang in there buddy. Keep fightin the good fight. What have you got to lose?

Nomo

[strange]

Thankyou for those kind words goodfight. I've not read up on your sitch yet, just going to...But I hope things a good for you.

Thanks

Strange

[strange]

hi nom.. & as always good input thanks for that mate

I see that I did push a little there, but to be honest, I knew that during the call & I was aiming for that, crazy, maybe I have no regrets though. You know I don't want this D but with the lack of face to face contact etc, I know that my chances are way beyond slim. I felt I had to try something that would give her something to think on.

I have wanted to say something along those lines for some time now, I have feel no need to repeat myself to her. You are right I have nothing to loose in this, the biggest thing is probably already lost at this point anyway. If she files then so be it, I will know that she wants it. A part of me is tired of all this, I will continue on this crazy ride just to see where the final stop is though.

Thanks

Strange

[Handful of Rain]

Strange, You sounded so unlike you, when you posted on my sitch, that I had to come here and see what was going on, I really want to tell you how much I appreciate all of your advice on my sitch, it takes a strong person to help someone, when they are, themselves, in such bad place, you are to be celebrated for every time you have helped me or someone on this board.

First of all, Man, I think that you are definitely getting the right advice from Nomopo, I noticed that at least there is some contact, she hasn't completely left you out in the cold, as you know I've been there, too much. As you know you have to make the most of every interaction with her, and it sound like you are. We hate the waiting game, we hate the not knowing what is on their minds, but it is a game we have no choice but to play. The D is so easy for them, and it sounds like with the way your W, is dragging her feet, she is not so sure, it is the way to go. As you know everything they do has some kind of meaning behind it, the hard part is figuring out what is really going on inside their heads and hearts. It seems like my own W wants me out to the picture so badly, that she is willing to do anything to get me there, even throw me in jail. She is running, yours is running, the hard part is letting them run till they hit that wall, we've talked about. then another hard part will be watching them hit it, and completely obliterate themselves. But since we are the better person, hopefully, we will be there to pick up the pieces, and put it all back together again.

Take Care, Bro

[Handful of Rain]

Hey Strange, Bro, just wanted to check in on you, noticed that you haven't been on line for a few days (Did they re-open the pub? LOL ) Hope to hear from you soon, Take care.

[strange]

Thanks for checking in mate

The pub is still closed...However, the little shop that seems to sell everything has a great offer on booze, so life as we know it continues lol It may be a british thing...You guy's in the U.S do counseling?& us brits seem to just do booze when in crisis...I'm joking really...but the shop does have some great offers.....Anyway, it's only been a few days but not heard from W & to be honest I did not expect to.

My GAL continues & thats the way I like it at the moment. I'm doing stuff that I not done in quite some time & I like it.

Thanks

Strange

[Nomopo]

You sound great! Knock one back for me!

[Handful of Rain]

I'll drink to that, Bro! Keep up the good work!

[strange]

Well things just got worse...

Got a call from W today..She now wants half of the equity on this house. When she left she said she wanted nothing from the house & was happy for me to stay here. We sort of made an agreement that we would have the house valued & if I should choose to sell then she would get her share at what it was worth at the valuation. Unfortunatly for me, we did not get this sorted out leagally, I know it's crazy...

So now she's had a change of heart & wants her share now..Where does this leave me? Well I can't afford to take out the extra money on the mortage & i'm sure I would not get the money even when I apply. I am going to apply but it does look bad. My best option is i'm going to have to sell this house so I can give her what she wants. That then leaves me the prospect of moving in with a family member while she lives with OM in his house, this makes me very angry. Renting somewhere is just about out of the question as everyone want more than I can afford anyway, thanks to the big rise in the house market in the UK.

I have to say I am just about done with all of this now, it's as much as I am willing to take. I'm calling her to say I am filing ASAP & it's done. I really can't take anymore of this crap.

Strange.

[Nomopo]

Sorry Buddy. Tough day.

I have to say I am just about done with all of this now, it's as much as I am willing to take. I'm calling her to say I am filing ASAP & it's done. I really can't take anymore of this crap.

Why not give it 48 hours to be sure? You are understandably angry, and that is not the best way to be to make decisions and take actions. You can always do this Friday if, after cooling off, you still want to. Right?

So now she's had a change of heart & wants her share now..Where does this leave me?

Can she force you to sell? Legally or financially? Here, in Texas, a sale of the house can't be forced legally. Practically speaking (eg, finances), it can be forced, but not legally. If you don't know for sure, consult a L.

Well I can't afford to take out the extra money on the mortage & i'm sure I would not get the money even when I apply. I am going to apply but it does look bad.

So maybe what it going on is either (1) she wants you to buy her out or pay her for her half (can she force this?) or (2) she is contributing to your mortgage payments and you can't afford it without her. Can you explain what is happening to me more clearly?

My best option is i'm going to have to sell this house so I can give her what she wants.

Again, can she force this is if you say no?

Sorry again. You will be ok, I know, but tough day nonetheless.
Nomo