LWB - yes, taking care of EM helped immensely! Looking back, I could have done more at different times but overall, I'm happy with my progress. I agree with your WW coach - sometimes you just have to fake it.
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
Well - we had the nicest evening we've had in a long long long time. We took the train from our town to see a minor league baseball team in the area. We had so much fun! The train ride was great, the ball game was great, the food was so fun to eat (my H and I watch what we eat usually so a hot dog was a treat!), the beer was cold. We had a blast just being together. It's been a long time since we've both felt this comfortable. H said this was the most fun he has had all summer. I would have to agree. I wish we could bottle the magic so that we can relive the great moments from this evening.
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
I go to Weight Watchers meetings every week and this morning she was talking about how, even if you aren't there mentally with weight loss, to go through the motions, then your mind will catch up. She called it 'fake it til you make it'. I think I gasped out loud because that is how I feel about GAL lately. That even if my mind/heart isn't into it all the time, I will discover things along the way and learn to love GAL.
This is so true with Galing. I too was "Faking" wanting to go out but after several times I really look forward to it.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
EM - You are my hero. You were able to change the subject and not carry on about OW. I wish I could learn that. I try and I guess sometimes I do ok, but then like today I blow it.
I to a lot of GALing, but this coming home to an empty house and no one to wait for or who is there to greet me is killing me. It is almost like I don't even want to be in my home anymore. It makes me sad.
It appears that your and your H are headed in the right direction. He at least understands that he can be no where near her. You have to understand this too. I don't think it is a good idea for him to teach at the same school as her, because they could run into each other. He can never ever see or communicate with her again. I think you have to be strong on this one. It sounds like the September marriage seminiar will reinforce this.
I'm so happy for you.
Faith
H 48 W 57 M 15 yrs T 18 yrs No children EA 1/12/06 Moved out 3/10/07 & 8/16/07 Back on 5/18/07 2nd Thread
You are my hero. You were able to change the subject and not carry on about OW. I wish I could learn that.
Thanks Faith, for the hero comment - that's humbling. I certainly have not always been this good about not talking about OW. I have asked so many questions about her that at one point my H said, "is this REALLY helping you?" I'm not curious about her anymore. I think she's pathetic, actually. A horrible excuse of a woman. I don't know why someone would actually date a married man unless they were extremely desperate. I have a difficult time with desperate people, I see them as weak. And yet, I feel so hypocritcal because there were so many times when I was desperate for his attention. I'm not anymore. If this marriage doesn't work, it is not my fault. I am 100% convinced of that. I have changed tremendously in the last year, I have been patient, I have been loving, and kind and supportive. This is on him at this point.
Quote:
I to a lot of GALing, but this coming home to an empty house and no one to wait for or who is there to greet me is killing me. It is almost like I don't even want to be in my home anymore.
I found out about H's A while I was on a business trip. When I opened the door to my house when I got home it really appeared that there was a dark ash over my whole home. A thick blackness had settled. I remember thinking "what the f happened here? Nothing looks the same, nothing feels the same." Of course ash hadn't really fell all over everything, it was just the mood of my marriage. I felt like everything, my belongings, my husband, myself all lost their luster. I know how you feel. Dinner time was always the most difficult part of the day for me. Always. I hated eating alone. I ended up eating a dinner of popcorn and beer in front of the TV on more than one occassion. It helped to read a magazine while I ate, or put the radio on. Just keep trying stuff until it feels better. It will never feel great, but it can feel better.
Quote:
It appears that you and your H are headed in the right direction. He at least understands that he can be no where near her. You have to understand this too. I don't think it is a good idea for him to teach at the same school as her, because they could run into each other. He can never ever see or communicate with her again. I think you have to be strong on this one. It sounds like the September marriage seminiar will reinforce this.
This is a tough thing. I don't want him to return to his school. I have made that clear for the past year. He has to quit. BUT, I also know that he hasn't owned this decision yet. Just by him saying "I just won't show up" I know that he isn't owning quitting. He's going to make them fire him and that is not acceptable either - he could loose his license and then I don't know what he'd/we'd do. But, in having the conversation with him the other night, I wanted to see where his head was at. I wanted to know if he had given thought to teaching in another school in the district. Clearly he just plans on "not showing up." Bad plan. I feel as though there isn't anything I can do about it, so I'm just not going to talk about it with him anymore. Now, I need to work on not worrying about it.
Thank you for stopping and checking in! I really appreciate it!
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
Oh the dark cloud over the house!!! I totally understand! I feel like H and I wear a "Our Marriage Sucks" banner around when we are out together. When H is here, I feel like I am drowning or choking, but when he isn't here, I am lonely. So not fair!!!
I hope your H realizes soon and owns up to the need to actually "quit" his job. You have stated what you want, and as tough as it is for me to learn too, we can't *make* them do anything. Even if you forced it and he did quit, it still wouldn't be him doing it, and that wouldn't be good. Focus on all the good things going on!
I think I just may have matching t-shirts made...:)
Quote:
Even if you forced it and he did quit, it still wouldn't be him doing it, and that wouldn't be good.
Exactly how I feel. So I just worry about it constantly and journal about it, and post stuff here, but I don't say anything to him. I am fully expecting him to return to work in September and then when we go to Retro, he will either decide that he needs to quit, and at that point give his 60 days notice, or we will separate. I can't have him seeing her everyday - especially after what he said at dinner the other night - and coming home to me at night. Can't happen.
Quote:
Focus on all the good things going on!
And there are so many good things! Thanks for reminding me!
...now back to worrying about September
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
I have heard such good things about Retro, I just know it will be wonderful for you guys. He has to do this, as much as it kills you. Journaling and outleting (is that a word? if not, it is now.) here is important for you until he 'catches' up.
We rented a movie today. Why does almost every movie out there have an affair theme? Why? Even when I "screen" movies to make sure there aren't references to affairs, one will pop up. always. our society is saturated with romancing affairs. i guess the day to day drudgery of real life doesn't sell movie tickets, but why should affairs? i think the saturation is ruining our society. i think it allows people to believe that they are ok and that falling in love just happens - like tripping - woops, i didn't mean to fall in love, it just happened.
Nothing new is happening really. I've lost that loving that feeling, to say the least. i don't want to be married today. I want to fall in love. I don't want it to be with someone that has cheated on me. I don't want to be loved by my betrayer. I don't want to love someone that is capable of lying. I don't want to live in the same house with someone that has lied to my face repeatedly. I don't want to laugh with him, i don't want to share secrets with him, i don't want to eat with him, i don't even want to look at him. I want him to love me and make all the crap he did go away. I want him to erase the past. I want him to fix us. I don't want to work at it anymore. I want him to do it. I want diamonds, and roses and a whole new wardrobe. I want a new car. I want new dishes. and i want him to pay for all the crap he did. I want him to feel remorseful and show it. I want to be told what a mistake it was over and over and over again.
...this is me stomping out of the room and slamming my bedroom door...
temper tantrum over.
It just had to be said.
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
I feel like H and I wear a "Our Marriage Sucks" banner around when we are out together. When H is here, I feel like I am drowning or choking, but when he isn't here, I am lonely. So not fair!!! 