Out of the Abyss...

[ediemarie]

I truly wonder when enough will be enough. I thought that Retrouvaille was helping - he said it was. I felt like it was. Tonight, I went to the mall to buy my mother a birthday gift. I wanted a piece of gum. H's work bag was in the car and he always has gum. I looked for a pack and stumbled upon a letter OW wrote him professing her love for him. I am so hurt. When I got home from the mall, I asked H about it. He said he didn't want to talk about it. I said, are you still seeing her? He said he didn't want to talk about it. I said why are we going to Retrouvaille if you are still seeing her. He said he didn't want to talk about it. I packed my things and left. I went to 4 area hotels and none of them had vacantcies for the evening. I came home H is gone. He took 100 bucks out of his account via atm and poof he's gone. He didn't take his cell phone. He didn't take any clothes with him. I'm heart broken. Again. I thought things were better. I thought they were different.

[Sara]

I'm sorry, EdieMarie. I don't know what to say. He's supposed to be stronger than this. I hope when he comes back he will have a good explanation.

[ediemarie]

thanks Sara for stopping by. I just have knot in the pit of my stomach. I'm dumbfounded. And saddened. And hurt...the list could go on and on. I feel like I am living and have been living a lie. I believe he is with her right now. He always runs to her. Even now. I just am at a loss.

[SDFoundGirl]

So, if he's not home tomorrow, doesn't call, change the locks. Set your boundaries. He's bouncing back and forth...and that's just not okay. Draw that line in the sand and make him work to get you back.

SD

[ediemarie]

So, if he's not home tomorrow, doesn't call, change the locks. Set your boundaries. He's bouncing back and forth...and that's just not okay. Draw that line in the sand and make him work to get you back.

Oh! For the strength to follow through with that! Thank you for posting to me!
There was a time when I was strong enough to walk away, to draw the line, to stick to my decisions. There was a time when I made sure I got what I wanted and needed. I think you are right on SD. It is not ok.

I only have strength for lying around. I am exhuasted. I am undone.

[limbo]

(((((Edie)))))

I am so sorry things have taken the turn that they have! I know how incredibly hard for you!
I would say don't do anything you wount be comfortable with, but you have to do what is going to be best for you!
I know in my mind and heart if H returns to ow that will be it, I just can't be a punching bag anymore.
So I guess you will have to wait and see what the next few days brings and decide what is best for you!
I am hear if you need to talk...you take care of you!!

[cat03]

hugs)))))))) i'm so sorry you are going through this.

He couldnt' have gone far without cell nor clothes, my guess is that he is dumbfounded again, and much like my H and his 2mth 2nd affair in Jun-Jul he is at a loss of what to do now that you found him out.
He's prob out there buying time, wondering what the heck he is doing--because I'm sure he does not know what he is doing, prob feels guilt drawing him to op (instead of affection). It took a lot for my H to break it off with op, to tell her in a letter they could never see each other again, they are giving up their good-feeling "drug".

It is not all lost, I dare to think. My H would txt me "I don't know why I keep sabotaging us". Your H did try to make things right, he went to Retro., the problems lies in that he isn't right with himself, he needs to right himself up before he can commit and give you what you need.

Hang in there honey.

[Sara]

EM,

Cat03 is right. I don't know how much perspective can help you. His problem is with himself. So many times it's not love but an unwillingness to take action to hurt someone that causes them to bounce back and forth. He hurts you without trying, but he refuses do what's necessary and hurt her. I would call one of the presenting couples or the Post session presenters and ask their advice. Those people have a lot of experience and will be happy to try talking to him about his problem.

[limbo]

Edie,

Both Cat and Sara hit it right on the head, they are so messed up they just don't which way to turn.
When my H went back to ow in July he said it was the guilt, that he just didn't feel he derserved better, and he couldn't live with me with the guilt, he had told me we was going to leave.
But in the end(i hope) he decided he wanted me and his family and that him leaving would only make things worse, as far as how the kids saw him.
So there is hope, but he needs to figure that out for himself. As Sara said its probably a good idea to contact the Retro people for some guidance.

Take care of yourself!

[ediemarie]

Thanks guys for your words. They really do help...but still...
I don't want to have to wait for him (em throws herself on the floor in a heap)to get his act together. How much more do I have to wait?!!! (em kicks feet and crosses arms over chest..hmph!!!) This is just so difficult. I sent him an email this morning, but haven't heard from him. He's in a meeting with OW and the rest of their colleagues until noontime. I just feel like we're back at the same old place. It's tearing me apart. I took off today - I slept in total about 1 hour last night, in bouts of 20 minutes. I hate that. I'm going to focus on cleaning my house and grading some papers. Maybe he'll come home today. Cat's right - he get far without clothes, cell phone and hair product.