I to found the way you handled yourself through this very encouraging.
I am in piecing but as of late my feelings regaurding H and his MLC issues are all over the place. H has told me, after i thought we were doing soooo well that he still feels disconnected and that he's having a hard time reconnecting. I know i need to distance my self but am having a hard time as every time i try my H gets more clingy. He needs to work on his issues. It is hard because we are still living together but, i need to figure out what to do. to make h wonder if he may loose me, while im'e getting a life. But it is hard because he keep trying to reel me in by wanting to do things together all of the free time he has.Im'e thiking that this is his way of trying to reconnect.
I guess the only way to figure out what im'e trying to say is to ask you to please read my threads and give me any suggestions?
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Rob, Just popping back in to say thanks for all your advice early on in my sitch. Thought of you this weekend as I was GAL'ing in Columbus for the OSU game. I am glad that you're holding steady and still hope that my W and I can at least try to get back on track. Doesn't look like it will be anytime soon, as it looks like I am moving out. Continued good luck DB'ing both w and D. Your patience has been an inspiration to many of us.
Haven't posted on my own sitch in ages... not much new to report in the ol' M department (but I think that's a case of no news is good news!) I could go on and on about work and music boosters and my daughter and other craziness - maybe I will at some other time. But I did have one little incident this weekend that I just HAD to share...
I went to a spinning class yesterday (I do that about once a week during the winter). The exercise is usually a good booster for my PMA, and yesterday the instructor was really hitting us hard. The bikes have a little knob for adjusting the resistance as you ride, and she just kept saying 'turn it up again' and again and again... Lots of people were dying, but I needed the release and was in a 'Bring it on!" kind of mood.
Anyways, after the class, I told her thanks, that I had enjoyed it. She said "I thought you did! I have never seen ANYONE smile so much during spinning class as you do - I always tell myself, if that guy ever stops smiling, that's how I'll know I must be doing something wrong!"
I'll tell you, that comment KEPT the smile on my face for the rest of the day!
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Woo hoo - I love spin classes, they feel like real exercise! I do Combat myself and really went for it tonight - feels good to punch and kick all the work stress out
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Hi friends! Well, it's been a long time since I posted a real update - I think it's about time!
First, on the home front, things are going pretty well. The biggest change has been W's move to a new job, one where she is MUCH happier and more valued. At her old ad agency where she worked for a complete jerk, surrounded by people who played power games all day, and dealt with depressing clients like cancer drug makers. At her new job, she works for a good friend, has loads of validation and new responsibility, is surrounded by energetic young 'ad agency types', and works for AMAZING big-name clients. Of course, I supported her enthusiastically through the downer end of the old job and the move to the new one.
For my own job, things have suddenly gotten 'crazy busy' - we have three times as many projects right now as we used to, with the same number of staff. This is actually a good thing - I am more engaged in things than I have been in years. Still pondering a long-term move somewhere else, but the urgency is gone for the time being.
D15 is doing better in school, dealing with driver's ed (shudder!), and has a new boyfriend who seems like he may actually last more than a few weeks (not sure if this is a good thing from a nervous father perspective!)
One big drama I want to share has to do with music boosters. One of my big GAL activities during the past year was being president of the booster organization. I took a very strategic, "let's get this organization doing bigger, better things" approach to this. In particular, our former president totally ignored and offended the middle school teachers (he was all about high school band), so I worked a lot on improving that sitch. I felt like all the leadership training I had in my MBA was kicking in nicely.
Over the course of the year, I continually butted heads with the band mom who was the booster treasurer (call her T). I have rarely met such a tightly-wound control freak. The teachers all hated dealing with her - every request for funds was met with a process similar to the Spanish Inquisition before it would be approved. To make matters worse, she had several other b!tchy band moms egging her on at every turn.
Well, about a month ago, I learned that T was not running for treasurer again (yea!) That's because she decided she should be president instead (boo!) A couple of the teachers told me this idea "terrified" them - I agreed!
So, I started campaigning. I emphasized my past accomplishments and my goals.
In turn, T campaigned too - by sending out "behind the scenes" emails, which soon got back to me, saying that I was lazy, dropped the ball all the time, and took credit for other people's work. Ironically, she specifically targeted this vicious character assassination at getting middle school parents to come vote. I was shocked and really hurt. Then, I started DBing - I couldn't change what she said, but I could choose my reaction. I refused to sink to her level - never slammed back at her - and started lining up people to come vote who knew me and what good stuff I was doing. The teachers were poised to endorse me - then T managed somehow to get all of their principals to tell them they were forbidden to get involved.
The week before the election was terrible - I was really worked up, not sleeping well, etc. Although everyone who came to vote would probably have their mind made up, I decided to make a speech at the meeting, showing what I stood for and that I was not going to be beaten down.
At the election, we had the biggest turnout I have ever seen at a booster meeting. I offered T the chance to speak first. She declined through tightly-pursed lips, saying she felt that campaigning was "inappropriate." (REALLY!?!) I smiled, said "Suit yourself," and gave my speech. I am really proud of it - undoubtedly the best speech I have ever done. In fact, here it is:
Quote:
It's great to see a lot of new faces at the meeting tonight. It's wonderful that you all care so much about this organization and our leadership. Regardless of how the election turns out, I hope you'll all continue to attend these meetings and support the boosters.
The music boosters is a terrific group, doing some really worthwhile things for our kids. We have many great volunteers who have put in countless hours of hard work. In addition, every member of our board has worked their butt off this year in support of our goals.
I would like to talk to you about just one of my own accomplishments, which I think demonstrates the kind of president I have been.
When I became active in the boosters, I was disappointed to learn that we did not have a good relationship with our middle school music programs. In fact, the middle school teachers had not attended a booster meeting for several years, and the amount of support offered to each of them had steadily decreased to a mere $300 per program, out of a total budget of more than $40,000.
Now, I believe the best way we can build excellent high school music programs is to start by building excellent programs in the middle schools. Furthermore, the booster charter is clear that our mission is to support ALL of the music programs, in ALL of our schools. So, I started working to rebuild that relationship.
At first, the teachers were pretty skeptical - but I kept after them. I emailed them. I came to their concerts. I began showing up at their schools before classes started, on a regular basis. I listened to their concerns and I asked them how we could help. And I promised them that I was committed to having the music boosters support them.
After almost a year of this, the middle school teachers were convinced. They joined us for the first time in November, and we had a good, productive meeting. I hope there will be many more like it.
Now, if you agree with me that this is the kind of vision the music boosters needs...
And if you think that the hard work and follow-through necessary to make that vision happen is how the president should spend their time and energy...
And if you believe that building relationships that support and encourage our teachers is the right approach...
Then I would really appreciate your vote tonight.
Thank you.
I delivered it well, considering how stressed out I was. And I felt good that W was there to see it - she supported me through all of the mud-slinging and told me she was proud of how I took 'the high road.'
T and I went out in the hall while the voting was done (paper ballots) and counted. It took FOREVER. Finally, we were informed - I had lost by two votes.
That was almost a week ago. I've bounced back pretty quickly - many mixed feelings of relief to be done with these crazy people, and regret knowing that much of the work I did will not be continued (I would bet money the middle school teachers never come back to the meetings.)
Overall, my attitude is that I have LOTS to offer - and I am going to go offer it somewhere else, where I am appreciated and valued. Life is too short to spend it arguing with these bozos! I'm counting the many good things that came out of this year - in particular, making many new friends, pushing myself as a leader, pushing myself as a public speaker, and even having W see me being strong and true in the face of adversity. Life is good!
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
WOW ROB! You've been busy! Sounds like things are pretty darn good overall and that your attitude about it all is absolutely in check...as usual.
Control what you can, let go of what you can't. It sounds like you did all you could to try and get voted and it sounds like you can be proud of yourself for taking the high road. Much better to have given your all, been honest and true and to have lost than to have gotten there the 'wrong' way. So kudos my friend.
So how did your W respond to all of this? Was she supportive, encouraging, etc?
Thanks for asking, Scott! W was very supportive and encouraging. She helped me think of, and contact, people to support me. She gave me great feedback on my speech and other campaigning efforts. And most of all, she was filled with her own righteous indignation over the way T treated me.
And she said that she was impressed that I had taken the high road - said she doubted she could have done that. (Note: Some people might interpret this as her thinking I was not being strong because I didn't 'attack back'. That was NOT how it was meant - she admired my integrity.)
The other day, I made a point to tell her that I appreciated how much she had supported me during this.
I also apologized because I felt the whole mess cut us off from some of our new social circle (me not helping make more friends for us was a hot button from the Old Days). She reassured me it was OK - said we DID make some new friends (including a couple who stepped forward just recently to encourage me during the mud slinging), and said we don't need the likes of T as friends.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
